How to prepare your child for a sibling?

[UncleLim]

When the new addition arrives, get your family and friends to bring gifts for the older child too ! Tried and tested tactic !

[Funz]

I did not particularly prepare DD for the arrival of DS. Well we did talk to her about having a sibling and about the baby growing in my belly and how she was once there as well. I did not bring her to any of my prenatal checkups as they were all done in the middle of the work day and I will head back to work after that. But we showed her all the printouts from the scans and we brought out the printouts of her scans to let her compare.


I was not overly worried about how she will adapt cos I guess I feel that no matter how much you prepare them or talk to them about it, it is too abstract for them to fully grasp especially since she was only 1+yr old going 2. So we kinda just ran with whatever she dished out.

Initially she was shy with the baby and even with me. But when I got home, she demanded my attention. There were days where she was my perfect little helper and there were days where she was absolutely horrid. That ugly little monster called jealousy reared it’s head now and then but we dealt with it as it came along.

Personally, I feel how you handle the child after the arrival of the new baby is more important then what you do before. No matter how well prepared the kid is b4 the arrival of the new baby, they will definitely feel left out and insecure as everyone else is bound to be going goo goo and gah gahing over the new baby. So while everyone is cooing to the infant, I focus my attention on DD and will try to draw some of my relative’s attention to DD by telling them how wonderful she has been and the things that she has done, be it colouring, new songs, etc.

[Fuzz]

jedamum:

a few months after my ds2 was born, my ds1 became moody everyday. reason? he said that i told him that his bro would play with him but how come his bro so small? hahaha....i told him to wait a little longer. i stayed with my ILs at that time, so whenever i was occupied by the baby, my boy had someone else to turn to for attention (Fuzz, if your boy is not closer to your dh, you may want to start now so that he can turn to your dh for company if you are occupied with the baby). now he very happy cos can play together (i am even happier!! more 'me-time'!)

Hahaha, just yesterday my boy was playing with his hot wheels cars and hubby and I were both busy so he had to play alone. He then said 'I don't like to play by myself. I want a didi so I can race cars with him. When is he coming? Next month?'

He was quite disappointed when we explained that the baby hasn't 'arrived' yet and it will take another 9 months for the baby to grow big and strong enough to come out into our world. And even then, it won't be big enough to play with him!

My boy is close to my hubby but hubby sometimes has to work late. Currently my boy attends childcare and I usually pick him and then go home or go to my parents' place for dinner. So I guess my parents can help, especially during first few months when I'm busier with the baby.

[Fuzz]

Funz:

Personally, I feel how you handle the child after the arrival of the new baby is more important then what you do before. No matter how well prepared the kid is b4 the arrival of the new baby, they will definitely feel left out and insecure as everyone else is bound to be going goo goo and gah gahing over the new baby. So while everyone is cooing to the infant, I focus my attention on DD and will try to draw some of my relative's attention to DD by telling them how wonderful she has been and the things that she has done, be it colouring, new songs, etc.

That's a good point funz! Will remember that.

[buds]

Funz:

I was not overly worried about how she will adapt cos I guess I feel that no matter how much you prepare them or talk to them about it, it is too abstract for them to fully grasp especially since she was only 1+yr old going 2. So we kinda just ran with whatever she dished out.

This is true, Funz. I fully agree with you on this. :celebrate:
I thought i super-prepared DD1 for DD2's arrival but yet when it came
down to the reality of it when DD2 finally came, she got bored with me
and everyone else cos she had less attention for herself. I needed rest
and hubs & mumsie rotated shifts to help with the baby. I encouraged
hubs to bring DD1 down to the playground for one on one time and also
accompany her while she was watching her kiddie videos while he was
still on leave. Once he started working, i had to make sure i could juggle
some time to read to DD1 her favourite books. I got her to sit beside me
on the bed as i was still recuperating. I also made sure i bought sufficient
materials like activity books, drawing books, doodle draw, magic pens &
sticker books to keep her occupied. She didn't like it when i had to nurse
DD2 when DD2 wailed out loud and hungry in the midst of story-telling or
activity time with her and it took some time to sink in.

I also prepared her emotionally by borrowing books about caring for baby..
brought her for routine check ups and detailed scan... i let her sing and talk
to the baby... i let her carry other people's baby when we visited cousins or
friends who just delivered be it at the hospital or their homes... went shopping
for bb clothes and almost everything else. Oh yes, also bought her a baby
tub with toy baby doll, sponge, a rubber duckie to show her how i was gg
to wash baby up and how she could help. I thought it would be a breeze.. :roll:

Funz:

Initially she was shy with the baby and even with me. But when I got home, she demanded my attention. There were days where she was my perfect little helper and there were days where she was absolutely horrid. That ugly little monster called jealousy reared it's head now and then but we dealt with it as it came along.

Yeeup! Nothing prepares them for the real thing eventually. Sigh... After
all that preparation, i caught DD1 putting a pillow over the baby a couple
of times... or sat like she was horseback riding on her sister when about
6mth or 8mths old .. stuff like that.. :!:

So i gotta agree that some things are just best dealt with as it came along..
Bo pian..

Funz:

Personally, I feel how you handle the child after the arrival of the new baby is more important then what you do before. No matter how well prepared the kid is b4 the arrival of the new baby, they will definitely feel left out and insecure as everyone else is bound to be going goo goo and gah gahing over the new baby. So while everyone is cooing to the infant, I focus my attention on DD and will try to draw some of my relative's attention to DD by telling them how wonderful she has been and the things that she has done, be it colouring, new songs, etc.

Yes. Don't stop the fuss and the focus on the other sibling or siblings after
the arrival of baby. It reduces the effect of the jealousy. Well meaning
friends and relatives who are experienced in receiving a new bb in the
household, bought presents for both DD1 AND the baby. :love:

Very thoughtful. :please:

When they visited they took turns to play with her and didn't really ask her
so much about her feelings about the baby, but instead they asked what
she would like to do or watch on tv or if she wanted to go play something..

All these aside, there are also kiddie books one can read with the elder
sibling like say... :idea:... aaah... \"When My Baby Sister Came Home\"...
i think it is written by Christine Lim. It tells a story of how the baby sista
was crying despite who tried to appease her or who tried carrying her....
until the elder brother cradled his new baby sister in his arms, the baby
stopped crying and smiled up at him... i thought that book was sweet. :love:

DD1 and DD2 are constantly arguing these days being petty and whiny over
every single thing and i do worry if the baby's arrival (coming soon *gulp*)
is going to drive me crazy.. :frustrated: But hey, i will adopt the \"Deal with
stuff as we go along...\" No more elaborate preparations for me. :dowan:

:politebleah:

[Fuzz]

buds:

Yeeup! Nothing prepares them for the real thing eventually. Sigh... After
all that preparation, i caught DD1 putting a pillow over the baby a couple
of times... or sat like she was horseback riding on her sister when about
6mth or 8mths old .. stuff like that.. :!:

OMG so scary! :shock: Despite all the preparations u did! Ok I guess I need to prepare myself for such things too. I must also remember (and remind other family members) not to fuss too much over the baby and neglect the older one.

Any good story books about siblings? That one you mentioned sounds good. Will try to get a copy.

[buds]

Heyya Fuzz... when are you due again?


There are more OMG incidents i tell you but i suppose i was fortunate
enough to detect it or pounce upon it. My heart stopped each time i
had to deal with such occurences. We must also stop ourself before
we approach the matter to the elder sibling... instead of screaming
in horror... or dive straight into a one-sided shouting match at him or
her... cos in my experience i realised that jie jie actually meant no
malice. I was preparing either food or milk for DD2 and i couldn't hear
her immediately shouting and crying after i left the room. I made sure
that i \"saved\" the baby first! Checked that the baby is okay after which
i investigate the matter by casually asking what happened while i was
gone during those few minutes to prepare baby's food/milk. Apparently
she tried to sayang the baby a few times but the baby refused to keep
quiet, kicked up a fuss and was screaming... as the door was closed &
the kitchen was a short distance or perhaps i was partially deaf :roll:..
i didn't hear a thing. The last straw came when baby started to kick
around and accidentally kicked her face when she tried to go closer
to sayang baby and kiss her. That's when the pillow was dropped on
her face... to so call silence her. :shock: Fortunately i saw it the moment
i went back to the room. Horrifying i tell you but i tried to keep my cool...
which was hard, cos i almost couldn't breathe. I literally saw that few
seconds scene when the pillow came down baby's face. After i made
sure baby was fine, i felt my heartbeat racing and i paced myself to
calmly speak to the jie jie abt it. She was only 2.5yrs old then...

Moral of the story is, keep door opened... don't take too long in the
kitchen when the two are together :lol:... and never to take things
for granted.

It's natural for family members and friends to coo and crowd around
the baby during visits especially if the baby is extra cute! Dis
wan haiyah... sometimes cannot be helped. :lol:

I have frenz who ask if i need anything or if any thing on my baby
wishlist haven't been purchased or given by anyone else... so i
sometimes tell them, baby has enough for now and if they don't
mind, they can help me get something for the elder sibling...
Guess they get the idea and most times they will eventually come
and bring two prezzies... much to the delight of jie jie. Jie jie will
be placed in charge of giving and opening baby's prezzies and she
will be telling baby what this auntie or uncle had given to her... all
the time in smiles.

About siblings, yes definitely have... i do believe i did purchase a few.
I'll check and update you, okie? You take care now yeah...

[cherrygal]

If the sibling is 1yo, he or she wouldn’t know the difference with the new addition. The jealousy will come when both reach the terrible twos and threes.


If the sibling is 2 - 3yo, there will be intense jealousy when the baby arrives. You can’t prevent it as this is a behavioral milestone for kids that age. Parents just have to avoid getting into difficult situations. Reduce your expectations of the elder child as it is tough to get them to receive the new baby with open arms. Count yourself lucky if the elder child doesn’t hit the baby. Never leave them alone for now. But they will end up closer to each other when they are much older.

If the sibling is above 4yo, the chances of sibling rivalry will reduce significantly IF the parents know how to handle the feelings of the elder child. Usually, if the parents prepare the child well, the elder child will love the baby very much. The fights only come when the baby grows old enough to argue with the sibling.

Remember, if both need your attention, speak to the elder child first so as not to make him feel lesser than the newcomer. The baby can wait a little while as it still doesn’t know what is the meaning of neglect.

[buds]

:goodpost: cherrygal!

[buds]

Fuzz:

Any good story books about siblings? That one you mentioned sounds good. Will try to get a copy.

For books, I like Charlie & Lola and Strawberry Shortcake.

Charlie is elder boy and Lola the younger girl... both older age range.
Mebbe elder of primary school age and younger of pre-school age.

I have hell no idea the age of Strawberry Shortcake :lol:, but she has
a baby sister. For TV shows, they also have Charlie and Lola, Strawberry
Shortcake and like jedamum, i too like Tao Shu.

The baby sister is very cute. :love: Hor jedamum hor...
Can prepare brader boys for baby sister. :evil: