Spouse or Kids? Which comes first?

[nmhmum]

If you are talking about current, I will say kids first. And when my kids all grow up and know how to take care of themselves, then I will definitely choose my hubby.

[jedamum]

westmom:

Hmm...spouse or kid first ?..Hmm

Scene B:
Feverish DH : I got fever and I feel weak
Me : Just take panadol and go to sleep. By the way, sleep in the guestroom so that we don't get your virus...

For my case, whenever I am sick (especially fever cos I am allergic to fever med), DH will take leave and ensure that I have enough fluids and rest (by parking the kids in front of the computer and he keep an eye on them as he keep the other eye on the computer ). Cos he said he need me get well soon so that I can take care of the kids....even when I'm sick doesn't exempt me from wiping ds2's backside when he pooped. :roll:

[corneyAmber]

westmom:

Hmm...spouse or kid first ?..Hmm


Scene A:
Feverish DD : Mom..I feel so weak and my fever is like it's not going to come down...
Me : Don't worry dear, I will sleep beside you tonight... You feel better then right?

Scene B:
Feverish DH : I got fever and I feel weak
Me : Just take panadol and go to sleep. By the way, sleep in the guestroom so that we don't get your virus...

Answer is quite clear for my case..hor ? ha ha....

hahaha...you are so cute.. then when you are sick :xedfingers: , who cares for you or use same guestroom?

[Luvkid]

ks2me:

My spouse and I hardly speak in loud tones to one another, so my child does not speak in loud tones either. She watches us very closely so if we don't get ourselves right, it will affect her.

ya, kids are sensitive when anyone raises voice. My litttle one will run to the one who raise voice and asks,\"R U OK??\"

Well, towards this post, me feel like kids over hubby right now. Kids are still young, need me more than a 30 over year old man needs me :roll: At times, ya, he needs me, and i need him too:|

In time of whoever get sick, of cos we will be worried for the little ones first. Know that it is important to build bond with hubby, but really, i am already dog tired after tending to the kids, esp after a day work.....

[MLR]

Currently DS comes first, cos like Luvkid said, 2.5yo DS needs me more than 40+yo DH.


When DS is asleep, then DH gets attention from me, otherwise between DH and DS, DS gets my attention first.

Wait a minute, I think should be me first , cos recently was quite ill, first time in past 2 yrs need an MC to get well. It was terrible cos DH was away and I had to take care of DS, dog and sick me, by 2nd day raise white flag and call in mom for help. :oops:

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

We are both very busy working parents. My kids often either have missing mummy or missing daddy who either work longs hours or travel for work. So, both my hubby and I agree that whatever precious time left are meant for the kids.


Of course as a couple we do snatch private moments together. With working hours goes beyond normal, I've got the right to stroll in the office beyond normal hours too when my hubby is around. We got to eat breakfast together while the kids are in school. Or teatime together when the kids are in their enrichment class. Took leave once in a while to go binging for buffet. Or in worst scenario, I work at home past midnight, he sits besides me browsing through internet, listening to music, feed me tidbits & make coffee. :love:

[Luanee]

westmom:

Scene A:
Feverish DD : Mom..I feel so weak and my fever is like it's not going to come down...
Me : Don't worry dear, I will sleep beside you tonight... You feel better then right?

Scene B:
Feverish DH : I got fever and I feel weak
Me : Just take panadol and go to sleep. By the way, sleep in the guestroom so that we don't get your virus...

Sounds so familiar haha... I still rem a few years ago when DH was down with chickenpox, we quarantined him alone at home while me and 6-mth- old DD moved to stay with my mum. Poor feverish him got to take care of his own meals and stuff, sigh... what to do?

[RRMummy]

My reply was like many of u.. kids first! :love:


But, I have an auntie who has been married for 30+ years, both husband and wife are still very lurvey-dovey (imagine still have small love note leh!! ), their 2 late-teens boys are very well-behaved, adores their parents.. and great at their studies, good with violin, sports,..

I of course asked what is their secret - they told me on many separate occasions that the secret ingredient is to put each other and not the kids first!! My reaction was :!: ??

They explained that their secret was putting each other at #1... by the deep love and mutual respect they have for each other... everything else will fall in place..

- Husband and wife must agree on all family matters and discuss through to have ONE same understanding and reply for kids. You know how kids can go to one party to get an ideal reply - not in this family! They can make their point, then both parents will discuss on the validity of the argument, but surely one final mutually agreed decision.

- Very important to make time for each other. They highly recommend that we (hubs & I) take time-out (at least 3 -4 hours) preferrably at least once/twice a month for just each other away from the kids... for movies, dinner, whatever.. to talk things out concentrate just on each other, to feel loved and romanced all over again... they said it will remove negative feelings of each other..

They believe that it is through this deep love that they share for each other that radiates in the home. As their children sees this, they will naturally treat their parents, siblings (and strangers) in the same way.. with love and respect..

So.. I'm still struggling to be as what they are... for the fruits that they are enjoying now is just too sweet not to even give my 100% in trying... good luck to me and to all.. :xedfingers:

[RRMummy]

Luanee:

westmom:

Scene A:
Feverish DD : Mom..I feel so weak and my fever is like it's not going to come down...
Me : Don't worry dear, I will sleep beside you tonight... You feel better then right?

Scene B:
Feverish DH : I got fever and I feel weak
Me : Just take panadol and go to sleep. By the way, sleep in the guestroom so that we don't get your virus...

Sounds so familiar haha... I still rem a few years ago when DH was down with chickenpox, we quarantined him alone at home while me and 6-mth- old DD moved to stay with my mum. Poor feverish him got to take care of his own meals and stuff, sigh... what to do?

After a few occasions whereby kiddies got his flu and fever (we all share one room), DH moved himself to the guestroom when he was having high fever. So in the middle of the night, when I wake up to check his temperature and make him drink water or sponge him I had to walk to the other room instead.. (that's why my gals always say I have '3' babies!!) anyway, after 4 days of that, he was recovering and I ended up getting his virus.. :roll:

he complained and told me next time, just leave him alone and he will recover. At least while he is recovering, he did not have to take care of me!! MEN!! :stupid: :stupid: :stupid:

[3Boys]

Thanks for all the posts. I sure there are many nuances to this and sometimes what may seen different in writing on a forum may actually be the same in practice.


I do feel that it is important to at least occasionally put the spouse ahead of the kids. I say this in particular to all the dedicated Mummies out there who sacrifice so much for their families. Kudos to you. However, I feel that one needs to recognise that the foundation to a resilient family is a strong marriage. There are no end of things to do for the children, if you want to, you can spend 110% of your day on their stuff, to the detriment of the spouse. Imagine enjoying married life and then suddenly a stranger takes the place of your wife who is a mother to her kids but forgotten to be a spouse. Same thing for the hubby. There is a saying that the best thing a man can do for his kids is to be good to their mother. I'd like to think that the reverse is also at least somewhat true.

Wife and I have dinner out at least 1/fortnight by ourselves, and have an overnight 'getaway' about once a quarter. Of course, we schedule around kids activities, so we haven't been completely selfish. We feel that these are good occasions to re-connect and touch base on each other feelings which get lost in the hustle and bustle of daily living. In the grand scheme of things, how much have the children lost? They are still very young but have gotten used to our occasional absences, to the extent they don't even miss us! Do an additional 10-12 hours a month (on aggregate, my estimate of time away) of attention make a whole lot of difference?

Here's a way to look at it;

Average total awake family time available (after work/school, before sleep);

5x4hr(wkday) + 2x14hr(wkend) = 48hrs/week = 192hrs/month

2 dinners away per month = 2 x 4hrs = 8hrs/month
1 overnight getaway (wkday) / 3 months = 12/3 = 4hrs/month

Total time away = 4+8 = 12 hours, as a percentage of family time = 12/192 = 6.25%

You think those additional 12 hours are that vital to your kids? If you think so, I put it to you that you are over-estimating your importance to them! However, if you have zero time for spouse, I think those additional 12 hours per month may just be vital to the health of the relationship.

Just my thoughts.