Spouse or Kids? Which comes first?

[schellen]

RRMummy:

- Husband and wife must agree on all family matters and discuss through to have ONE same understanding and reply for kids. You know how kids can go to one party to get an ideal reply - not in this family! They can make their point, then both parents will discuss on the validity of the argument, but surely one final mutually agreed decision.


- Very important to make time for each other. They highly recommend that we (hubs & I) take time-out (at least 3 -4 hours) preferrably at least once/twice a month for just each other away from the kids... for movies, dinner, whatever.. to talk things out concentrate just on each other, to feel loved and romanced all over again... they said it will remove negative feelings of each other..

Yes, first one is very important. sashimi and I have a united front cos most of the time, we already share the same views. Therefore, DD doesn't try getting a second opinion. This also helps us when facing our parents. They have since learned that it is futile to use one of us to persuade the other and yield to us as long as they know we do it with our DD's interests at heart.

I want to thank sashimi for always remembering to make time for us as a couple. :love: If sickness or work bogs me down and I forget, he is always the one who will suggest and I look forward to such dates, no matter how simple they may be. Our parents help by taking turns to whisk DD away during weekends. We used to feel guilty about this until we realised that DD enjoys these times away from us too. Come to think of it, we only started having these dates on a regular basis after we had our DD, so in a way, our DD revived our marriage.

[RRMummy]

3Boys:

Wife and I have dinner out at least 1/fortnight by ourselves, and have an overnight 'getaway' about once a quarter. Of course, we schedule around kids activities, so we haven't been completely selfish.


Total time away = 4+8 = 12 hours, as a percentage of family time = 12/192 = 6.25%

Hi 3Boys, you are very analytical!! Kudos for making the effort! :celebrate:

3Boys:

You think those additional 12 hours are that vital to your kids? If you think so, I put it to you that you are over-estimating your importance to them!

I think most mummies do steal time with their hubs in their own unique ways... stealing ice-cream treats, breakfast/teatime/buffet treat, hawt nights.. :evil:

..just that the delicious idea of overnight getaways may be impossible for parents like myself who has nowhere to park our kids during this adventurous nights..

for first timers, guilt will be there.. but so long as you know the kiddies are in safe hands, after the first 2 times, you will be fine..

[clarabella]

3Boys:

5x4hr(wkday) + 2x14hr(wkend) = 48hrs/week = 192hrs/month

2 dinners away per month = 2 x 4hrs = 8hrs/month
1 overnight getaway (wkday) / 3 months = 12/3 = 4hrs/month

Total time away = 4+8 = 12 hours, as a percentage of family time = 12/192 = 6.25%

Wow, 3Boys, that sure puts it in perspective.

12 hours... right... doesn't sound like much. But for me, it's not do-able. Simply because there is no one else to take care of the kids if we're away.
12 hours are definitely vital to my kids' continued existence.

So, I congratulate all those couples who have time to go for getaways etc. You're lucky to be able to leave your kids with trustworthy caretakers.

[westmom]

ks2me:

westmom:

Hmm...spouse or kid first ?..Hmm


Scene A:
Feverish DD : Mom..I feel so weak and my fever is like it's not going to come down...
Me : Don't worry dear, I will sleep beside you tonight... You feel better then right?

Scene B:
Feverish DH : I got fever and I feel weak
Me : Just take panadol and go to sleep. By the way, sleep in the guestroom so that we don't get your virus...

Answer is quite clear for my case..hor ? ha ha....

hahaha...you are so cute.. then when you are sick :xedfingers: , who cares for you or use same guestroom?

Ks2me - When I am sick, I get to stay in the master bedroom to quarantine myself (got attached bathroom mah!) so husband also get kicked out to guestrm...My maid pops in to leave me porridge or soup in my room lor but she has to wash her hands thoroughly ...I very kiasu in this dept!

[3Boys]

Hey, I want to apologise if I have come across as pontificating. Certainly many couples feel challenged to find somewhere to park their kids, especially if you’ve already called upon your childcare resources to help during the workday.


I’ve been blessed with supportive PILs. 3 months after the birth of my first child, I was on a business trip to France and asked the DW along. She felt so horribly guilty about leaving the infant at home she cried the first night in Paris. Later she told me my MIL had told her not to worry about the baby, anybody can look after that, but only she can look after the husband…! MIL had encouraged DW to go.

So I guess I have it easy…not to be patronising, but if you were challenged but there was some way you could be a little thick-skinned and ask parents/PIL/siblings, you think you would try?

[winth]

3Boys:

She felt so horribly guilty about leaving the infant at home she cried the first night in Paris.

Felt the same way too when DH asked me to leave DS1 (6 months old) overnight at my mum's. DH could see that I was terribly overworked (being a new mum) and had a very strong attachment towards the newborn.

Woke up very early the next morning to pick baby up to see how he was doing. Everyone (including baby) had a great night sleep, except for me. Too worried until kanna insomnia that night. This trend continued even when DS1 was a walking toddler, so bad that it affected DH. Once he even asked, 'Am I important to you?' I was

Learnt to let go and started to sneak out for couple dates even more often. It is enjoyable to be 'free' again. Once, we even have late night roti prata date, just like the old times.

Now, no need to think about it. When we feel like doing things together, we'll seek help elsewhere, parents/childcare/even my friend's place, except for MIL side.

We went for this Taiwan trip in Feb, after hesitating for a while on whether we should include DS1 (6 years old now) but decided that we should go overseas for ourselves. Glad we made that choice. We had train rides, night markets, cave-trekking and bagpack all the way. So fun! If DS1 had come along, we might be staying for days at the theme park. What a bore...

[RRMummy]

3Boys:

So I guess I have it easy....not to be patronising, but if you were challenged but there was some way you could be a little thick-skinned and ask parents/PIL/siblings, you think you would try?

Lucky u!! If I had that option, yes, I would!

[RRMummy]

winth:

We went for this Taiwan trip in Feb, after hesitating for a while on whether we should include DS1 (6 years old now) but decided that we should go overseas for ourselves. Glad we made that choice. We had train rides, night markets, cave-trekking and bagpack all the way. So fun!

Wah... :drool:

[mckenzy]

a few things i’ve observed down this journey of putting the marriage first:


1. its difficult to have ‘enough’ time… i take it as, there will never be enough time when the kids are growing…
2. because of that, grab whatever time that opportunity presents and make it count… many times when we let our guard slip, we meet, rush through explaining our day and forget to bond…
3. and because of that, the time we snatch is wasted…

there are a few levels of communication (there are a few schools of thought about the actual number but thats not important now)…

level one
-----------
casual talk. "how was your day", "are you hungry"?.. etc…
general topics

level two
-----------
Feelings. "i feel down today, boss scolded me, not happy with my work…"
deeper topics

level three
------------
Feelings. But no need for words.
Just holding each other’s hand, a hug/embrace

level four
-----------
hubby talks to a female colleague and the wife from 20 miles away feels that there is something amiss…
this one ‘power’ level of communication, suggesting a very deep level of intimacy existing between husband and wife


not sure about you guys/gals, but in general, level four is of course the ideal level to communicate…

for me, level three is the best i can try to strive towards with my wife.

in practice, level two should be the level you engage each other with the moment you have time together…

if you’re stuck at level one most of the time… something is wrong with your relationship… fix it fast


…

[buds hubs]

Hmmm.. The topic is : Spouse of kids? Which comes first??


Has anyone ever thought about it this way?

\"Spouse of KSP?? Which comes first??\" :lol: