How to prepare your child for a sibling?

[Fuzz]

Funz:

When the baby 1st arrives, the older child may not show much reaction cos the baby is sleeping most of the time. When the baby is about 3-4mths old, that is when they start feeling the impact of having a sibling more. They start getting clingy to mummy, wanting mummy to do everything for them when in the past they are perfectly ok with others helping them. They may even start regressing, peeing in their pants, wanting their milk bottle, revert back to baby speak, wanting to be carried all the time, wanting to be fed their meals. And they will also suddenly find baby toys more interesting then their own age appropriate toys.

Yes that's happening with my friend's son! She was complaining that he started baby talking again (he's 3 and baby sister is 5 months) and he often wants to be carried and fed, especially at times when his sister is being fed. Before this, he always wanted to feed himself and do things on his own.

So based on your experience, what's the best way to deal with this?

[MummyThreeStreams]

I think I’m quite fortunate. DS1 adapted to the arrival of DS2 quite well. He was 3 when DS2 arrived. We spoke about DS2 very matter of factly - and let DS1 talk to DS2 in my tummy. He would always ask to kiss and hug him even before DS2 was born. I think at that stage, he was generally very fascinated with all babies, so he was looking forward to having a baby of his own (yes, we referred to DS2 as OUR baby, so DS1 felt some ownership).


When DS2 arrived, and DS1 went to the hospital to see us for the first time, we made it a point to (a) not have DS2 in the room with me when DS1 arrived, but for him and DH to go to the nursery to collect him (b) have gifts for DS1 "from" DS2 allow him to explore, touch and kiss DS2 with us.

We also got the grandparents to come help to either play with him during , or to help me take care of DS2 while I spent time with DS1.

I also attribute the easy transition to breastfeeding. I continued breastfeeding DS1 thru pregnancy and when DS2 arrived. This "forced" me to spend 1-on-1 time with him several times a day, so he could still get that closeness and comfort from me and not get forgotten amidst the busy-ness of the new baby. Also, my milk supply received a huge boost with DS2’s birth, so DS1 associated DS2’s arrival with extra bountiful supplies of milk!

Now we’re expecting another baby. So far the two older ones appear to be quite excited and positive about it. But I’m not taking anything for granted, especially for DS1 who is older, and who may feel the changes more this time round. We’ve talked to him about what to expect from babies (e.g. they will cry a lot. I also told him I will be tired in the earlier months and he offered to help me take care of DS2 so I could get rest!) We’ll see how it goes.

[jedamum]

MummyThreeStreams:

When DS2 arrived, and DS1 went to the hospital to see us for the first time, we made it a point to (a) not have DS2 in the room with me when DS1 arrived, but for him and DH to go to the nursery to collect him (b) have gifts for DS1 \"from\" DS2 (c) allow him to explore, touch and kiss DS2 with us.

We also got the grandparents to come help to either play with him during , or to help me take care of DS2 while I spent time with DS1.

MummyThreeStreams,
I did exactly the same as above.

[MummyThreeStreams]

jedamum:

MummyThreeStreams:

When DS2 arrived, and DS1 went to the hospital to see us for the first time, we made it a point to (a) not have DS2 in the room with me when DS1 arrived, but for him and DH to go to the nursery to collect him (b) have gifts for DS1 \"from\" DS2 (c) allow him to explore, touch and kiss DS2 with us.

We also got the grandparents to come help to either play with him during , or to help me take care of DS2 while I spent time with DS1.

MummyThreeStreams,
I did exactly the same as above.

Tried and tested!

[mummyJune]

im not really sure how to prepare my son for his meimei. my son now is 17mths+, my no.2 is due nxt april. now he is very clingly to my husband cos my husband bring him to & fro my inlaws place daily & due to my big tummy i cant carry him too long also. but i always hug him & pat him to sleep every night.


most of the time after work & wkends i will spend time reading/playing with him but he still want my husband more.

[jedamum]

mummyJune:

im not really sure how to prepare my son for his meimei. my son now is 17mths+, my no.2 is due nxt april. now he is very clingly to my husband cos my husband bring him to & fro my inlaws place daily & due to my big tummy i cant carry him too long also. but i always hug him & pat him to sleep every night.


most of the time after work & wkends i will spend time reading/playing with him but he still want my husband more.

it is good that your boy cling to your husband....cos you will be busy with the newborn next April. so what's your concern??

[mummyJune]

jedamum:

mummyJune:

im not really sure how to prepare my son for his meimei. my son now is 17mths+, my no.2 is due nxt april. now he is very clingly to my husband cos my husband bring him to & fro my inlaws place daily & due to my big tummy i cant carry him too long also. but i always hug him & pat him to sleep every night.


most of the time after work & wkends i will spend time reading/playing with him but he still want my husband more.

it is good that your boy cling to your husband....cos you will be busy with the newborn next April. so what's your concern??

cos he wants his daddy more than mummy, like he dun wan me this mummy..(tink i might be too sensitive)

[cherrygal]

Fuzz:

Yes that's happening with my friend's son! She was complaining that he started baby talking again (he's 3 and baby sister is 5 months) and he often wants to be carried and fed, especially at times when his sister is being fed. Before this, he always wanted to feed himself and do things on his own.


So based on your experience, what's the best way to deal with this?

Well, it's perfectly normal esp for those in their twos and threes to regress with jealousy... You gotta give the elder one individual time. When my dh is home, he takes the baby out for a long walk after dinner. That's the time I spend with my elder son. We could be watching TV, doing assessment books or just talk about his day. For younger kids, you could read them a book, cuddle or just take them out for ice cream.

Speaking abt regression, even my 6yo son wanted to play with the baby toys! I just tell him that he will get baby toys for Christmas since he wants to be a baby... He stopped straightaway.

[MummyThreeStreams]

cherrygal:

Speaking abt regression, even my 6yo son wanted to play with the baby toys! I just tell him that he will get baby toys for Christmas since he wants to be a baby... He stopped straightaway.

Haha! Good one!

[Funz]

Fuzz:

Funz:

When the baby 1st arrives, the older child may not show much reaction cos the baby is sleeping most of the time. When the baby is about 3-4mths old, that is when they start feeling the impact of having a sibling more. They start getting clingy to mummy, wanting mummy to do everything for them when in the past they are perfectly ok with others helping them. They may even start regressing, peeing in their pants, wanting their milk bottle, revert back to baby speak, wanting to be carried all the time, wanting to be fed their meals. And they will also suddenly find baby toys more interesting then their own age appropriate toys.

Yes that's happening with my friend's son! She was complaining that he started baby talking again (he's 3 and baby sister is 5 months) and he often wants to be carried and fed, especially at times when his sister is being fed. Before this, he always wanted to feed himself and do things on his own.

So based on your experience, what's the best way to deal with this?

I dun have a 'best way' to deal with this. This is a phase that they will eventually get over. Understand that their behaviour stems from being insecure and be patient with them. It can get frustrating with 2 kiddos demanding your attention. So like what some mummies here mentioned, get daddy to take the baby so that you can have some uninterupted time with #1. Let him know that this is your special time with him and baby needs his/her special time with you as well. They will eventually learn that the sooner mummy can settle baby, the more time mummy can have with me. And when mummy is tied up with baby, get daddy to spend special time with #1.