Adversity in Life

[nightsky87]

Just some random musings:


I think as parents, everyone wants their child to grow up in the best possible environment. This includes the providence of adequate food and shelter, preventing them from harm, but as they grow older, their locus of control increases - and the parents' influence over what happens to them decreases accordingly. The question is, to what extent do we protect our children from harm, and vice versa, do what extent do we allow our children to go out into the stormy and ever turbulent world known as reality?

Everyone wants their children to have the best life, even if it means sacrificing everything. From the indonesian tsunami to the szechuan quake, parents have proved countless times their willingness to sacrifice even their own lives to ensure that their children survives - but how often have we heard the saying (although not exactly relevant) that 'to love someone is to set them free'?

Adversity in life is as inevitable as life and death itself. Instead of trying to prevent adversity, how do we educate our children to approach, and even embrace, adversity so that they become stronger emotionally and psychologically?

Sorry for the wordy post :oops: 对不起! すみません！

[mintcc]

it is true indeed… children who are too protected do no understand how hard life is… and eventually parents can’t really protect their children forever. Question is how to equip them to be strong in the face of adversity?

[mckenzy]

take away their allowance

[jedamum]

mincy:

Question is how to equip them to be strong in the face of adversity?

to avoid shielding the kids from the real world perhaps?
i do heard of parents not wanting the kid to find out that they had lost their jobs or going through hard times. i personally feel that sharing such with the kids and showing to them how the parent themselves brave through such hardships will have some positive impact on the kid.
jmho.

[clarabella]

mckenzy:

take away their allowance

:rotflmao:
Yes, this will definitely force them to wake up in a hurry.
On the other hand... heard of how creative Japanese girls earn pocket money? :shock:

[sashimi]

[Editor's note: Topic selected for http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/teaching-children-handle-adversity-life.]


I think there are two ways to build a child's - a person's - capacity to handle adversity in life. Both deal with the creation of personal understanding. One must understand adversity in order to be able to deal with it.

One way is the really bad way - personal suffering. How to understand hunger and poverty? Experience it yourself. How to understand the disabled? Lose an arm yourself. How to understand death? Lose a loved one yourself.

The other way is much more desirable, but it escapes many. It's called empathy. Many people today can't handle adversity in life because, quite simply, they never cared about it before. They never thought about it. They couldn't care less if others suffered. So when they themselves suffer... they have no understanding of it at all, including how to get over it.

Empathy is about engaging one's emotional core, to be able to feel the pain of others. Sounds easy, but simple truth is very few people have good EQ.

How does one \"train\" empathy? Actually, the resources available are plentiful. The trick is to find the right one that will \"break\" your child.

What are these resources? Could be a sad story book, a movie with a sad scene, an entire tragic film, etc.

For me, the first time I broke down and cried in empathy was when I read a particular novel when I was age 12. One of the heroes died a tragic death.

For my daughter, she was 5 when she first saw Totoro (Miyazaki's film) where the elder sister breaks down in tears when she thinks her mother is going to die. Somewhat to my surprise, my girl spontaneously burst into tears during this scene.

I was actually glad something had touched her empathic core. This is important.


Many people today still think that mass media entainment, including movies, books, TV shows, are just that - entertainment. But some people know that they can be very moving. While many stories are fictional, the important thing is that they can touch people emotionally. This is valuable life experience without having to suffer yourself. Incidentally, this is also one of the values of studying literature in school, in case anyone ever wondered.

So, I would say - as soon as it's appropriate, let your child watch/read some of these. Some, like Totoro, look like harmless cartoons but in fact are incredible works of art on many levels. (However, I still refuse to watch Grave of the Fireflies, too sad.) It will teach them both the good and the tragic bits of life.

These are much better alternatives than showing your child useless scenes of violence, war, disease, politicking on the news. These will just desensitize them, and tell them that the world is a mess not worth living in.

[corneyAmber]

clarabella:

On the other hand... heard of how creative Japanese girls earn pocket money? :shock:

You mean selling their \"private collections\" of their belongings?

[sashimi]

ks2me:

clarabella:

On the other hand... heard of how creative Japanese girls earn pocket money? :shock:

You mean selling their \"private collections\" of their belongings?

WELL! Those of you with SONS had better make sure they are not the ones buying!!! :roll:

[clarabella]

ks2me:

clarabella:

On the other hand... heard of how creative Japanese girls earn pocket money? :shock:

You mean selling their \"private collections\" of their belongings?

Er, yes... but that's not all they are selling... :shock:

[corneyAmber]

sashimi:

ks2me:

[quote=\"clarabella\"]
On the other hand... heard of how creative Japanese girls earn pocket money? :shock:

You mean selling their \"private collections\" of their belongings?

WELL! Those of you with SONS had better make sure they are not the ones buying!!! :roll:[/quote]Ya boy...no demand...cannot supply..