How to tell if a child is gifted?

[Trapwithin]

2ppaamm:

smurf:

Has anyone read this before? :?


http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/

Yes, we have a huge discussion about Ainan here at KSP before. I think one of his parents also reacted to somethings we said here.

I believe this child is very bright and certainly a prodigy. If he were my child, I would perhaps have done very different things with him. I certainly cannot claim to have as bright a kid, nor am I a better parent. But, these are things I'd do or not do:

1. I'd rather my child not be child prodigy, for there're just that handful of prodigies who truly make it as adults. I wish he'll discover more about himself than quantum theory.

2. I'd rather have him see the world, than having the world recognise him.

2. I'd rather not have him bother to write for publication and peer evaluators but get him to write to touch the hearts and minds of common people, to reach out to them and be relevant to them.

3. If he chooses to follow my footsteps and become an academic, I'd rather he not publish at 10, but at 90.

4. I'd not expose him to the press, and I'd not find joy in telling the world how smart he is. I'd wish him a few true friends whom he can share small successes with, run with the guys and enjoy a good laugh at each other's stupidity and mistakes.

5. I'd not take pain to show case his difference. I'd rather rejoice in him being just the same as the neighbour's boy.

6. I'd not show the world how bitter I am when the rest of the world disagree with the way I should view my son, but take the opportunity to show him what grace and forgiveness is about. This is not a fair world and we should never demand it to be.

7. If I have my choice, I'd want my son's IQ be to around 120, and an EQ of 210 (if there's a measurement of EQ). Add a kind heart and a love for living, joy and not bitterness, the ability to present and have his ideas accepted. A sympathy for the poor and respect for the old. A love for his country, patriotism, filial piety, gratitude, politeness, forgiveness, and most importantly, humility. In other words, VALUES. I want him to value principles more than academic knowledge.

BUT these are just my thoughts. I don't think I have, don't wish to have and don't need to have a kid prodigy. I just wished the world would accept him the way he is and allow him the simplicities of live, a chance to be one of the boys. And, if he so happens to make it to the uni early, we'll rejoice in that too - if that's really what he wants to do. Is that too much to ask for?

Well Said again. You are indeed an excellent mom. :udawoman:

[2ppaamm]

smurf:

Hi 2ppaamm,


Upon your advice, I went to signed ds1 for violin, coz he said he is very keen to take up. But after few lesons, he gets very slack, very lazy to practice, sometimes, practice only 2-3 times a week...and when I nag at him, he is angry, how to teach him? Sigh...

Hi smurf, I agree with Sun that 2-3 times a week is fine. He is only 5.5. Have you tried these:
1. Give him a schedule to practise violin, make sure you follow, and he follows.
2. Offer him an incentive when he does practice, does not matter how long or how often.
3. Give him some targets.
4. Don't nag? The more you do that, the more he'll dread the practice. If you really have to, restrict yourself to ONE minute, and don't ever repeat what you've said before. Tough right? :lol: By nature, I don't really like to nag, but I tell stories to make my point. I try to be creative, but nowadays, my children said it is just a creative way of nagging, so now I have to find other means...:?
5. Offer lots of positive feedback, no matter what the music sounds like.
6. Break out the practice sessions into small chunks of 10 minutes or 5 minutes each and increase that slowly.
7. Don't tell him what is the right way to practice, unless the teacher specifically tell you to watch out for some thing. Having one music teacher is enough. Let him be. He might take a little longer but he'll be independent earlier.

I've used many of the above, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. A gift is a gift, it doesn't go away, so if he misses one or two days a week, I think it is fine. We adjust our expectations accordingly, I guess.

Key thing is, he should not lose interest by being pushed too far. A diamond is a diamond, it is a matter of time it will shine if we keep polishing it.

[smurf]

2ppaamm:

4. Don't nag? The more you do that, the more he'll dread the practice. If you really have to, restrict yourself to ONE minute, and don't ever repeat what you've said before. Tough right? :lol: By nature, I don't really like to nag, but I tell stories to make my point. I try to be creative, but nowadays, my children said it is just a creative way of nagging, so now I have to find other means...:?

Hahaha...your kids are cute!


Thanks for the advice. Will try that! :thankyou:

[pingsped]

Angelight:

pingsped, you mentioned in one of the posts that you are keen to organise a playgroup. I'm interested to know more, pls PM me?

I've sent a PM. Pls check yr inbox.

[Rio]

It was really an eye opener to read thru all the postings. By conicidence, before I come in to read in this thread, I was reading a novel by Jodi Picoult, <House> talking about a teenage boy who has Asperger’s syndrome. It was the 1st time i came across that term, and I thought it only happens in novels. It really never occurs to me that is is such a real problem. Really salute all you parents for all the work u does for your kids.

[Rio]

Sorry I mean House Rules.

[comfy]

2ppaamm:

Hi smurf, I agree with Sun that 2-3 times a week is fine. He is only 5.5. Have you tried these:

1. Give him a schedule to practise violin, make sure you follow, and he follows.
2. Offer him an incentive when he does practice, does not matter how long or how often.
3. Give him some targets.
4. Don't nag? The more you do that, the more he'll dread the practice. If you really have to, restrict yourself to ONE minute, and don't ever repeat what you've said before. Tough right? :lol: By nature, I don't really like to nag, but I tell stories to make my point. I try to be creative, but nowadays, my children said it is just a creative way of nagging, so now I have to find other means...:?
5. Offer lots of positive feedback, no matter what the music sounds like.
6. Break out the practice sessions into small chunks of 10 minutes or 5 minutes each and increase that slowly.
7. Don't tell him what is the right way to practice, unless the teacher specifically tell you to watch out for some thing. Having one music teacher is enough. Let him be. He might take a little longer but he'll be independent earlier.

I've used many of the above, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. A gift is a gift, it doesn't go away, so if he misses one or two days a week, I think it is fine. We adjust our expectations accordingly, I guess.

Key thing is, he should not lose interest by being pushed too far. A diamond is a diamond, it is a matter of time it will shine if we keep polishing it.

I really like your sharing and I am going to cut this pointers and paste it in my notebk/wall else how to remember. Especially the diamond part, going to tell my dd that (during pracitsing time, when it get tough) that she is going to be beautiful and shining diamond if she keeps on practising/polishing it.This is

[joylly]

Hie 2ppaamm


U signed a contract with yr boy when he was 7.5 yrs old ! ! !

For learning his piano and go thru til Grade 8 !

WOW ! I really paifu yr \"guts\". Whats the consequences if yr boy break the contract ? Or that You've already foresee that he will not break the contract ? What kinda weak spot have u got yr hands over him ? ha ha ha aa

I'm asking cause my boy is finishing his Yamaha JXC very very soon ! :celebrate: In fact his Yamaha grade 9 exam will be next Tuesday !

Yea, I'd recently started him on his piano too, acting as a transitory phase for him, while at same time helping him with his music theory and practical. Sure it does helps !

However, recently just last week he told me he wanted to stop learning his music cause he hates exam ! Of course, thats' not a valid reason !

For the past 4 yrs while in Yamaha he had complains, tc etc and wanted to stop his class. But there again after some persuasion and me speaking with him, he continued. :roll:

So yr post about the contract for the piano learning got my interest ! ha ha aha a really no offence here, but what kinda attitude and mentlity do u have when u thought of this idea ?

I wonder whether it'll work for my dear son or not ! :?

And today he told me that he wanted to continue cause he has passion in music and he has talent in it, and yes, actually he loves and enjoy music ! :love: But in a way thats more of a trying to convince himself ? :lol:

So now the mummy, me here is asking myself and praying about it.
I am not able to read his mind nor know what he's thinking ... the answer that he's giving me is exactly the reason that I gave him !

So at the end of the day, what do i want ? I want him to continue learning his music cause he really is good in it, in all the musicalities .

Should i let him decide what he whats or do we the parents guide him in his potential ?

[2ppaamm]

Hi Joylly,


This contractual thing... not sure what kind of mentality I have in mind when I thought about it 9 years ago. Just that I saw how my nephew who is very talented, would give up everything he learns half way. I saw my own sister, being very talented, but also gave up everything half-way and I didn't like that.

I am a bit more disciplined rather than talented. When I start learning something, I want to achieve something before I quit, no matter how difficult it gets along the way. So this is the spirit I wanted to inculcate in my children. It does not matter if you do not want to start, but if you do, then you must see it to finish. To me, to finish means to get Grade 8 done. I think that's quite clear in this house.

What kind of effect? I'm not very sure. My oldest boy still plays the piano everyday, though he has finished 2 diplomas two years ago. I don't know what he is playing, though. He will compose some strange noises in complete dissonance. But it is ok, as long as he likes it.

During the pursuit of fulfilling his contract, it got difficult some times, and mostly because of his very demanding teacher. We then switched to a more lenient teacher who is good at handling kids who are different. He has perfect pitch and I'd call it 'perfect rhythm'. He can tell you how many beats in a minute when listening to a piece of music. Kind of strange... The teacher adds on to his different way of looking at music (she does not say, \"faster\" or \"slower\" because that confuses him, she tells him exactly how many beats she wants in a minute).

There were also times he put in 11 solid hours of practice a day because he had an exam and he wanted to do well. And he did pretty well.

After his diplomas, he wanted to continue for the third but I felt it was not necessary, because he was so occupied with things. Sometimes, he tells me he hates the piano. Sometimes, he tells me the piano is so beautiful. When he wanted to buy a guitar, I decided not to give him a contract because he is already so big. Surprisingly, he learnt how to play it (pretty well!) through Youtube. I guess the discipline from 7.5 years old did help!

Quite the same for the rest of the 3 who have finished grade 8, but the last one is pretty difficult. Maybe being the last child, I'm a whole lot less disciplined myself, and I'm also a lot lazier and busier... Even the piano teacher noticed that!

I guess if we expect our children to be disciplined, we have to show them how to be. And yes, if exam is a problem, then he should skip the exams and do it later. My youngest son signed up for an exam this year but skipped it because I felt it gave him too much anxiety. We decided to slow down a bit. Hope this is of help to your journey!

[joylly]

Hie 2ppaamm


Thank you for sharing with me. It is indeed very helpful and has given me an idea of what \" is to come \".

The one thing that caught my heart is the part where u say a few of relatives starts and give up halfway, and for you discipline is an important thing. To start and to finish it - Grade 8. Yes, there will be times when faced with some difficulties. I think you're really great !

In fact I have also heard of people who gave up while in Grade 5, cause its really not easy. Most people do ! Give up ! It's a real waste after having spent so long to go thru the the initial grades.

How long does yr son takes to finish Grade 8 ?

Truthfully speaking I'm still searching for the \"truth\" out there of children learning music. Ppl who stops, ppl who starts and end ( like you ) and also stories of piano teachers throwing the music pieces on the floor and like my son's present Yamaha teacher, she scolds the class every Friday ! sigh ..... even though she dont scold my son, but its all the negative vibes he receives as a bystander for the last 2 yrs ! sigh ......

You could say I'm a bit apprehensive whether my son will finish til Grade 8, even though i want him to. And also whether he could handle the exams + his own school exams when he's in P3 - P6.