disappointment wif kids

[tamarind]

24hr-mum:

for academic classes, usu the kids are not interested in subjects that they are weak. so cant let them learn 'based on interest'. i feel that they must learn that in life, some things u hv to do even if u are not interested, if they are essential. avoiding difficulties only make them soft

As parents, we should still have our own life. That's why I continue to work even after I have 2 kids. I love traveling, and I even continue to travel for leisure on my own, without the kids. I work not only to provide for the kids, but so that I can enjoy retail therapy when necessary. This way, I am still living my life the way I want it to be, so I don't have to pin all my hopes on my kids.

As for enrichment classes for English/Chinese/Maths, these can be a big waste of money. It is not true that if kids attend expensive classes, then they will do well academically. Many of these classes do not have the best methods to teach kids.

I do my own research to find out what the most effective methods to teach my kids at home. I only need to spend less than 30 mins teaching each child, and I am very happy with their English and Chinese, no enrichment classes can achieve that kind of standards.

Instead of sending to enrichment classes, parents should spend more time finding out what are the best methods to teach your kids. I believe that all kids love to learn by nature, but it is just that the teaching methods in the classes do not suit them. It is not fair to blame the kids for being lazy.

The only thing that I am disappointed with, is that my boy do not like maths. My hubby and I, and even my older girl, are all able to do maths effortlessly, and we all love maths. Sometimes I do feel sad that my boy have not inherited this ability, but that is really not his fault. I taught Maths to a large number of students before, and I know that if a person does not have strong abilities in Maths, he may still be able to score an A or B, if he is very hardworking, but we cannot hope for near perfect scores. That is why, I do not even bother to send him to maths enrichment classes, it would have been useless, and may even make him hate maths even more. I am still thinking of ways to encourage him to like maths, and I do hope that he is just a late developer.

[24hr-mum]

what if u are just asking ur boy to do only 1 page or 2page of worksheet n he tells u, why ask me do so much wk, i cant finish leh? and starts to whine n whine?


if he doesnt want tuition, surely u hv to teach urself. but if he is not willig to cooperate and work wif u, ie unteachable at hm, how?

let him fail his sch exam?
u know, there are some kids who say, fail, fail lor.
eg when i told my girl, if u dont get ready now i wld leave the house wifout u, and she say then i dont go lor. n u know u cant leave her alone at home but hv to bring her out, then how?

[pummanuel]

tamarind:

...parents should spend more time finding out what are the best methods to teach your kids. I believe that all kids love to learn by nature, but it is just that the teaching methods in the classes do not suit them.

I second Tamarind on this. Many of my daughter's classmates attend academic enrichment programmes and my daughter also wanted to try. She tried trial classes but didn't like them and told me she preferred me to teach. Being an untrained mother, I tried several methods before getting it right. Though we still have our 'confrontations' at times (hehe), but generally our lessons are fun and enjoyable.

Of course, I do not know what she will become when she grows up. So I just invest and save hard to plan for an overseas tertiary education. I may or may not use it but at least with Plan B, I'm not so stressed out.

tamarind:

The only thing that I am disappointed with, is that my boy do not like maths. My hubby and I, and even my older girl, are all able to do maths effortlessly, and we all love maths. Sometimes I do feel sad that my boy have not inherited this ability, but that is really not his fault.

I know of a family of CPAs (Chartered Accountants). They groomed the eldest son to be an accountant. He's working in the top accounting firm now. The plan is he will either become a partner through his family's connections or take over his uncle's accounting firm.

As for the second son, he was always struggling with Maths. Though he managed to get an A or B but by his family's standards, he did not make the mark in terms of numerical sense. BUT he reads very extensively. He went to HCI Humanities scheme, topped the Humanities cohort and got a scholarship to Oxford/Cambridge (I cannot remember).

[24hr-mum]

but not all kids can be homeschooled.

my boy only listens to outsiders to whom he will not whine.

[tamarind]

pummanuel,

My boy likes English much better, and I will support him in whatever courses that he wants to do in the future.
But he has to study maths until A levels, and I just feel sad for him, that he is going to have to put in a lot more hard work to get above average grades.

My boy also prefers me to teach him, our lessons are also fun and enjoyable.

24hr-mum,
I would not say that I homeschooled my kids, because they attended kindergarten. I do enrichment at home, so that I don’t need to spend extra money. When I teach at home, it is completely different from how the teachers teach in the classroom. The child has my undivided attention, and he is always engaged in interesting activities. Many parents think that kids should learn by sitting at a desk and write for many hours a day, this is a mistake. If we use effective methods, a child can spend less than 30 mins a day learning, and still be far more advance than other kids.

[MMM]

We were at a family gathering and were discussing about kids. One of my sils and her hubby were \"bickering\" on favouritism. My sil claimed that my bil cannot teach my PSLE nephew as he is always impatient with him (he was doing badly academic). My bil was like if you can teach him well and is so patient why are you starting to scream at him now???? Even the neighbours can hear.


Then we came to a realisation that she is not the only one who did it (*scream at kids*). Another sil also did it with her P4 son. Er... my hubby chipped in and said I do that too so our neighbours probably know us very well already The scolding mum and the lazy kids

Sometimes I feel that it stems from our stressful lives. I know I am not very patient when I coach them at night after a day at work. Sometimes I also have to manage with night conference calls. So if they are cooperative, good. If not.. then I would get frustrated and started to scold them.

Also, I agree that I do get sorely disappointed if they don't do well in school. This is because after spending so much time with them and spending so much money, we do expect to see results. I always tell them passing is never a issue in their case. We are not talking about passing but doing their best and getting good scores. I also told them, if they do badly because the question is difficult, I accept it. But I cannot accept careless mistakes. This will make me very angry...

[jedamum]

[quote]I think we need to accept our kids for what they are, and not what we wish for them to be. [/quote]
for me, the above will not apply to attitude problems. what makes me vomit blood is the laziness and refusal to listen to good advice (with regards to the importance of proper handwriting and checking and following instructions). i wish them to grow up to be responsible and not complacent and will not accept them being lazy.

giving up on them is just an easy way out for them.
giving up on them because they are rude/disrespectful, will only push them further away from you.
giving up on them because they are weak academically, will only give them an easy way of doing lesser work (when i heard myself saying,'if you are not interested in doing, then don't do lor!' sounds more like an incentive for them! i surely not going to give them such incentive for being lazy!)

adjusting expectations is not giving up, you know. when it reached a point that i had vomited enough blood, i give up....only for the day.

hang on....

[jedamum]

MMM:

We are not talking about passing but doing their best and getting good scores. I also told them, if they do badly because the question is difficult, I accept it. But I cannot accept careless mistakes. This will make me very angry...

Exactly!

[tamarind]

jedamum:

MMM:

We are not talking about passing but doing their best and getting good scores. I also told them, if they do badly because the question is difficult, I accept it. But I cannot accept careless mistakes. This will make me very angry...

Exactly!

Instead of getting angry, parents should think of ways to motivate kids to be more careful.

For example, I told my girl that when she buy things, she has to count her money very carefully, otherwise she may lose money. My girl likes money very much so she understands why she has to be careful.

Also, teach kids how to check their work. For example, put a finger under every word and read carefully. For maths, work out the answers using a different method to check. If they have time, check 3 times.

When I was young, my parents promised me small rewards if I do well, and that really motivated me to be more careful.

I try my best not to be angry, because that will only make my kids more stressful, and make more mistakes.

[mummy of 2]

tamarind:

The only thing that I am disappointed with, is that my boy do not like maths.

I know this is OT but my DS1 has just started a Maths enrichment programme, which is very hands-on, and fun. If you are interested to know more, you can PM me

I have been following your thread and blog on teaching English and Chinese, and have learnt a lot from you. Just hoping to share some info which I think may be of benefit.