Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave?
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jedamum:
My neighbour's 4 year old boy was also thrown out of the house once. I heard him screaming frantically to be let in. I felt quite disturbed by this, I can sense the desperation and fear in his voice. He may grow up to become very a very insecure person.
my ex-neighbour used to do that to their toddler.noobparent:
Yeah, I hit her open palm with the cane.
But I have found an even better punishment. I throw her out of the house and close the gate.
She's 4+.
doesn't it implied that the parents love the kid lesser because of misbehaviour? i thought parents should create a secure environment for their children.
Some parents may think that kids do not remember what happened to them when they were very young. But I do remember a lot things when I was young. So whatever I do to my kids, I will think about how they will feel when they remember it as an adult. Whenever my hubby scolds my boy too harshly, I will tell him, when the boy grows up, you may never see him again.
This is what happened to my uncle who used to cane his son. His only son is now working in Australia and never return to see him. -
ksi:
:goodpost: LOVE the 8 tips..Before I had a child, I thought there was no need to use a cane, civil talk would be enough.
After I had a child, I realised I was overly idealistic because talk would never be enough for a child.
There seems to be some innate traits in kids that they hear but cannot remember or remember but cannot hear.
Also Mr Cane or Mrs Cane you call it has to be used at some point in their lives.
The good news is it won't be used forever if you use it right. If you do not know how to use it right, then better don't use lest you abuse.
What is \"use it right\"?
Do's and Don'ts of Caning
1. Use it to correct behaviours not for lack of performance
2. Use it to discipline not out of self-anger due to a bad day at work
3. Use it sparingly not regularly as in anything, conditioning kicks in
4. Use only a few firm strokes to serve the warning, not several strokes to leave ugly scars or marks
5. Use it in the absence of any other adults against it or you will be wrongly prohibited and undermined.
6. Use it in complementary with words of wisdom and not solely as a physical punishment and stop there
7. Use it to ensure your message is put across effectively, not when it is not effective
8. Use it firmly to drive your message across and not soften down to marshmellow after a while. If that is the case, don't bother to engage Mr or Mrs Cane, counterproductive and cause unnecessary hurt.
Hope my 8 tips help.
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my turn to share...
i believe in caning as well...now is + the 8 tips... :thankyou:
for the first time i caned her arm, left a mark for a while, she cried and then retorted. not pain one. :mad: :stupid: how you feel?
then the 2nd time was her butt but that has diapers. but this time round she tried to escape.
all for bad behaviour.
i also used naughty corner, removing of privileges. but come to think of it, the latter is some sort of threaten or blackmail, isnt it? anyway, my DD sometimes listen and sometimes not.
so still working on it and hope the 8 tips can help me improve the situation. -
my boy is different. tho he scared of cane, he still does the thing i dislike, after being caned…i guess boys are more rebellious
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with the kids nowadays, caning only makes them more rebellious. what i would suggest is more practical methods of punishing them. like reducing their allowance or grounding them. talk to them and advise but do not nag at them. at their age, anything that appeals to them as nag falls on dead ears. hope that helps.
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I think the question for me is whether am I disciplining or
Am I punishing. What appears to be the same really isn’t. -
agree with the 8 tips and we can our 18months daughter when she misbehaves too or when she does dangerous acts like touching the fan, etc.
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Yes, i cane my 2 daughters when they really drive me up the wall…but each time after using the cane, i would feel very very guilty that i am not a good father…each time i remind myself i should be more patience, patience…i am still improving on this.
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Happyfate:
Yes, i cane my 2 daughters when they really drive me up the wall...but each time after using the cane, i would feel very very guilty that i am not a good father...each time i remind myself i should be more patience, patience...i am still improving on this.
When i got so angry and wanna cane my boy when he's naughty. i couldnt bear to do so as caning him will make me feel that im a failure mother. didnt give him a complete family... -
Yes.
imho: we as parents should use the cane.
But the cane is a double edge sword. It can work in your favour if used correctly … or it can cause distance and rebellion.
My daughter is only 2 yrs old, but we use the cane.
We make sure we are not canning her out of frustration or anger. Rather it is a painful lesson, that we hope she will learn from.
no point using the cane if it is not painful, yet it is even worse when you are angry and hit the child recklessly.
If it is not painful, no lesson learnt. If hit receklessly, lesson learnt is parent has gone mad …
Cane with objective and an explanation, but all we can do is hope they understand it is for their own good. In fact … it hurts us more than her …
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