Pei Hwa Presbyterian Primary
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from news: ‘Tiger’ parenting not for S’poreans
THE tough, no-nonsense "Chinese" parenting style promoted by Yale Law School professor Amy Chua in her controversial memoir has sparked debate about the virtues of Asian parenting in the United States in the past week.
However, all Singapore parents my paper spoke to say Prof Chua’s authoritarian way of discipline does not represent their parental methods. A street poll conducted by my paper in Orchard Road found that all of the 25 parents surveyed, who are aged between 24 and 54, disagreed with her methods.
For lawyer Terence Yeo, 35, a father of a four-year-old son called Jonavon, Prof Chua’s model is "too harsh and rigid and didn’t leave room for flexibility".
"Parenting requires a little bit of discretion, depending on the situation," he said. Still, he thinks that the liberal Western parenting model does mollycoddle the children and could lead to "ill-bred adults". Mr Yeo and his wife Michele Lee, a 36-year-old head of operations in a talent- and financial-management company, believe that "if you spare the rod you’ll spoil the child, but caning is not our first resort".
"We try to speak to our son first and explain why he should do certain things," he said, adding that even if they do discipline, they affirm and let him know that they love him.
Part-time tutor Katherine Hor, 36, said that she was "a product of harsh parenting" and decided that she won’t practise it on her two children, aged four and seven. Recalling her own childhood, she said that her mother used to whip her with clothes hangers when she could not meet her expectations. "My mum was called up by my principal once because I went to school with cane marks on my face. Because of their parenting style, my brother and I were very rebellious and hated our parents."
With her kids, Ms Hor said she sets clear boundaries and will withdraw privileges such as not allowing them to go for the next family outing if they misbehave. Conversely, she is generous with praise when they are obedient; and encouraging when they need assurance.
She feels that today’s parents must focus on children’s self-esteem and character development rather than just making sure they excel academically.
Polytechnic student Ernest Chin, 23, is another Singaporean who knows what unyielding parenting is like. His father imposed strict curfews on him even when he was in junior college. He must be home by 5pm every day, and, if he was late without a valid reason, his dad would order him to get out of the house.
Every Sunday, when he was in primary and secondary school, his father would force him to wake up at 6am to go for a 5km jog. If he didn’t get up, he would be caned, he said. And his dad never tried to understand him or talk sense with him, said Mr Chin, who is estranged from his father.
"He always said to me: ‘When I say one it means one. You don’t question my authority. I am the breadwinner of the family and it’s for your own good’," he said.
He added that the curfew rules also apply to his younger sister, 21, a pharmacist, who "stays home most of the time and doesn’t have many friends". He feels his father does not love him, and "treats me like a subordinate instead".
Dr Adrian Wang, a consultant psychiatrist at the Gleneagles Medical Centre, said harsh parenting can be harmful if the child already has low self-esteem. "Constant hammering and telling them they are not good enough can worsen anxiety and make them even more insecure," he said.
Strict parenting and having high standards for your child need to be balanced with love and nurturing, he said.
Mr Nicholas Gabriel Lim, executive director of psychological-services provider iGrow, said regimental parenting might lead to children either becoming very submissive or overly rebellious. "There is a lot of hurt, resentment and anger within these children, and which they may or may not understand or express appropriately," he said.
Parenting is about preparing the children for the future, where they can be independent people and care for themselves, said Dr Carol Balhetchet, director of youth services at Singapore Children’s Society. But children taught to follow authority blindly will not be able to develop their own personality, ideas, and individual wishes and needs, she said. "Most children want to please their parents and not upset them. So it’s sad when parents abuse their position of power to bully their child into obedience," she noted. -
janet_lee88:
You all very mean hor ..... :nailbite:
Yup...just started P1. When he has to start revising CA and SAs, he will DEFINITELY want holidays firstly and his son to become an adult asap.Trapwithin:
Markfch's ds just started P1 ..... hee hee after all the SA's .. he also want to child to grow up faster ..
-
markfch:
You all very mean hor ..... :nailbite:[/quote]the truth is grim
Yup...just started P1. When he has to start revising CA and SAs, he will DEFINITELY want holidays firstly and his son to become an adult asap.janet_lee88:
[quote=\"Trapwithin\"]
Markfch's ds just started P1 ..... hee hee after all the SA's .. he also want to child to grow up faster .. -
JRLam:
Yes, To Allow them Time to Revise ....Hi,
May I know if the supplementary classes will stop at least 1 week prior to CA1/SA1/SA2? Just like those CCAs?
Thanks! -
Trapwithin:
Yeah, I Cherish ALL the Times My Gal Still Holding My Hands When We R Out, Even Though she's in P6 Now ....janet_lee88:
Now that I walk my son to school, he holds my hand and I hold it tight.
Enjoy it. Many times I have thought about this ... when will my dd think that holding daddy and mummy's hands is not that \"cool\". So I hold her tiny little hands whnever I have a chance.
My Boys Have Outgrown
this At a Very Early Stage, \" Not Cool To Been Seen Holding Mummy's Hands -la!\"
Or IS It a Case of Gals R Closer to Mummy than Boys?
:celebrate: :celebrate: :celebrate: :celebrate: -
Funx3:
Yeah, I Cherish ALL the Times My Gal Still Holding My Hands When We R Out, Even Though she's in P6 Now ....Trapwithin:
[quote=\"janet_lee88\"]Now that I walk my son to school, he holds my hand and I hold it tight.
Enjoy it. Many times I have thought about this ... when will my dd think that holding daddy and mummy's hands is not that \"cool\". So I hold her tiny little hands whnever I have a chance.
My Boys Have Outgrown this At a Very Early Stage, \" Not Cool To Been Seen Holding Mummy's Hands -la!\"
Or IS It a Case of Gals R Closer to Mummy than Boys?
:celebrate: :celebrate: :celebrate: :celebrate:[/quote]no leh, my boy in sec one now still holds daddy AND mommy's hand with him in the centre....hahaha, and he is not shy to hug us in public, eg when he came back from overseas and we waited for him at airport -
markfch:
You all very mean hor ..... :nailbite:[/quote]OR Trying to B \"OVER-ly\" HELP-ful !!!!
Yup...just started P1. When he has to start revising CA and SAs, he will DEFINITELY want holidays firstly and his son to become an adult asap.janet_lee88:
[quote=\"Trapwithin\"]
Markfch's ds just started P1 ..... hee hee after all the SA's .. he also want to child to grow up faster ..
Ha Ha ....
See, Mark, I Did Not Poke FUN at U this Time ....
But Errrr .... May B Just Rub A Teeny Weeny Bit Of Salt In ....
Hee - Hee ...
-
verykiasu2010:
Oh U Must Have Quite a Western Culture in Your Family ....
no leh, my boy in sec one now still holds daddy AND mommy's hand with him in the centre....hahaha, and he is not shy to hug us in public, eg when he came back from overseas and we waited for him at airportFunx3:
Yeah, I Cherish ALL the Times My Gal Still Holding My Hands When We R Out, Even Though she's in P6 Now ....
My Boys Have Outgrown this At a Very Early Stage, \" Not Cool To Been Seen Holding Mummy's Hands -la!\"
Or IS It a Case of Gals R Closer to Mummy than Boys?
:celebrate: :celebrate: :celebrate: :celebrate:
Hug in Public .... All my Kids Will Not B Able to Do That ....
We Must B Very 'CHeeeeee - Naaaaaa\" -la!
Ha Ha ....
:lol: :lol: -
Funx3:
Oh U Must Have Quite a Western Culture in Your Family ....
no leh, my boy in sec one now still holds daddy AND mommy's hand with him in the centre....hahaha, and he is not shy to hug us in public, eg when he came back from overseas and we waited for him at airportverykiasu2010:
[quote=\"Funx3\"]
Yeah, I Cherish ALL the Times My Gal Still Holding My Hands When We R Out, Even Though she's in P6 Now ....
My Boys Have Outgrown this At a Very Early Stage, \" Not Cool To Been Seen Holding Mummy's Hands -la!\"
Or IS It a Case of Gals R Closer to Mummy than Boys?
:celebrate: :celebrate: :celebrate: :celebrate:
Hug in Public .... All my Kids Will Not B Able to Do That ....
We Must B Very 'CHeeeeee - Naaaaaa\" -la!
Ha Ha ....
:lol: :lol:[/quote]no lah, we are very very cheeee naaaaaaa, like my girl in sec 4 is not like her brother ...... lol...nothing encouraged / discouraged -
verykiasu2010:
Oh So It's a Case of Different Characters for the Kids Then ....
no lah, we are very very cheeee naaaaaaa, like my girl in sec 4 is not like her brother ...... lol...nothing encouraged / discouragedFunx3:
Oh U Must Have Quite a Western Culture in Your Family ....
Hug in Public .... All my Kids Will Not B Able to Do That ....
We Must B Very 'CHeeeeee - Naaaaaa\" -la!
Ha Ha ....
:lol: :lol:
Even Though ALL Come from Same Factory,
But Different Production Batch - lor!
Ha Ha ....
:lol: :lol:
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