Asian Mums are more SUPERIOR?

[kohhweelin.010441gmail.010441com]

Lock:

I read with great interests on the debate on the 'Tiger Mother'. I feel that the critics are too hard on her. Is it fair to judge and criticise her based on a few excerpts quoted from her book? Even if you have read the whole book, you will still not get the full picture on her family life and her r/s with her daughters.

You are right. After reading Amy Chua's article last Sat, my 9yo dd told me that I am somewhat like the \"Tiger Mother\" but less aggressive. She read yesterday's review and relented. I told my dd not to judge me or even Amy Chua. Everyone has their own parenting style. So far, our relationship is close and we share openly with each other our thoughts and feelings. Our favourite time is to snuggle up together on her bed before bedtime to do our devotion. At the end of the day, no matter what happens, all is forgiven, we bring the day to a harmonious closure.
[quote]And it didnt help that my children were quietly sitting at the table having dinner with us, all well behaved and well mannered. (I dun allow kids to run around in the restaurant while dining and they have been trained how to behave during sit down dinners, esp with adults around)

I said my children were well behaved and well mannered but A saw my children as being cowered into submission and traumatised by my discipline method. What she saw was 2 traumatised kids who dare not run about in the restaurant or talk at the top of their voices and interrupt the adults' conversations. What A didnt see was how spritely and active my children are at the parks and playgrounds, how chatty they are when I pick them up from school, how they hug me every morning when they wake up and every night before they sleep. How they never fail to make me cards during special occasions and sometimes w/o any special occasion and how my son is now learning to make coffee for me every morning.

So, you see, A left the dinner thinking I am the worst mother and probably shared her critique with many of her other friends. But her opinion on me is just 1/10 of who I really am as a mother. So, let's not be too harsh or quick to pass judgement on a mother who obviously loves her daughters enough to want them to become better and successful persons.[/quote]Thanks for your sharing. I agree with your disciplinary method. Whenever we have meals as a family in a restaurant, I make sure my girls know their etiquette. However, I struggled when we are out with friends with kids during mealtimes. I hate to see my kids running around (usually outside the restaurant, within sight) with my friends' kids. These are kids they meet weekly after church services so they sort of grew up together. I used to stop my own kids from doing so but ended up conforming because their parents saw me as a stick in the mud, inability of having fun etc. I didn't want to argue my point and spoil others' appetites. Once, I saw my girl performing an unladylike act, because she followed one of the older girls. I reprimanded my dd there and then in front of the other kids, hoping that I'll get my message across to the other kids too. I can't offend my friends for scolding their children directly. One of my friend's daughters realised her mistake and apologised because she was the one who led her to the disgraceful act. Since then, no more of such nonsense but I also lost my popularity. Parenting is a hardwork but sometimes, we have to learn to apply different styles creatively. In this case, it was not something pleasant but at least it worked.

[Chenonceau]

Sorry… double posting…

[Trapwithin]

sleepy:

phankao:

[quote=\"sleepy\"]

I second (or third?) that. Mine also a nafa drop out :celebrate:

And is she doing her dip at 10 or 11 too? :lol:

Seconding the part in red la :lol:

As to doing dip at 10 or 11, hopefully got chance :xedfingers:[/quote]I heard that NAFA is more focus on \"Concert Performance\". Alternatively, we can look for a NAFA teacher to teach at their private time rather than with NAFA. Then you still get the right technique but minus the pressure from NAFA.

[Chenonceau]

I read the book. I laughed and cried.


Here is what I think...
http://petunialee.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-thoughts-on-amy-chua-tiger-mother.html

[toddles]

csc:

[/b]


Well said, Lock. You are your children's mother. There is no need to compare parenting methods. What works in one family may not work in others. It is just that dynamic.

For me, devoting as much time to my elderly parents is just as important. There are so many other areas I need to be involved in so I can't possibly be revolving my life only around my children.

Some mums are indeed extraordinary :lol: . I salute them.

I am proud to be an ordinary mum and contented to hear these words uttered each school day. \"Mum, I am home!\"

Yes that is true. The look and smile on my daughter's face every time she sees me, even after a brief separation is enough to tell me that I must be doing something right (okay she's not in pri sch yet so all that might soon change).

We need not be beholden to anyone in the way we bring up our kids (unless it borders on criminal behaviour la) and each parent has their own beliefs, values and convictions to impart and guide their own parenting journey - there is no one right way for all.

[toddles]

E3:

Thanks for your sharing. I agree with your disciplinary method. Whenever we have meals as a family in a restaurant, I make sure my girls know their etiquette. However, I struggled when we are out with friends with kids during mealtimes. I hate to see my kids running around (usually outside the restaurant, within sight) with my friends' kids. These are kids they meet weekly after church services so they sort of grew up together. I used to stop my own kids from doing so but ended up conforming because their parents saw me as a stick in the mud, inability of having fun etc. I didn't want to argue my point and spoil others' appetites. Once, I saw my girl performing an unladylike act, because she followed one of the older girls. I reprimanded my dd there and then in front of the other kids, hoping that I'll get my message across to the other kids too. I can't offend my friends for scolding their children directly. One of my friend's daughters realised her mistake and apologised because she was the one who led her to the disgraceful act. Since then, no more of such nonsense but I also lost my popularity. Parenting is a hardwork but sometimes, we have to learn to apply different styles creatively. In this case, it was not something pleasant but at least it worked.

I guess it also depends on the severity of the situation.

Some parents are complete pushovers and their kids need to be taught a lesson. If I am close enough to the parent, and witness unacceptable behaviour (e.g. hitting a parent without remorse and the parent is embarassed but has no clue how to discipline the child) I will try to summon up enough courage as my friend did, to speak very sternly to the child and say in my home (if it's my home) hitting is a time-out offence and off to the time out corner you go.

[Lock]

Chenonceau:

I read the book. I laughed and cried.


Here is what I think...
http://petunialee.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-thoughts-on-amy-chua-tiger-mother.html

That's a great blogpost.

[csc]

Just sharing a quotation I read and a reminder for us.


\"It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated.\" - Alec Bourne

I still think it is easier to reiterate facts from a Textbook than to engage intelligently and meaningfully in a conversation with someone. And it is not merely for social purpose.

[kohhweelin.010441gmail.010441com]

toddles:

I guess it also depends on the severity of the situation.

Some parents are complete pushovers and their kids need to be taught a lesson. If I am close enough to the parent, and witness unacceptable behaviour (e.g. hitting a parent without remorse and the parent is embarassed but has no clue how to discipline the child) I will try to summon up enough courage as my friend did, to speak very sternly to the child and say in my home (if it's my home) hitting is a time-out offence and off to the time out corner you go.

My friends' kids are all girls so they are not so violent or rude. However, I will mention to their mothers if I saw any inappropriate behaviour. One mother is \"Western\" mother so you know the rest lah...Oops. Counselling, mollycoddling and all...but for years, she faces the same problem with her daughter's social relationship issues and she will find excuses for her.

[kohhweelin.010441gmail.010441com]

Lock:

Chenonceau:

I read the book. I laughed and cried.


Here is what I think...
http://petunialee.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-thoughts-on-amy-chua-tiger-mother.html

That's a great blogpost.

Thanks for your inpiring post, Chenonceau. I've just ordered the book. Hope to read it soon. So exciting.