How do you maintain your relationship with your spouse?
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[quote]If you read about Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, there might be a chapter that is relevant on why your hubby doesn't like to talk? This theory comes from the stone-age days where men hunt and women take care of the children/household. And men after a day's hunt, comes back cave (home) and fire-gaze (now more modern, called watch TV/newspaper) as a form of de-stress for them. Men while fire-gazing DO NOT like to be spoken to. If you notice, you might find it very common for men to just sit down and stare/flick on the remote controls. It's their way of communication and by leaving each-other alone, it's a respect of privacy. In another chapter, it also states that all men and women have a x number of words per day. And men usually talk alot lesser, bec their 'words-per-day' limit is many times lower than women.[/quote]
Ohhhh noooo...... Am I the man & dh a woman? :?
After a hard day at work, I'm very quiet once I reach home. I'm usually planning what I will be doing for the remaining hours, prioritize, doing house chore or looking through kids work. But the two males in my life, will happily non-stop chat chat chat chat chat, asking for my attention & response :faint: Once they finished yakking, dh don't stare at tv nor game but at the computer, chat again with his reefing friends or browse pc like me.
[quote]3) lover:
a) maintain your immaculate image( men are visual creatures)
b) dress up like a siren in the bedroom or on hot dates with him
c) fufill his sexual fantasies
d) be notty( send him dirty sms when he's working etc) [/quote]Often enough, burden with so much responsibilities, women at home generally dont care about their appearance. I make it a point to ensure that I take another round of bath after I clean up the house or finish cooking. Looking good does not mean just during bed time or when going out but at all times. Doesn't take long to put on coloured lip balm, scented body cream and loose powder to wipe out the shiny face.
Unruly hair, get it cut short and neat, straight perm them or tie a pony tail.
Having to understand each other hobby or take up the same hobby is another plus point. Used to be galivanting around Singapore to find the fishes or corals for our reef tank. Extra time, will be spent on researching together and discussing on what has been researched. With the tank gone, our interest now is to re-set the home entertainment room & finding nice places to drive to M'sia. -
I am not sure whether this topic should be discussed here but,
I am just wondering whether there is a difference in the way MEN
and WOMEN deal with family disputes or arguments.
Maybe some of you might wanna share your experience in
overcoming the barriers in \"dispute resolution\" for the rest to
learn from your experience.
Most of you probably have read the KS love story between me
& buds and should know that the both of us deal with\"IT\" differently.
I was wondering whether the other couples here in this forum deal
with it the same way as we do. :celebrate:
I was wondering whether anyone else shares my view ie:
To settle it as soon as possible and not to drag the matter any further.
OR
You would prefer to adopt the cold shoulder approach & sulk. (aka buds)
Is it always the MEN who gives in eventually and surrenders due to the silent treatment or has anyone else experienced something different?
Pls air out your views and let it all out yeah!!
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buds hubs:
buds hubs,
I was wondering whether anyone else shares my view ie:
To settle it as soon as possible and not to drag the matter any further.
OR
You would prefer to adopt the cold shoulder approach & sulk. (aka buds)
which one is worse? couples who both adopt cold shoulder or only one of whom adopts cold shoulder? if the glass is not full, view it as half full than half empty.
For me, it is the reverse. I seldom gives my husband the cold shoulder - maybe only once or twice in our 8yrs of marriage - that lasted like...2 days??. To me, so long the matter is resolved, it doesn't matter who takes the initiative (to apologise).buds hubs:
My MCP man is one who doesn't gives in. I guess that is why the 'rooster'-pecked wife (aka me :oops:) complements him well.Is it always the MEN who gives in eventually and surrenders due to the silent treatment or has anyone else experienced something different?
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jedamum:
haha jedamum, I'm in the same situation as you... my hubby is the MCP, whereas I'm the xiao3 nu3 ren2 who'll usually gives in to him... Unfortunately, both of us sulk big time. But fortunately, it only lasts 1 night. As long as we talk it out and reach a compromise, I can cast aside my pride and take the intiative to break the ice first...
buds hubs,buds hubs:
I was wondering whether anyone else shares my view ie:
To settle it as soon as possible and not to drag the matter any further.
OR
You would prefer to adopt the cold shoulder approach & sulk. (aka buds)
which one is worse? couples who both adopt cold shoulder or only one of whom adopts cold shoulder? if the glass is not full, view it as half full than half empty.
For me, it is the reverse. I seldom gives my husband the cold shoulder - maybe only once or twice in our 8yrs of marriage - that lasted like...2 days??. To me, so long the matter is resolved, it doesn't matter who takes the initiative (to apologise).buds hubs:
My MCP man is one who doesn't gives in. I guess that is why the 'rooster'-pecked wife (aka me :oops:) complements him well.Is it always the MEN who gives in eventually and surrenders due to the silent treatment or has anyone else experienced something different?
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PlayfulFairy:
I can cast aside my pride and take the intiative to break the ice first...
ya...and from what i read in another http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3578&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=15, i bet 'breaking the ice part' is easy for you. :evil:
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jedamum:
hmm but sometime I wish he has the patience to cajole me leh rather than me taking the initiative first... haha but my philosophy is \"if you don't come over, I'll go over\". I can't stand waiting for things to happen :lol:PlayfulFairy:
I can cast aside my pride and take the intiative to break the ice first...
ya...and from what i read in another http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3578&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=15, i bet 'breaking the ice part' is easy for you. :evil:
After all, it takes more than just fate to be husband and wife, so why waste time abandoning each other in the cold palace...
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PlayfulFairy:
hmm but sometime I wish he has the patience to cajole me leh rather than me taking the initiative first... haha but my philosophy is \"if you don't come over, I'll go over\". I can't stand waiting for things to happen :lol:jedamum:
[quote=\"PlayfulFairy\"] I can cast aside my pride and take the intiative to break the ice first...
ya...and from what i read in another http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3578&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=15, i bet 'breaking the ice part' is easy for you. :evil:
After all, it takes more than just fate to be husband and wife, so why waste time abandoning each other in the cold palace... :P[/quote]We take turns giving cold shoulders, and are equally good at it. However, it is I who usually caves in and initiates a reconciliation. I guess as a man its up to us to be da4 fang1 in such matters. I also feel, especially after this last episode, is that our time together on earth is not infinite. An hour lost to feuding is a hour less we can spend enjoying each other's company... -
buds hubs:
Regardless of who is at fault (usually it's me with the short-circuit lar), I'll initiate the reconciliation. He likes to give cold shoulders (cool-off period, he says) when he feels that he's not at fault and simply will not relent. I will go to him, become very emotional and he will usually give in and talk to me again. After few exchange, he usually apologises for losing his cool too. Hehe... I'll then talk about the portion which I felt he was at fault, get into some argument again (but at least we are on 'talking' mode), then finally reach a compromise. We make sure that there is no miscommunication between us. That's why our argument is usually less than 2 hours. It's usually rather short.I was wondering whether anyone else shares my view ie:
To settle it as soon as possible and not to drag the matter any further.
OR
You would prefer to adopt the cold shoulder approach & sulk. (aka buds)
Most importantly, at the end of an argument, he will know why I'm angry, what I'm angry with, what I need, and vice versa.
Actually cold shoulders and side-stepping a problem is not a good way to 'resolve' a conflict. Couples are considered to be side-stepping a problem by avoiding talking about the problem. In the end, there will be more and more 'creases' in your feelings (that requires ironing out), more misunderstandings (the you-think-I-know, but-actually-you-don't-know situations).
For 'cold-shoulder treatments', usually as time goes by, such cold shoulders will not have much effect of the other spouse. It becomes a part and parcel of an argument. When the REAL problem comes, then it's the perfect formula for marital disaster.
Forgot which marriage book I read from, but they advocate solving the conflict in the shortest period time too instead of letting everyone cool off and think that a problem is resolved.buds hubs:
Aiya, obviously from your case with buds, buds gave in what... If not wouldn't be happily married right? Jedamum too, and now me too. So that's 3 ladies against 2 men (yourself and 3boys).Is it always the MEN who gives in eventually and surrenders due to the silent treatment or has anyone else experienced something different?
JMHO -
jedamum:
which one is worse? couples who both adopt cold shoulder or only one of whom adopts cold shoulder? .
I guess if both parties adopt the cold shoulder, then its probably gonna be pretty bad... I agree with you that we should probably look at the positive side of the situation ..So, I think that it would still be OK if ONLY one of them adopts the cold shoulder.
NEXT agenda would be who is more likely to give the cold shoulder \"MEN\" or \"WOMEN\"jedamum:
Kudos to you jedamum... If you are a rooster pecked wife, then I suppose that you must be a RARE BREED...:udawoman:For me, it is the reverse. I seldom gives my husband the cold shoulder - maybe only once or twice in our 8yrs of marriage - that lasted like...2 days??. To me, so long the matter is resolved, it doesn't matter who takes the initiative (to apologise).
My MCP man is one who doesn't gives in. I guess that is why the 'rooster'-pecked wife (aka me :oops:) complements him well. -
PlayfulFairy:
After all, it takes more than just fate to be husband and wife, so why waste time abandoning each other in the cold palace...
Hahaha... My sentiments exactly..I like your statement...
I feel exactly the same way. There are so many other better things to do than sulk.. :roll:
Thats why I dont like to waste time sulking about it but rather concentrate on talking it out & finding a solution... :celebrate:
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