How to tell if a child is gifted?

[autumnbronze]

jtoh:

I really enjoyed reading your posts, 2ppamm and Chenonceau. Thanks for sharing.

Ditto :hi5:

[Chenonceau]

jtoh:

I really enjoyed reading your posts, 2ppamm and Chenonceau. Thanks for sharing.

jtoh & autumnbronze... Thanks for being so friendly and encouraging. It really makes me feel very much at home. Little Boy is very much like me, you see... not too good with people so I am always very glad when people are friendly and warm.

Actually since we gave birth to our children, there are many aspects of our children that resemble us. If we can accept ourselves for who we are without judging or unduly jubilating, then it gives us the objectivity to think through and plan how we can enhance the strengths of our children, and shore up their weaknesses. I see so many of my own weaknesses in my children. Some in The Daughter, others in Little Boy... and I am aware of how they will suffer in adulthood if I don't help them. To help them, I just ask myself how I could have been helped.

I know I would have benefited if someone had consciously taught me socio-emotional cues.

In contrast to The Daughter, Little Boy had to deal with 2 bullies in his short school career. They were difficult periods but I made sure I asked one question when I saw Little Boy after school \"What did the bully do today?\" This gave him a chance to present the various scenarios, and we talked through them. Little Boy grasps social situations through his logical mind. His socio-emotional comprehension proceeds through cognitive and not emotional pathways. We talk a lot about social situations but somehow, he can sort out Science notions without any input from me. I only went to school to personally remove the bully (by complaining to 3 Teachers and kicking up a fuss) when I had assessed that Little Boy had learnt enough techniques and strategies to handle bullies. It seems cruel but he needed to learn because there are bullies everywhere, even when we become adults.

The Daughter instinctively knew what to do. Little Boy needed to be taught. I wish someone had taught me too because it is tough to have to learn by yourself in vivo.

[2ppaamm]

Chenonceau:

It is commonly accepted that children will learn social skills in school. Maybe a normal child with average intelligence in every area of intelligence can do that (even then, looking at the behavior of children who go to full day childcare, I wonder) but if your child needs to be taught the ABCs of emotion recognition so that he feels comfortable to look at people's faces when he talks to them, then he needs that from you BEFORE he goes into preschool because in preschool, it is assumed that you already know, and if you don't, you will be bullied.

The thing is, whatever giftedness a child possesses, there are likely to be areas of need that need to be shored up so that they can function effectively when they reach adulthood. Left to his own devices in preschool, he will be traumatised, I think.

There is so much wisdom in this, because I experienced this myself. My son learnt zero social skills from school, simply because he is not ready to learn at the level the school is pitching social skills at, whether from students or teachers or by observation. He needs people to spell out the ABCs of social rules to him. The school cannot accept why a bright kid like him needs that support.

And I do agree that if we do not do enough at home to prepare the kid, he will be traumatized. I'm sure my son was and is, and that's why we are nursing a child with massive anxiety issues despite his high IQ.

While sometimes, we hope schools will teach social skills to kids who are not NT like they would teach ABCs to non-gifted kids, this is not something the schools can imagine they have to do. Not for a long, long shot.

[Chenonceau]

2ppaamm:

I'm sure my son was and is, and that's why we are nursing a child with massive anxiety issues despite his high IQ.


While sometimes, we hope schools will teach social skills to kids who are not NT like they would teach ABCs to non-gifted kids, this is not something the schools can imagine they have to do. Not for a long, long shot.

Oh dear... Poor boy!! However, happily, it isn't too difficult to help him (even at 16), I think (?). I work with many high tech organisations. Engineers tend to possess well developed skills in logical reasoning and have less exposure to social development. Many engineers stress out when they are promoted to higher echelons because they have to resolve people problems. There are of course those with strong people skills, but every once in a while, you have an EXCELLENT engineer whom the company really values and WANTS to promote (but unfortunately the engineer is scared of people problems). Such excellence comes along with high IQ.

The moment I get such people to understand that facial expressions are data and information that can be captured, categorized, analyzed and concluded upon, the scales drop from their eyes. They consciously force themselves to see and capture such data. Once they learn to capture the data, their powerful logical reasoning takes over, and they improve in leaps and bounds. The anxiety goes away with increased mastery of this domain. A high IQ person can do wonders when you feed info through his cognitive pathways. And most do this in vivo, without help, because they are adults and no longer can ask their parents to sit down with them with a book to point out sad, angry faces. They consciously look, classify and organize emotional info, and things get better after a while.

It is a glaring omission of the GEP that emotion processing via logical pathways is not taught.

[phankao]

mosster:

phankao
Thanks for the suggestion. I have not checked out Montessori programmes so far as DS1 is not really a sensorial learner plus the Montessori schools in my area are so “hot” that I didn’t bother with the queues. How do these Montessori workgroups work? I’ll check them out on the net. )

Most montessori would have multi-age workgroups. So the children work at their own individual pace. My son is younger than yours. He is 2yo. He can read both English & Chinese fairly well now, vocabulary is around Pri 2 standard at the least. He can handle simple math and good memory. What's lacking now is his motor skills development. I'm not sure how it will work out in his preschool, but I've seen how the Directoress guides and how the children of different ages progress fairly quickly at their own levels and how they help each other along. Amazingly, the Directoress is a great multi-tasker. He's only started out one month, most of it was an adjustment, really - to starting \"school\". But I'm enjoying the 3hours free from him!!!!!!! haha. He enjoys going now and he quickly built trust in the teachers there. And the place is certainly not run on a cookie-cutter programme, that's all I can say!

[Sun_2010]

2ppamm , Chenonceau


Thanks you for the insights you provide thru ur sharings .
They really set me thinking and working out what would be workable for my kids and me.

2ppaamm, with 5 kids and each one you have challenged towards reaching their potential , that too often on a less travelled path :salute:

Chenonceau:

The Daughter instinctively knew what to do. Little Boy needed to be taught. I wish someone had taught me too because it is tough to have to learn by yourself in vivo.

And not sure i have learnt it right yet. And when it comes to people problem, i do the ostrich even to date, sigh! :roll:

Ur insights have really helped me in understanding my pschy - that is ofcourse the first step.

[2ppaamm]

Chenonceau:

The moment I get such people to understand that facial expressions are data and information that can be captured, categorized, analyzed and concluded upon, the scales drop from their eyes. They consciously force themselves to see and capture such data. Once they learn to capture the data, their powerful logical reasoning takes over, and they improve in leaps and bounds. The anxiety goes away with increased mastery of this domain. A high IQ person can do wonders when you feed info through his cognitive pathways. And most do this in vivo, without help, because they are adults and no longer can ask their parents to sit down with them with a book to point out sad, angry faces. They consciously look, classify and organize emotional info, and things get better after a while.

It is a glaring omission of the GEP that emotion processing via logical pathways is not taught.

My son is only P5. The older one has no problem socially.

This is interesting: to turn people emotions and choosing the right responses into data and processing this accordingly. Never thought of it this way, and no one taught me this either. It has always been, you go through that experience, make some responses, if right, do it again. If wrong, try something else. And, to learn from others. If you like a response someone gave you in this situation, use it the same way in future.

I'm going to try this. Actually, I have bought all the books I can find (perhaps 10 to 12) on reading expressions. Reading expression is not the problem, to choose the right response is. Also, to know when that person is pushing him against the wall (teachers always do that), and to teach him how and when to back off immediately and not get into the situation that will get him into trouble. For a child like him, right is right and wrong is wrong. He will try to right everything, just wondering how to teach him to accept that even when he is right, teacher can also be right, and allow the teacher to be more right, even though he knows he is more right. Complex for me as well. RESPECT is not good enough. Respect does not mean you are right all the time.

Teachers don't help either. They MUST ALWAYS BE RIGHT... part of the problem. In this house, both daddy and I can be wrong and we readily admit it. We believe to bravely admit our own mistake is a way to earn respect.

[pingsped]

mosster:

my 3 year old son. I have been so stressed and feeling so alone wondering what is the best thing to do for my son - homeschool? start nursery?


DS1 is bright, funny and sweet, but his social skills are really behind.
My hubby and I have been thinking that perhaps sending him to a nursery would make him more independent and learn more social skills.

Am I overprotective? should I let him go to nursery, knowing he'll be kicking his heels and crying all the way? I want him to be able to learn all he can learn, all he wants to learn, but I do so want him to make friends.

It's good to worry but you may be worrying too much.

Parents experience separation anxiety too. The usu advice for parents of clingy kids is to make sure you don't exhibit any sign of anxiety, both non-verbal and verbal, when sending your child to school.

Smart kids r very different from average kids. Their anxiety tends to stem from slower socio-emotional development, relative to cognitive development.

I guess if he's not ready, you can try out some parent-accompanied programmes if you prefer an \"easier\" approach. Someone recommended playdates.

My girl is bright (not gifted) and fun-loving. Her social skills are very good. She's almost 22 mth, & not reading yet.

I wanted her to spend her toddlerhood (0-2 yr) in a care-free manner. So I didn't focus on ABCs & stuff.

We do a lot of silly toddler things. We enjoy making faces. I'm a very good dramatic story teller. I also exposed her to different social environments when she turned one eg sunday school/church, playgroup, arranging playdates & outings. One of her playmates is an older boy with mild autism.

She speaks well enough and plays with older children. Otherwise, she'll observe a while and join in when she's comfortable. She connects well with verbal kids and most aunties. She has a unusual sense of humour. She can also handle simple bullying & turn-taking. When she turned 18 mth, I instruct my helper not to intervene in church & cousins' place unless the other child is much larger and physically aggressive. When she is upset, I label her emotions and the causes immediately. She recognises certain para-linguistic cues such as undertone.

My point is many parents do a lot of brain stimulation and teaching for many reasons (age gap, personality, parenting books/pressure, etc). They don't really know how to play silly games which are sometimes necessary for good social-emotional development.

I feel some children lose out on reading faces if they were primed to decode/read in early years.

As I'm in special edn, I see many kids who have adjustment difficulties. I chose to focus on socio-emotional development fr 1-2 yrs. I'll work on other areas after she turns 2 years old. I'm also slightly concerned that she'll be bored in preschool if we start cerebral stuff too early.

I'm of the view that smart kids will remain smart; they need to work on regulating behv and improving social skills from young.

To prevent her from becoming self-absorbed,
a) I try to make sure she spends time with others, so that she is independent and not overly clingy. Having lots of kids is a great idea!

b) I don't fuss unnecessarily over small matters such as fights or falls.
eg one of her playmates (regular, not ASD) pinches at times. I tell her to tell me, helper or auntie. Auntie will scold XX. She goes around telling her cousin that ah ma will scold if she's naughty. haha

c) my life doesn't centre around her (although she's constantly on my mind) eg I have nights out with friends, etc. I try to live a \"balanced\" life.


hope this helps

[Chenonceau]

2ppaamm, all the best.

[kylene]

Chenonceau:

Whoa! 2ppaaamm... this is beautiful sharing.

Little Boy was the exact opposite. Cerebral, quiet, retiring and reflective. He was miserable in preschool. He didn't cry but he wasn't happy. I think every child has his timing. If your Mommy instinct tells you that your son is not ready, then maybe he isn't. I put Little Boy into school in nursery, and then I pulled him out. He went into K1 again, and got pulled out. He only managed to stay in preschool in middle K1. He had 1 friend then. In K2, he had 3 friends... very close. Every year, he finds himself 1 or 2 people to hang out with.

Hi, my son is not gifted, not as far as I can tell anyway, but he does not seem to be happy in preschool either. He is like your boy, he doesn't cry but is not happy . Can you share more about why you pulled your son out of nursery/k1 ?