Toddler not participating in class

[kylene]

Hi Phankao and Desertwind,

thanks for your replies.

My DS is active and happy at home , very chatty. He did not run around in class, would sit down but always a distance away from the rest of the kids. During outdoor play, he rarely joins in, sometimes he watches the rest, other times he would play by himself.

He does not seem afraid to go to school. I take him to school and he has not resisted at all.

I don’t know if he’s learning anything in school but it’s not really my main concern currently. I’m just worried because he is not participating. like not doing the colouring/not answering questions etc. He does point to pictures/cards when asked thought.

[gweichan]

Hi


My girl went to a church kindergarten for 3 hrs a day at slightly less than 2.5 years old last year. She would come home dancing, telling me what happened in school and what she has learnt. I had thought that she enjoyed school as she looked forward to going to school daily.

2-3 months later, I called her school teachers and realised that my girl didn’t speak a single word in school and she did not participate in all the class activities. They commented that my gal seemed sleepy in class.

The teachers think my gal is too shy and they would continue to engage her. She is able to follow instructions as well.

This year, things have improved as she starts to talk and participates in class and activities. I think my gal has gained confidence in herself and teachers after spending a good 4 months last year.

Maybe you can work with the teachers in school on how to help your son.

[kylene]

Thanks Chenoncheau for your advice!


Dear Gweichan,
thanks for your reassurance. I was hoping for Mummys like you to give feedback, and that my DS is not "strange".

[pingsped]

Hi Kylene


I think at 2.5 yrs, some children are not emotionally ready for school.

It may help if you read books about school and talk about school activities. When he has a mental schema or idea about school, he'll find school less threatening.

Most children (above 3 years old) take about 2-4 weeks to get used to school. Some children will take up to 6 mth. If he doesn't cry, I think that is a good sign. Sometimes teachers' feedback sound like they're complaining (due to weak communication skills). He certainly isn't disruptive. They may be just concerned.

Handling new situations - some kids like to observe from a distance. Some kids just run away or do their own things. Good teachers know when to approach a new child and put him/her at ease. If class is big and noisy, some children find it very stressful. So you may want to look for a childcare with very small class size. The noise and activity generated in a class of 12 kids and two teachers is much more than a small class of 4 kids and one teacher.

Attending parent-accompanied programmes is also a great transition to regular school.

I intend to enrol my girl in Nursery or about 4 years old. I believe that close adult attention and supervision are necessary for optimal cognitive and socio-emotional growth.

For now, I do some \"school activities\" with my toddler at home as I'm familiar with early childhood development and curriculum. She also attends a weekly playgroup at my centre. So she's very familiar with concept of school and what it entails.

She plays with her cousins regularly. One is in her terrible threes with daily tantrums. My girl imitates her behaviour at times; generally she is able to cope well as my helper supervises them and reports back to me.

I prefer this arrangement as
a) there are lots of active children who have minimal parental supervision these days.
b) I'm able to keep close tabs and take notes on the girls' development. I only intervene if I feel that my girl is unable to solve the \"social problem\". She has learnt to be giving, patient and cooperative.

I'm introducing character study of her cousin by using real-life scenarios which she can relate to. I would like to teach my niece but my sibling thinks \"she is just a child\".

My sib and mum enjoy having my girl over as having a 3rd child changes group dynamics. My nieces fight less. The younger niece also learns about ownership and sharing. She didn't even allow my girl to play with her own toys. She doesn't play with toys. My younger niece just hoards toys and prevents the girls from playing. She is getting better slowly. You have to be comfy with some minor fights and yelling. My girl is fairly thick-skinned and quite self-assured/resilient for her age.

You may want to find regular playmates near your place if your boy is not ready for school. Going out regularly to new places and meeting new people is also a great way to get a child to adapt quickly

I'm keen on monthly playdates (2-4 year old) in north areas. Pls PM me if u r intertested

[gweichan]

I also feel that my girl finds school too threatening that she refused to speak a word then. However, the school teachers are kind enough to keep encouraging her to speak up and engage her in activities even if she does it alone. From what the teachers said, my girl likes to observe from far and that is why she could relate what happens in school and remembers the names of all her classmates.


The weird thing with her is she has not cried at all from the start of school and also not complaining that she does not want to go to school. I guess she just needs some warm up. However, she’s quite sociable when I bring her to playdates with her brother.

You may want to keep encouraging your son and try to find who are his friends in school to relate better to him? Or speak to teacher to see who does yr boy usually speak to and you can work with the kid to help your son?

[kylene]

Hi Gweichan,


my son is a little like your girl. He is able to tell me a little of what happens in school because he does watches while all the activities are being carried out. Just doesn’t say a word, except for I dont want when asked to participate.

His school is half montessori so the teachers report that he refuses to do the Montessori activities.

[gweichan]

I think so too. Maybe just give your son more time if you decide not to pull him out from the school. My girl will just do activities on her own, not with group but under the instructions of teachers, like colouring, lego, craft work (what she prefers to do alone).


Maybe your son is like my gal, emotionally not ready. So we just give them the support and encourage them.

[pingsped]

If he’s not crying & both of you are comfortable with the teachers, it’s better not to change.


Cos it’ll be more stressful for him in another new school if the teachers are unable to engage him for whatever reason. Small classrooms and class sizes are less intimidating for young kids.

Sensitive kids usu take a longer time or abt 4-6 mth of daily school to adapt to a new place.

[kylene]

Hi,


I wouldn’t mind so much if my son does activities by himself. However, I’m concerned that he does not want to participate in activities at all. eg colouring, Montessori hands-on activities. Is that also part of the adjustment period?

Speaking about sensitive kids, I think my son does seem to be the senstive sort. He would complain about the water temperature when we shower him, it has to be "just-right" . and he complains about labels in his clothes too!

[kylene]

gweichan:

My girl will just do activities on her own, not with group but under the instructions of teachers, like colouring, lego, craft work (what she prefers to do alone).

Does your girl sit away from the group? So the teachers will attend to her separately? I don't think my son's cc's teachers do that