Is it necessary to get a new daddy for my son?

[e3nity]

Liz_Ryan:

As a young girl, I used to have a dream. A dream that I would get married at the age of 23, start having children at the age of 24… Wanted to have 4 kids, stop giving birth at the age of 30… and never did I believe premarital sex.


I never had any puppy-love during school days, first had a boyfriend at the age of 19. We were together for 4 years, and nothing intimate happened between us. In the same year I met my 2nd boyfriend, I was 23 then. We started living together when I was 25, we loved being with each other but still kept a respectful distance. Finally we really got close after 2 years.

And at the age of 29, I kinda gave up hope as he had never initiated marriage. But I wanted to fulfill my dream to be a mom. So I got pregnant. When my son turned 2, I began to think of our future and thought I could not carry on cohabiting for the rest of my life, so decided to call our relationship off. It was a painful decision for a while.

My boy is already 6 years old now. All this while I have been giving him the impression that his dad has gone to work but will not be coming back.

I am struggling, but doing fine bringing him up on my own. I know bringing up a kid is never going to be easy but it is my responsibility and I have grown to enjoy it.

But friends are telling me I would need a companion no matter what. I am confused. I am so used to being alone, taking care of my son. I am not sure if I ever would have the space for another man in my life. Even if I would, would the man and my son ever accept one another?

I am seeking opinion from those out there, be it you are married, single or divorced…..

Merely opinions, after all it would be me who’ll be leading my life with my son……

Hi Liz

I'm going thru my divorce now. Thank god! Finally.. I've been seperated for the past 4 yrs. Thru out the 4 yrs, my ex had nv visited DS once not to say maintenace. Well but we struggled thru. In the inital stage when we were seperated, i had totally nothing in my bank. The bank even send me a letter to inform me that if i don't deposit $500 in the bank, they will close my account. I looked for a sales job. It was very tough but fortunately my mom helped me thru. Eventually i enrolled DS to childcare and life moved on since then. I've a job and income was very stable but its not enough. I went to further my studies and now i'm holding a quite good income and a good post in the office.

During this 4 years, i've been in 2 relationship but it didn't work out. Man gives reason like they can't accept my DS n wants me to give up my DS to be with them. Well of coz i didn't. My friends ask if i feel lonely coz there is no companionship/partner support cause i'm just 26. I told them no. I want the best out of my child's life and mine. If there is gona b a man in my life he got to love my everything.

Over the years i see how my child grow. To me, its not a must to have a man in my life. I can still support my child. I agree sometimes with the absence of a father the child may not be coping well. However, with the help of HELP FSC for single parents and child, both of us are mentally and emotionally fine.

My child is my everything. That is my option. You have the rights to decide what is right for you. If there happen to be a man who appear, do make sure he love ur child more than u.. This will prevent child abuse by step father.

May god bless you!

[LOLMum]

dear e3nity,


God bless you and your son. it is very good of you to put your son first instead of the new man in your life. the child is the most vulnerable person in any relationship. he is too young, helpless to fend for himself.

am very happy to hear life is turning good for you both and hope you will continue to be strong for any situations.

God bless you both.

[e3nity]

LOLMum:

dear e3nity,


God bless you and your son. it is very good of you to put your son first instead of the new man in your life. the child is the most vulnerable person in any relationship. he is too young, helpless to fend for himself.

am very happy to hear life is turning good for you both and hope you will continue to be strong for any situations.

God bless you both.

Hi LOLMum

I hope my life story will help Liz alittle.. and thanks.. i'm glad that everything is fine with my child..

[Liz_Ryan]

e3nity:

Hi LOLMum

I hope my life story will help Liz alittle.. and thanks.. i'm glad that everything is fine with my child..

Yea indeed, e3nity, thanx for e comfort

Cheers!

[e3nity]

Liz_Ryan:

Yea indeed, e3nity, thanx for e comfort


Cheers!

No worries Liz.. Single parents juz got to set their priority right.. I'm not a wonderful mom.. At a stage i din set it right.. But i'm grateful that i've done the right thing. So Cheers.. Lets pray for the better in our own kids..

[swebber]

You’re right its really a personal decision that you should make. First of course i suggest that you should start by being honest with your kid, after all, it not a uncommon thing having a single parent nowadays and it better that he knows since he is already in the stage where he would start asking a lot of things, lying would only make him hate you in the end. Secondly, if you feel that you are doing just fine without a partner then maybe you’d just be messing it up when you force yourself to get one just cause of peer pressure. As long as you know you are doing the right thing for you child, giving him enough love and support, then you should be ok.

[Liz_Ryan]

swebber:

You're right its really a personal decision that you should make. First of course i suggest that you should start by being honest with your kid, after all, it not a uncommon thing having a single parent nowadays and it better that he knows since he is already in the stage where he would start asking a lot of things, lying would only make him hate you in the end. Secondly, if you feel that you are doing just fine without a partner then maybe you'd just be messing it up when you force yourself to get one just cause of peer pressure. As long as you know you are doing the right thing for you child, giving him enough love and support, then you should be ok.

hi swebber,

i just read your post today as life was pretty hectic the past many weeks.

thank u & everyone here so much for all the views/opinions/advice that u guys have shared.

being here, i feel lyk i do hv frenz to turn to, for advice & help, whenever i need, even though we do not know each other personally....

love,
liz

[samuelarnold]

Ask your child about the new relation. i mean ask him are you need a new dad. and also find he will be adjust with a new member.

[daddybear]

I am a single parent too. I think the primary problem is finding someone that will accept you as a packaged deal. That is difficult. It is one thing to risk your own emotions and well being but to ask your child to do the same… not so easy. I have been separated for 3 years and met some people. Ultimately issues in regards to my child led me to call it quits. I don’t ever want my son to feel that he is a burden to me.


Ultimately, i asked myself whether its more impt to be a good parent or have a companion. The choice for me was easy. Besides, there are no guarantees in life… couples can break up at any point in time. So why not just concentrate on the child and when they are older, I am sure there will be opportunities for one if you still inclined.

[e3nity]

daddybear:

I am a single parent too. I think the primary problem is finding someone that will accept you as a packaged deal. That is difficult. It is one thing to risk your own emotions and well being but to ask your child to do the same... not so easy. I have been separated for 3 years and met some people. Ultimately issues in regards to my child led me to call it quits. I don't ever want my son to feel that he is a burden to me.


Ultimately, i asked myself whether its more impt to be a good parent or have a companion. The choice for me was easy. Besides, there are no guarantees in life... couples can break up at any point in time. So why not just concentrate on the child and when they are older, I am sure there will be opportunities for one if you still inclined.

daddybear,
i agree with u.. being a single parent we face this same problem.. the 1+1 issue.. u believe you've made a right choice to set ur child priority..