At what age yr child should start dating?

[Sky15]

Hi all


How do I discourage my 15 year old daughter from dating? I have asked her if she was together with a guy and she denied it. However, I later found out she was indeed with a guy.

I want to discourage her from dating. My reasons are:

1) I do not want her to be taken advantage of
2) She needs to focus on her studies
3) I would prefer her to make a lot of friends (both male and female) instead of restricting her social circle to only this boyfriend

I know that some people may say that I am attempting to restrict her freedom, but my argument is that

1) She is still young. She has plenty of time to date in the future, why the urge to date now? I want her to grow up and be more mature and prepared physically and mentally first before dating, Also, at this young age, I want her to widen her social circle and make lots of friends instead of being romantically involved with a guy who may not be the best for her

2) Also, I have read online stories of girls who regretted dating at an early age. They said they were temporarily infatuated with the guy and did not take into account the person’s flaws. When the relationship turned sour things also turned ugly and left a negative impact on these girls’ lives. I dont want my sister to make the same mistakes as these girls did.
I would like to hear your responses, especially from girls. Thank you.

[verykiasu2010]

your sister or your daughter ?

[Bedokid]

Sky15:

Hi all


How do I discourage my 15 year old daughter from dating? I have asked her if she was together with a guy and she denied it. However, I later found out she was indeed with a guy.

I want to discourage her from dating. My reasons are:

1) I do not want her to be taken advantage of
2) She needs to focus on her studies
3) I would prefer her to make a lot of friends (both male and female) instead of restricting her social circle to only this boyfriend

I know that some people may say that I am attempting to restrict her freedom, but my argument is that

1) She is still young. She has plenty of time to date in the future, why the urge to date now? I want her to grow up and be more mature and prepared physically and mentally first before dating, Also, at this young age, I want her to widen her social circle and make lots of friends instead of being romantically involved with a guy who may not be the best for her

2) Also, I have read online stories of girls who regretted dating at an early age. They said they were temporarily infatuated with the guy and did not take into account the person's flaws. When the relationship turned sour things also turned ugly and left a negative impact on these girls' lives. I dont want my sister to make the same mistakes as these girls did.
I would like to hear your responses, especially from girls. Thank you.

Hi Sky15

Understand how u are feeling now, we also gone through this experience with one of our daughter.....no matter how we objected to her dating she still carried on .....she told us that most of her classmates were like that also and there was nothing wrong for a teenager to date......I remembered everyday asking her what time her lessons would end and trying everything we could to make her come home on time....but no use lah......so we changed our attitudes...instead of nagging at her everynow and then, we talked to her nicely and encouraged her at least to let us know which guy she was going out with......we also tried to reason out with her in a way that if she was able to do well in her studies, we would not object to her dating......then she finally told us more or less about her dating......she slowly could accept our advices and opinions when we talked softly and nicely.......in the end she found that this guy was not suitable and gave up without our advice........just to let u know that the more u try to object, the more they will not listen to u, just play along and guide them on the way rather to annoy them and pushing them furher from us.........

[cherrygal]

I think we were all young once. Did we listen to our parents when they objected? Nooo....


Your teenager is in a rebellious phase. If you object violently, she may just rebel and deliberately stick with him. Tell her to invite him home for a meal so you can show him that your gal has a good family that will give him hell if he dared to play with her. And tell her she can only continue to see him if she improved her grades. Sometimes, their grades actually improve as they can motivate each other. The power of love...sigh

At this age, both have their hormones raging so you better give her a good education on the birds and bees. It is hard to tell them not to do anything but they better know how to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies and diseases. Show her articles about unwed mums, HIV etc to \"scare\" her.

I think I better make my gal wear braces and thick spectacles in her teens. I did and never had a boyfriend at that age...

[MMM]

Have you tried talking to her in a open manner?


I know we will reach there one day as my kids are still young (oldest girl being P4 only).

However I held this conversation with my niece last year when she was in Sec 3. She is in a girls school but I see alot of boys who are actively commenting on her FB. Boys she got to through tuition class and CCA.

So I chatted with her casually on how she knows the boys. BTW, her father in particular is alot more traditional so they are not aware of such stuff. I believed she don’t talk about such stuff with her parents.

I shared with her what I went through when I was a teenager. I cautioned her (more like woman talk) about getting into a relationship, physical intimacy,etc… This is more like pls take care of yourselves, you will regret it if you are being taken advantage of. Also, friends who gave birth at 15, etc… Also, issues of boys going to army,etc… there is a forest out there for you. Make more friends and widen your options. Don’t get into a relationship for the sake of getting into one, etc…

I feel that by sharing the relationships I had, I was able to reach out to her. This is to make her feel that yes, we’ve been through that before. It’s nothing new and her feelings are normal for teenagers. It’s normal to have crushes, etc… But I realised that to them, they might think that our spouse is probably the one and only that we dated before we got married. They also think their parents used to be super goody when they are teenagers. Maybe the 1st and only type of deal.

I personally feel that if we discuss about relationship openly, they will feel that we can associate with them and is hence more open to suggestions.

Also, my mum had a good tactic, always encourage kids to bring their friends home (girls and boys). including boyfriends. Be open, at least if that is the bf and they bring him home, u can see what kind of guy he is,etc… This is better than having her doing it secretively behind your back. It’s easier to moniter her that way.

I am currently the "spy" for my sil for my poly nephew. Another BGR issue. I feel that I am able to reach out to them better maybe because I am not their parents???

[vlim]

cherrygal:

I think I better make my gal wear braces and thick spectacles in her teens. I did and never had a boyfriend at that age...

very good suggestion indeed cherrygal :goodpost:

[Herbie]

Dun object when you object you shut the communication channel and she will just go away from you…


I have a friend who objected her’s son marriage and ended the son left for UK and did not talk/email her for 3 years…

[ppnqq]

cherrygal:

I think we were all young once. Did we listen to our parents when they objected? Nooo....


Your teenager is in a rebellious phase. If you object violently, she may just rebel and deliberately stick with him. Tell her to invite him home for a meal so you can show him that your gal has a good family that will give him hell if he dared to play with her. And tell her she can only continue to see him if she improved her grades. Sometimes, their grades actually improve as they can motivate each other. The power of love...sigh

At this age, both have their hormones raging so you better give her a good education on the birds and bees. It is hard to tell them not to do anything but they better know how to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies and diseases. Show her articles about unwed mums, HIV etc to \"scare\" her.

I think I better make my gal wear braces and thick spectacles in her teens. I did and never had a boyfriend at that age...

Lol.

Well, yes, I agree. I started educating my kids on sex as young as pre-school - the very basics. They got their 'Intermediate' lessons around P2/3, 'Advanced' level at P4 without practical OF COURSE!

I believe in educating them to take precaution instead of 'forbidding' them to do anything. Who can guarantee? It's also impossible to follow them 24/7 right?

Although mine are still very young, er, small, I've already taught her everything that she needs to know, including the consequences, pros and cons of having early and pre-marital sex and the importance of taking precaution.

Some of my friends could not comprehend WHY do I have to and WHY I am teaching my kids to take precautions such as taking condoms etc but I don't think there is anything wrong. Kids are much more matured than we used to be in the past. I'd rather tell them what I know than letting them not getting any answers hence trying out and 'experiment' it themselves.

The more we try to hold back or stop them, good luck, most likely it may back fire. Might as well teach them all the necessary right tools and consequences. As the saying goes - Prevention is better than cure.

JMHO.

[tankee]

cherrygal:

I think we were all young once. Did we listen to our parents when they objected? Nooo....


.........|

:goodpost: :celebrate:

[mamemo]

cherrygal:

I think we were all young once. Did we listen to our parents when they objected? Nooo....


Your teenager is in a rebellious phase. If you object violently, she may just rebel and deliberately stick with him. Tell her to invite him home for a meal so you can show him that your gal has a good family that will give him hell if he dared to play with her. And tell her she can only continue to see him if she improved her grades. Sometimes, their grades actually improve as they can motivate each other. The power of love...sigh

At this age, both have their hormones raging so you better give her a good education on the birds and bees. It is hard to tell them not to do anything but they better know how to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies and diseases. Show her articles about unwed mums, HIV etc to \"scare\" her.

I think I better make my gal wear braces and thick spectacles in her teens. I did and never had a boyfriend at that age...

:goodpost:

think keeping the communications open helps. Know what's happening is much better than guessing and worrying about her everyday.