At what age yr child should start dating?

[cherrygal]

I think we were all young once. Did we listen to our parents when they objected? Nooo....


Your teenager is in a rebellious phase. If you object violently, she may just rebel and deliberately stick with him. Tell her to invite him home for a meal so you can show him that your gal has a good family that will give him hell if he dared to play with her. And tell her she can only continue to see him if she improved her grades. Sometimes, their grades actually improve as they can motivate each other. The power of love...sigh

At this age, both have their hormones raging so you better give her a good education on the birds and bees. It is hard to tell them not to do anything but they better know how to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies and diseases. Show her articles about unwed mums, HIV etc to \"scare\" her.

I think I better make my gal wear braces and thick spectacles in her teens. I did and never had a boyfriend at that age...

[MMM]

Have you tried talking to her in a open manner?


I know we will reach there one day as my kids are still young (oldest girl being P4 only).

However I held this conversation with my niece last year when she was in Sec 3. She is in a girls school but I see alot of boys who are actively commenting on her FB. Boys she got to through tuition class and CCA.

So I chatted with her casually on how she knows the boys. BTW, her father in particular is alot more traditional so they are not aware of such stuff. I believed she don’t talk about such stuff with her parents.

I shared with her what I went through when I was a teenager. I cautioned her (more like woman talk) about getting into a relationship, physical intimacy,etc… This is more like pls take care of yourselves, you will regret it if you are being taken advantage of. Also, friends who gave birth at 15, etc… Also, issues of boys going to army,etc… there is a forest out there for you. Make more friends and widen your options. Don’t get into a relationship for the sake of getting into one, etc…

I feel that by sharing the relationships I had, I was able to reach out to her. This is to make her feel that yes, we’ve been through that before. It’s nothing new and her feelings are normal for teenagers. It’s normal to have crushes, etc… But I realised that to them, they might think that our spouse is probably the one and only that we dated before we got married. They also think their parents used to be super goody when they are teenagers. Maybe the 1st and only type of deal.

I personally feel that if we discuss about relationship openly, they will feel that we can associate with them and is hence more open to suggestions.

Also, my mum had a good tactic, always encourage kids to bring their friends home (girls and boys). including boyfriends. Be open, at least if that is the bf and they bring him home, u can see what kind of guy he is,etc… This is better than having her doing it secretively behind your back. It’s easier to moniter her that way.

I am currently the "spy" for my sil for my poly nephew. Another BGR issue. I feel that I am able to reach out to them better maybe because I am not their parents???

[vlim]

cherrygal:

I think I better make my gal wear braces and thick spectacles in her teens. I did and never had a boyfriend at that age...

very good suggestion indeed cherrygal :goodpost:

[Herbie]

Dun object when you object you shut the communication channel and she will just go away from you…


I have a friend who objected her’s son marriage and ended the son left for UK and did not talk/email her for 3 years…

[ppnqq]

cherrygal:

I think we were all young once. Did we listen to our parents when they objected? Nooo....


Your teenager is in a rebellious phase. If you object violently, she may just rebel and deliberately stick with him. Tell her to invite him home for a meal so you can show him that your gal has a good family that will give him hell if he dared to play with her. And tell her she can only continue to see him if she improved her grades. Sometimes, their grades actually improve as they can motivate each other. The power of love...sigh

At this age, both have their hormones raging so you better give her a good education on the birds and bees. It is hard to tell them not to do anything but they better know how to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies and diseases. Show her articles about unwed mums, HIV etc to \"scare\" her.

I think I better make my gal wear braces and thick spectacles in her teens. I did and never had a boyfriend at that age...

Lol.

Well, yes, I agree. I started educating my kids on sex as young as pre-school - the very basics. They got their 'Intermediate' lessons around P2/3, 'Advanced' level at P4 without practical OF COURSE!

I believe in educating them to take precaution instead of 'forbidding' them to do anything. Who can guarantee? It's also impossible to follow them 24/7 right?

Although mine are still very young, er, small, I've already taught her everything that she needs to know, including the consequences, pros and cons of having early and pre-marital sex and the importance of taking precaution.

Some of my friends could not comprehend WHY do I have to and WHY I am teaching my kids to take precautions such as taking condoms etc but I don't think there is anything wrong. Kids are much more matured than we used to be in the past. I'd rather tell them what I know than letting them not getting any answers hence trying out and 'experiment' it themselves.

The more we try to hold back or stop them, good luck, most likely it may back fire. Might as well teach them all the necessary right tools and consequences. As the saying goes - Prevention is better than cure.

JMHO.

[tankee]

cherrygal:

I think we were all young once. Did we listen to our parents when they objected? Nooo....


.........|

:goodpost: :celebrate:

[mamemo]

cherrygal:

I think we were all young once. Did we listen to our parents when they objected? Nooo....


Your teenager is in a rebellious phase. If you object violently, she may just rebel and deliberately stick with him. Tell her to invite him home for a meal so you can show him that your gal has a good family that will give him hell if he dared to play with her. And tell her she can only continue to see him if she improved her grades. Sometimes, their grades actually improve as they can motivate each other. The power of love...sigh

At this age, both have their hormones raging so you better give her a good education on the birds and bees. It is hard to tell them not to do anything but they better know how to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies and diseases. Show her articles about unwed mums, HIV etc to \"scare\" her.

I think I better make my gal wear braces and thick spectacles in her teens. I did and never had a boyfriend at that age...

:goodpost:

think keeping the communications open helps. Know what's happening is much better than guessing and worrying about her everyday.

[Sun_2010]

cherrygal:

I think I better make my gal wear braces and thick spectacles in her teens. I did and never had a boyfriend at that age...

DD has glasses oready and i just got her contacts :stupid:

Atleast must get her braces now asap

[Chenonceau]

If there already is a relationship, then best to invite it out into the open. If you object, it’ll dive deep underground where you cannot advise.


From Sec 2 I’ve been teasing DD about boys… so much so that when there were suitors (in JC1) I knew exactly whom and how many 'cos she would tell me. I contrived to have the more likely ones visit. Based on what I saw, I gave her my views.

I only objected very strongly to one, whom I thought very "wu liao" and didn’t look like he could focus on his studies. I sniffed and told her "This guy has a loser mentality." I know this is strong but hey… this is my daughter ok. This was before anything began. Before I knew it, she had herself chosen to distance him.

Then one of the others turned out very serious. The boy is excellent in his studies, comes from a humble home, is quiet and very thrifty in his habits. He is kind and very serious about her. I have nothing to say. Because ‘A’ levels is this year, I told her "The last thing you wanna be is to become a girl who needs a smart man to make it in life. Your boyfriend is a good guy but you’re not married yet. There is no reason to sacrifice your ‘A’ levels for love, and no reason to rush things. Boys marry girls they can respect, and if you flunk out at ‘A’ levels, he is likely to break up with you because he’ll go abroad and you will be stuck here." So… DD decided that until ‘A’ levels are over, they will only date on one Saturday a month… and not push the relationship too far too fast".

In that one Saturday, he spends half a day with us. He knows we like him and he is also made aware that our daughter is precious and we want her to be well-treated.

My point is that many parents object to teenage love, and then the moment their kids graduate, they expect a boyfriend to appear. Relationships need time too. So, my approach was to bring that aspect of life out into the open so that I could advise. If they can find a good one early, then keep that one because a good spouse is hard to find without parental guidance.

By counselling restraint in her current relationship, I am ensuring the growth of a stable and healthy relationship that would not easily suffer break-up. By counselling against the earlier suitor, I nipped an unhealthy relationship in the bud before it could get anywhere.

If you object, you deny yourself the opportunity to help your daughter make a wise choice in life partner. If you don’t know the boy, you don’t have the facts to present to her about the desirability or not of the person as a suitor. If you do know the boy and like him, you can help to maintain the relationship. if you do know the boy and DON’T like him then you can have the facts with which to drive wedges between them. If you don’t know the boy, you can’t do anything at all.

I bring it all out into the open… and tackle issues of sex etc… head-on. I ask point-blank "Any kissy kissy going on?" I dunno if they lie when they answer but I am not afraid to talk about these issues and their implications… and to joke about garden shears and castration. After all, these days, the teenagers know a lot already.

It’s seems easy for me to share now… but in the past 12 months, I have had periods of nailbiting uncertainty especially when last year my Straight "A" DD brought home no A at all. I have thrown 2 hissy fits and complained that my life has been wasted since she looks about to throw a bright future away on a boy who has never done anything for her (whilst I have sacrificed ALL)… OK… OK… Drama! But hey, this is my daughter ok!

Then after that, I explained to both that we all acknowledge the relationship and so it is a legitimate one. And like every legitimate relationship, there are responsibilities, one of which is to have her boyfriend build a relationship with DD’s family, meaning us all. And so far, the boyfriend seems to fit in with us quite well… and DD is aware that if she doesn’t wanna lose him, then she should slow it down. Meanwhile, if all goes well… I think I got myself a prize son-in-law. The challenge is to keep him.

I told DD, you don’t need many suitors and forget about having lotsa boyfriends and then choosing. You only need ONE really good one, like your Daddy. When you’re a teen, you dunno how to make good choices in life partner. I was lucky, I ended up with a good one. Many of my friends didn’t. We all married for love. As a parent, I wanna be there to advise and I want DD to be able to trust and confide in me SO THAT I can advise. For this to happen, I had to bite my tongue and shut up more times than I can count… wait for enough evidence… wait for enough facts.

[sleepy]

vlim:

cherrygal:

I think I better make my gal wear braces and thick spectacles in her teens. I did and never had a boyfriend at that age...

very good suggestion indeed cherrygal :goodpost:

I had massive acne outbreak at that age. I think 99.9% chance the same fate would happen to my girls :lol: