In-law problems?

[winth]

3boys:

they generally have the interest of their grandchildren at heart

That's really a general statement there. Cos it generally didn't happen to my boys and their paternal grandma.

Maybe it was real funny to leave my boy suffocating in the pillow? Or teaching him survival skills like learning how to breathe sideways when someones tries to suffocate you?

I have seen her scratching and knocking my boy's face (accidentally, you would say) against walls/purses/car side mirrors so many times that DH has got no comment too. I have seen her pulling my boys along, squeezing them through car-gaps (how many people do you think can make it through a car gap?), in the carpark, so as to catch up with DH to talk to him. So the child that she holds onto suffers, whoever is in her hands.

We generally do not dare to leave our boys alone with her. They do come back with scratches. It's scarier than leaving them with the maids.

Been through that, was like hell. If that's the way they implement things in the name of interest for their grandchildren, then it's better that I put the children in my care, no matter how tough fight I need to put up so as to keep my children away from 'harm'. That's when I turn into a TIGRESS.

[3Boys]

winth,

I’m not sure why you think I am picking on you. Perhaps it has been a sore point and I am pressing the wrong buttons.

I do not say that parents back down in the face of abuse or unsafe practices. If indeed such things occur, then surely, stand your ground, chase them out, call the police.

Equally, should PILs observe that their DIL/SILs are abusive of their grandchildren, then they also have a duty of care to take the necessary steps. This can occur as well.

The point is that what applies to parents applies equally to PILs, and vice-versa. It is unhelpful to plant a label on PILs and call them all ogres, because many are not. Some things are subjective (‘heaty drinks’), some are not (suffocation with pillow), I’m sure we all know when to act and I’m not suggesting otherwise.

[schellen]

3Boys, maybe you forgot one difference between men and women? Women just want to pour all their miseries out and have a listening ear. We feel much better this way. We’re not really seeking solutions here unless we actually ask for them and mean it. However, guys like to analyse and solve things so maybe our gripes here "irk" you cos you see solutions and wonder why we don’t implement them. (We do but in our own way. And while we do that, we still like to gripe.)


As usual, no offence is intended.

[csc]

schellen:

3Boys, maybe you forgot one difference between men and women? Women just want to pour all their miseries out and have a listening ear. We feel much better this way. We're not really seeking solutions here unless we actually ask for them and mean it. However, guys like to analyse and solve things so maybe our gripes here \"irk\" you cos you see solutions and wonder why we don't implement them. (We do but in our own way. And while we do that, we still like to gripe.)


As usual, no offence is intended.

Spot on! That , i agree!

[3Boys]

schellen:

3Boys, maybe you forgot one difference between men and women?

I always forget and always need reminding...... cease and desist, I shall.

schellen:

As usual, no offence is intended.

None taken.

[winth]

Wow thanks schellen! You've described all these perfectly.


It de-stresses me when I let those grudges out. I get terrible headaches everytime I see these things happening to me and my kids and yet, the feeling of helplessness sink in almost instantly.

It's unlike when you're facing some rude parents and I can be real rude and fight back. It's unlike some crowded places that we can choose not to go and avoid at all costs. I can't choose not to do the things that I dread.

But I also know that to keep my marriage at status quo is to overlook all these things which DH has described to me that they are all unimportant events and he feels sad for them that they are still so caught up with misery.

Yap, DH knows what's going on between me and his family side. So, there's nothing I need to hide. Just that he doesn't like me to make it public.

3Boys:

winth,
I'm not sure why you think I am picking on you. Perhaps it has been a sore point and I am pressing the wrong buttons.

well, for a while back there, I really thought you were. hehe... I just wanted to let you know that yes, some MILs are really great (I do know quite a number of them through my friends and relatives). And well, let's just say that some very few MILs really aren't that 'enlightened' yet, and I happen to have one that gives me a really bad time - I call them my memorable moments.

I was pissed yesterday, but I am not now. Serious. At least now I know you are not picking on me. But I do hope that you could make more generalised statements bec those comments were considered 'high-risk' and they tend to upset certain post-ers. 说者无心，听者有意。

[buds hubs]

3Boys:

Come on guys, any of you got IL problems, or is it mainly a gal thing?.

Hmmm.... This statement really got my attention..

Come to think of it, most of the comments are from the DWs..

I don't think the relationship that I have with my PILs are perfect but somehow, I dont see a point complaining about it. Just learn to get over it and forget about it lor...

What the use of complaining. There is no gain..

P/S: Bros... Beware the Wrath of DWs

[hquek]

IMHO, Could it be the view that when daughters marry, girls parents will think that this is 'poured out' water - therefore parents don't complain or generate problems for their sons in law. But when it comes to sons, seems like these girls are new additions to the family - so can \"hiam\"? Although some of the postings were really eye popping.


From friends and my own experience, I have learnt that DDs can shout at their mothers; but DILs must never even raise their voice.

My mantra is \"Silence is golden\". Now just got to put it to practice.

Winth, just read your earlier postings. Wow! I would become tigress in those instances also.

[ChiefKiasu]

buds hubs:

...P/S: Bros... Beware the Wrath of DWs

Great advice. I put it to good use myself. That's why I refrain from posting in this thread

[3Boys]

ChiefKiasu:

buds hubs:

...P/S: Bros... Beware the Wrath of DWs

Great advice. I put it to good use myself. That's why I refrain from posting in this thread

I not getting hantam by my DW but by other people's DWs......