At what age yr child should start dating?

[sleepy]

insider:

Em... I don't think it is necessary for a teenage boy and a girl to go out for 1-to-1 'casual outing' unless they are real buddies (like me when in sec school where boys would take me also like a boy more than a girl. We went out more like 'brothers' instead of like a boy and a girl).

Hey, dh is one of my buddies :lol:

We were best friends for quite a while & I didn't notice he carries a torch for me. While I go on 'casual outing', he even offered his guy's perspective. Come to think of it, he's rather shrewd, became my buddy so that he can continue to hang around me.

He's very amused that with so many bees buzzing around me, I never had a boyfriend. And he also knew me well enough that I do not fall in love easily so he would rather not join the admirers camp. If I view him as one of my admirers, I would be more cautious & would stop seeing him totally in order not to lead him on.

We had a strong friendship foundation to begin with. So when he announced that he's going to woo me officially, our BGR progressed smoothly. Although it took me another few months to slowly see him in a different light la.



Heehee, we should start a separate thread on 'how you meet your spouse'

[sleepy]

insider:

Interesting article:


Get to know lots of people – By getting too serious too soon you cut yourself off from other relationships. Don’t be in too much of a hurry to have a girlfriend or boyfriend. Date a lot of different people and have fun.

That's what I was advocating earlier. [Please date (casual outing with) a few boys, not just one. ]

deminc:

And shouldn't teenage stage exactly be the time for such casual outings? I would not want them to have such great expectations of love and dating during the volatile period of teenhood.

Yes, I think so too. It's an exploration age. They are still immatured. Yet to see the world. There's no need to rush into any serious relationship.


My ex-classmate went on a date with the first boy who asked her out, decided she's in love, became a couple 2 weeks after they met, and got married months later. Then divorced leow. She's badly hurt emotionally. On hindsight, she said she was inexperienced, never dated before. So long a guy pays her attention, she assumes she found the ONE.

If she gave herself more time to slowly explore what she's looking for in a future partner, perhaps went on more casual outing, instead of diving into a serious relationship right away with the first boy she dated, could have save her some heartache.

[sleepy]

insider:

Sleepy, am curious that you will encourage your girl / boy when they are 15 or 16 to go for multiple single 'casual datings' for 'explorations'? This 'dinosaur' here think is unthinkable to encourage children at this age to do so...

I never say I encourage that at 15 o 16 le :scratchhead:
My point is don't dive into a serious relationship right way. Take your time to pick & choose.

However, I won't make a big fuss if she tells me she's going library with a boy classmate. It's a non-event in my opinion. There's no need to make a big deal out of it.


I had my first boyfriend (dh) at age 24. Hopefully my girls took my cue

[Happy Mama]

insider:

Interesting article:


Parenting Your Teen: Dating Dos and Don'ts for Teens By Julie Baumgardner

Source: http://www.more4kids.info/586/teenage-dating-tips/

Thanks for sharing this article, insider. :goodpost:

[rosemummy]

insider:

I tend to believe that if a child (teenager) has a good bonding with his/her family in the areas of trust and respect with a sense of security, has a good social circle of good friends and healthy activities / hobbies, and has clear goals in life (appropriate for their age), then the child will not have the thought of the need to 'date', whether casually or seriously.


Those who are looking out for a date at their teenage years (maybe I should spare those in their 18 or 19) may have a sense of 'unexplainable hollowness' in them (do not feel loved/understood at home, and/or lack of good friends, and/or lack of healthy activities/hobbies, and/or under peer pressure, etc) , that they need to fill it up with 'exploring' with 1-to-1 dating...

Not so sure that's the case for kids these days. My daughter had a 4 year old boy who wanted to marry her when she was 2; they were in the same preschool. And she had been coming back with all sorts of little gifts, including a rose once, from the boys in preschool. And a boy she met in a day camp at P3 told her he liked her, and even gave her something as a token of his love. By P5 or 6, she had received love letters from several boys, including one who said he wanted to marry her. Some of these boys are expat kids and most of them come from very good family (with strong family ties). And she was in a girl school. Somehow, kids these days have all sorts of fantasies about relationship.

[jtoh]

insider:

rosemummy:

Somehow, kids these days have all sorts of fantasies about relationship.

It is the first term of one of my teachers' 12 years old daughter in a top sec girls' school.

She is 'wooed' by another girl with love letters and a gift (a calculator).

When her daughter refused the gift, the 'wooer' got upset and purposely threw a tennis ball on her while they were at the court. Daughter suffered a 'ba-lu-ku' on her head.

Later that 'wooer' wrote apology letter to her etc etc.

Daughter complained to mum and mum spoke to the teacher and teacher talked to the 'wooer''s mum and now the case is still pending for a solution...

Interesting generation...

:shock:

[rosemummy]

insider:

rosemummy:

Somehow, kids these days have all sorts of fantasies about relationship.

It is the first term of one of my teachers' 12 years old daughter in a top sec girls' school.

She is 'wooed' by another girl with love letters and a gift (a calculator).

When her daughter refused the gift, the 'wooer' got upset and purposely threw a tennis ball on her while they were at the court. Daughter suffered a 'ba-lu-ku' on her head.

Later that 'wooer' wrote apology letter to her etc etc.

Daughter complained to mum and mum spoke to the teacher and teacher talked to the 'wooer''s mum and now the case is still pending for a solution...

Interesting generation...

This is quite common in all-girls secondary schools, even during our times when it wasn't all that common for girls to have boyfriends in secondary school. But I guess most of them do grow out of it.

My girl even have 2 classmates in college, both girls aged around 20, who live together as a couple. 1 of them had boyfriends previously.

Don't know where they learn such things from. Definitely can't have anything to do with the parents.

[jtoh]

What do you think of casual dating in secondary school? A friend's dd went to a co-ed secondary school and has lots of boys interested in her. Valentine's Day was a day of many roses from many parties.

[rosemummy]

jtoh:

What do you think of casual dating in secondary school? A friend's dd went to a co-ed secondary school and has lots of boys interested in her. Valentine's Day was a day of many roses from many parties.

Accept it? If you walk around Orchard Road or any neighbourhood malls on a weekday afternoon, you'll see many couples who are in school uniform (some primary schools even). I think many parents just happily assume that their teenage child is not 1 of them if the child don't tell them. I remember my daughter telling me how her classmate had several relationship when she was in P6 in an all girls school. When I talk to the girl's mum during a parent-teacher meeting, the mum was talking about how her girl just can't perform during exam due to stress, anxiety etc. She has no clue whatsover about what her girl is doing.

Anyway, if this happen early, they're probably more receptive to what parents have to say. So it's a good chance to teach them about relationship. Giving roses is very commom. My daughter even had boys giving her rings. I guess it's a stage they all go through. If the parents don't accept it, they'll still do it but keep it from you.

[sleepy]

jtoh:

What do you think of casual dating in secondary school? A friend's dd went to a co-ed secondary school and has lots of boys interested in her. Valentine's Day was a day of many roses from many parties.

Personal observation - girls who are 'popular' are surprisingly less likely to jump into serious relationship. Spoilt for choices so they tend to take their time to choose. Afterall there're always fresh supply of admirers.

At this age, just enjoy the attention la. No action required. Your friend can buy more vases to keep those roses her dd received :lol: