At what age yr child should start dating?

[teh_oh]

pixiedust:

Great post Chenonceau. Thanks for sharing.


Anyone has suggestions for moms of BOYS ? It seems odd to invite the GIRLS home for me to 'screen' :!: What's the best way for moms of BOYS to watch the BGR issue ? I am okay with casual dating, but no heavy hanky-panky and definitely not if studies are affected.

Hi pixiedust,
My younger brother has >10 over girlfriends (one at any one time; even once with someone 3 yrs older than him and once with a young 'single' mother waiting for divorce; half the time he was dumped :roll:) since secondary school before he finally settled down at age of 26. My mother invited all of them (one at any one time) home for dinner and encourage them to hang out at our place. He is never good at studies to begin with, so having girlfriends during schooling days instead made him more interested in planning his future.
I will encourage my child to bring friends home although I maintain my position that no serious dating is allowed until after JC.

[sleepy]

Actually I think it’s absolutely fine to go on casual date. Movie, makan, bookshops kind. No holding hands, no kissing, no hanky panky la.


I always tell my dd to take her time to pick & choose. Sometimes she has one track mind. Thus, my worst fear is she may think the first boy she dates is the ONE.

Going on 1 to 1 dates allow you to know a person better. And please date a few boys, not just one. It’s during the process you slowly discover what type of personalities suits you. Even if you do not find anyone suitable, at the very least you discover the characteristics you do not want.

Of course must exercise caution. Don’t continue to accept single dates from boys if they really stand no chance. Don’t lead them on or send wrong message la.

[Castle House]

Interesting Topic and a question that I will and have been ponder.. thou my eldest kid is only 6yo


I was caught surprised when he came home one day telling me that he wanted ... to be his GF... I was like then I looked at hb's direction and he just smiled..

I told him.. he is too young now to get into any relationship... not like mummy and daddy.. and feeling will change espeially now he is too young to understand what is 'love'

I am not too worry for my boy as he has nothing to lose.. as long I have met the girl.. and I am comfortable with her...

I think I will be a worrying mum when it comes to girl... and like all mummies.. I would want my girls to confide to me when they have problems.. and needed someone.. I want to be the first one they think of and can depend on..

Still a long way to think of that now as my kids are pretty young but it is just a blink of eyes.. and they have grown.. and I want to be prepared for all these.. hehe.. kiasu mum..

[fatal-illuxions]

insider:

sleepy:

Going on 1 to 1 dates allow you to know a person better. And please date a few boys, not just one. It's during the process you slowly discover what type of personalities suits you. Even if you do not find anyone suitable, at the very least you discover the characteristics you do not want.

Of course must exercise caution. Don't continue to accept single dates from boys if they really stand no chance. Don't lead them on or send wrong message la.

Errr... \"please date a few boys, not just one.\"?

For me, I can't accept this kind of 'dating'. 1-to-1 dating is something serious and if a girl does not like a boy well enough, then she should not accept a 1-to-1 date with him. 1-to-1 dating connotes some kind of 'intention' to go 'steady' and if without such 'intention', should not go out solo. I too conservative???

Also for me, no multiple 1-to-1 datings at the same time else it is flirtatious in my interpretation (how can a boy who is dating my girl also is dating someone else at the same time??).

Whether my girl or boy, they cannot anyhow date 1-to-1 unless they have the 'intention'. Group outing is the best for teenagers. In a group, get a feel of that someone then if find him/her worth exploring further, then go 1-to-1...

PS: My daughter has a boy classmate, doing multiple single dating at the same time with a few girl classmates. The outcome is disastrous... (the girls talked among themselves and the boy is being crowned a 'playboy'...)

hey hey! actually, i think SLEEPY didnt mean it the way you(INSIDER) interpreted it i think it was suppose to be, \"dont be afraid to have subsequent dates if the previous ones failed.\" and not \"have multiple dates at once\".

[sleepy]

insider:

For me, I can't accept this kind of 'dating'. 1-to-1 dating is something serious and if a girl does not like a boy well enough, then she should not accept a 1-to-1 date with him. 1-to-1 dating connotes some kind of 'intention' to go 'steady' and if without such 'intention', should not go out solo. I too conservative???

Refer my definition of casual date - 1st paragraph [Movie, makan, bookshops kind. No holding hands, no kissing, no hanky panky la.]

I won't classify a boy as her steady boyfriend just because the two of them catch a movie together. I'm fine with my dd going out with different boys to library or catch a movie.

Of course must be able to click 谈得来 then can become friends, regardless of gender Perhaps I should not even refer to this kind of outing as dating, may be confusing. Afterall, when a girl catches a movie with another girl, no one calls that a date. And a girl does watch movies with different girl friends

insider:

Also for me, no multiple 1-to-1 datings at the same time else it is flirtatious in my interpretation (how can a boy who is dating my girl also is dating someone else at the same time??).

Only when they know each other sufficiently well after a period of time, and friendship develops into love - as in they view each other as potential future partner, then it's serious dating. From that point, of course should not be going out with other boys la.

Or maybe I'm too simplistic in my thinking? You suspect boys won't think this way? Just because a girl went out on a movie with a boy, he would assume they're going steady? :!:

I guess I better find out more about teenager's definition

[phankao]

sleepy:

I won't classify a boy as her steady boyfriend just because the two of them catch a movie together. I'm fine with my dd going out with different boys to library or catch a movie.

To the question in this thread's title, my 17yo dd says \"when both are earning their own keep\". Shall i hold her to it? haha!

[cnimed]

Hm, I agree with sleepy and her definition of casual date. It is all an explorative journey. However I don’t however think it is necessary for boys to foot the bill on these casual dates. After all they are both students and living off pocket money, not their own money. They can pay when they are actually working.


Insider, I think your definition of dating would already state intent. E.g I would expect my son to send his girlfriend home. I would not expect him to send a girl with whom he went out for a casual outing home.

And shouldn’t teenage stage exactly be the time for such casual outings? I would not want them to have such great expectations of love and dating during the volatile period of teenhood.

[sleepy]

insider:

Em... I don't think it is necessary for a teenage boy and a girl to go out for 1-to-1 'casual outing' unless they are real buddies (like me when in sec school where boys would take me also like a boy more than a girl. We went out more like 'brothers' instead of like a boy and a girl).

Hey, dh is one of my buddies :lol:

We were best friends for quite a while & I didn't notice he carries a torch for me. While I go on 'casual outing', he even offered his guy's perspective. Come to think of it, he's rather shrewd, became my buddy so that he can continue to hang around me.

He's very amused that with so many bees buzzing around me, I never had a boyfriend. And he also knew me well enough that I do not fall in love easily so he would rather not join the admirers camp. If I view him as one of my admirers, I would be more cautious & would stop seeing him totally in order not to lead him on.

We had a strong friendship foundation to begin with. So when he announced that he's going to woo me officially, our BGR progressed smoothly. Although it took me another few months to slowly see him in a different light la.



Heehee, we should start a separate thread on 'how you meet your spouse'

[sleepy]

insider:

Interesting article:


Get to know lots of people – By getting too serious too soon you cut yourself off from other relationships. Don’t be in too much of a hurry to have a girlfriend or boyfriend. Date a lot of different people and have fun.

That's what I was advocating earlier. [Please date (casual outing with) a few boys, not just one. ]

deminc:

And shouldn't teenage stage exactly be the time for such casual outings? I would not want them to have such great expectations of love and dating during the volatile period of teenhood.

Yes, I think so too. It's an exploration age. They are still immatured. Yet to see the world. There's no need to rush into any serious relationship.


My ex-classmate went on a date with the first boy who asked her out, decided she's in love, became a couple 2 weeks after they met, and got married months later. Then divorced leow. She's badly hurt emotionally. On hindsight, she said she was inexperienced, never dated before. So long a guy pays her attention, she assumes she found the ONE.

If she gave herself more time to slowly explore what she's looking for in a future partner, perhaps went on more casual outing, instead of diving into a serious relationship right away with the first boy she dated, could have save her some heartache.

[sleepy]

insider:

Sleepy, am curious that you will encourage your girl / boy when they are 15 or 16 to go for multiple single 'casual datings' for 'explorations'? This 'dinosaur' here think is unthinkable to encourage children at this age to do so...

I never say I encourage that at 15 o 16 le :scratchhead:
My point is don't dive into a serious relationship right way. Take your time to pick & choose.

However, I won't make a big fuss if she tells me she's going library with a boy classmate. It's a non-event in my opinion. There's no need to make a big deal out of it.


I had my first boyfriend (dh) at age 24. Hopefully my girls took my cue