How to develop self motivation in children?

[Busymom]

Vevey:

I'm not sure how old is your DD but for DS1 who is in P2, I'd threatened & did indeed skip his pte piano lesson for the next wk when he had not been practising enough (fortunately, his teacher is flexible ).
His incentive for practising is occasional applause & of cos, the piano lessons that we paid for. He can always stop learning piano if he doesn't wish to practise. :lol:

My DD is P1. I did think about that... but just hesitant to adopt the method. Just thinking about myself, when I was young and learning to play piano, my mom was my teacher. I started at 5 and stopped 1 year later. Another year later, I asked my mom to teach me again, promising to be more diligent. This time, I continued till the end, but still not a very diligent student along the way... :oops:

She is due to take her grade 2 end of this year, am hoping that the exam would motivate her to work more conscientiously as she is the type who likes to do well...

Besides, if DD doesn't want to do something and we just stop the lesson, wouldn't this lead her to think that this is the best way to get out of any unwanted lesson/course in future?

Vevey:

As for sch work, well, it's his name that is written on the worksheets, it's him who went up the stage to receive the prizes, not me. So, he has to b the 1 who is responsible abt his work, definitely not me.

On the other hand, I do not load him w any assessment bk, as they r such a bore (to me! :lol: ). I prefer to just explain any difficult qn from sch & then set a few similar qns just to make sure he really understands. I'll check back & if need to, refresh his memory on these b4 sch tests.

I don't have much issue with her school work. I don't give her any assessment book as well, but she has external enrichment like CMA, Learning Lab, etc. I have asked her if she wants to drop anything. The answer is always no. However, we always have to remind her to do the homework from these enrichment classes. Am wondering if I should deliberately not remind her once and let her face the \"consequence\"? Only thing is, these are not her school teachers. Don't think the impact of missing some of the enrichment homework would have as great an impact as compared to school work.

On her CMA, there was a stage when she was about 5+, probably half a year after she started lessons with them. She didn't want to attend the lessons anymore. I can understand that she was starting to find the lesson dry and uninteresting. This remains till today, the only class that she had ever not wanted to attend. We told her that we had already paid for the entire term. At the very least, she should attend till the end of the term. Apart from that, we also changed the lesson from a weekday late afternoon to a weekend morning. There was a change of teacher as well. Fortunately, she continued with the course till today (guess we were quite lucky with her) and she now realises the benefit of the course... but she isn't always keen on doing the homework - still need some pushing.

Chenonceau or anyone, any tip?

[Busymom]

Funz:

I showed her clips of kids playing those pieces and told her I want to be able to post a clip of her playing those pieces on facebook so that all my friends can view her playing. She likes to perform and loves an audience so that is a motivation for DD.

I have shown her youtube clips of kids playing piano and violin too. These days, she is more shy and doesn't want us to even video her playing. :stupid:

Funz:

DS is a different story. He only started learning a month ago as I could not get the teacher to fit him into her schedule. He needs to do finger exercises and is not playing full songs yet. As such he does not find it interesting. I am not pushing him yet, just 5 mins is all I am asking of him and he will do it. But need to nag him into it. I am hoping that as he progresses, he will be more motivated.

For my DS, getting him to practise is even harder... I shall see as he is due to start on JMC (from Yamaha) next month. Just yesterday, I have bought some really nice Runabout stickers to paste each time he does his violin. Again, will see if this will work long term.

[Busymom]

sleepy:

2. Sell the concept 先苦后甜

The drive to succeed can only come from within the child. The point to drive across is to work hard now 先苦后甜. At least with the right attitude, there's a chance the child would make it in life.

How to get a 4yo to understand this? A bit like I tell him to take the bitter medicine first and then give he a sweet after that. He tells me he doesn't want either!

[Busymom]

tisha:

That will completely defeat the purpose, isn't it? Self motivation is not about dangling carrots, is it?

I agree with you it is not. And because it is not schoolwork, it is a bit hard for me to do reverse psychology as what some suggested.

By the way, what does your son aspire to be or work as when he is grown up?

[Busymom]

Chenonceau:

For Mommies with Toddlers
For parents with younger children, you may wish to note that little children do not have a defined self-concept. You are the the Chief Architect of their self-concepts.

Your child believes what you say of him. They are not at an age where their psyche is strong enough to deny the negative self you show to them, if you decide to do so. If you say the kid is naughty often enough, and you pick up on naughty things often enough, you design the notion \"naughty\" into his self-concept. It's a bit like showing a baby a reflection of himself with horns drawn on his head. He believes the reflection of himself in your eyes. It is never too early to begin to design elements of the self-concept that predispose the child to academic excellence
- intelligent
- diligent
- likes to learn things
- determined
- not afraid to fail

:goodpost: Chenonceau. Thanks for sharing the above with us here. All the while, I have known that we should not call our children naughty, and hence I was really fed up with FIL once while staying with us, he kept saying to DS that he was naughty. However, I have not gone further to think about the other self-concepts which is about being diligent, determined, like to learn things, etc. Interesting.

:thankyou:

[Busymom]

satyagraha:

if your girl is the one who requested for the lessons, then let her take ownership. If she doesn't practice, I'm sure she'll get a earful from her teacher right? If her teacher is the super soft & kind type, you might wanna consider sync-ing up with her beforehand. Ask her to come down a little harder on her.


A few weeks of irregular practice & facing a black-faced teacher might do her good. Have you tried stepping back on nagging her to practice and just let her \"see\" the outcome of her less than sufficient effort?

I started her with the lessons, so technically, she didn't request for it. Now that she is older, I have asked her if she wants to drop it, she said no. At the same time, she has piano and she doesn't want to stop that either. She could even come to me and tells me that she wants to join Chinese Orchestra in school, learns cello, learns chess... I tell her she can't be doing and learning so many things all at once!

Her violin teacher is the super kind and doesn't scold type. Strong believer of Suzuki methods... what can I say.

DD can \"see\" the outcome of her less than sufficient efforts. We used to be in a group class of 3 girls and the competition there in a way pushed her to be more diligent. Ever since we have been in 1-1 lessons, her progress has taken a step back.

[mistychances]

Hi Chenonceau


\"\"Humanities People Can't Handle Math \"\"

Thank you for sharing your insight I so totally agree with you. I'll keep reminding myself to watch out for signs of self concept, both for myself n my kids.

A while back, I caught an episode of 早安你好. The topic was on Learning Chinese Language. The guest speaker said \"there is no child who is born to hate Chinese, it is thru our environment, that makes him think that he is not good at it & thus he starts to dislike it.\"

Thank you I'll have to be much much more patient with DS May the force be with me

[tisha]

Busymom:

tisha:

That will completely defeat the purpose, isn't it? Self motivation is not about dangling carrots, is it?

I agree with you it is not. And because it is not schoolwork, it is a bit hard for me to do reverse psychology as what some suggested.

By the way, what does your son aspire to be or work as when he is grown up?

His whims and fancies keep changing :lol:
Never discussed this seriously so far, too early I believe.

[Chenonceau]

rosemummy:

When I started working as a fresh graduate, I was heading a team comprising of men twice my age. They've been working there from since the time I was born. I've tried various ways to motivate them, sending them for courses, empowering them, giving them opportunities to handle more challenging work etc. But they're not performing and the younger staff follow suit. They got away with it because in those days, the company just don't fire or give warning for poor performance. The dead wood just got carried along.

Rosemummy... teehee... to develop a motivation recipe, I need more details than what you gave me. I need JDs, info about previous boss, info about org structure etc... However, part of a good org motivation system needs to be a system component that punishes poor performance or undesirable behavior. It is bad practice to over use it but it has to be there and people need to know that it's there.

Else, bad behavior or lazy performance itself holds inherent joys e.g., stealing lines employee pockets. If it isn't at the same time associated with a strong RIVP, then the financial incentive will naturally incentivise stealing. Lazy performance gives people more time for leisure, and without a strong RIVP, it too will naturally incentivise laziness.

With that component in place, you can layer on the other strategies... It's easier. I won't say that it's impossible to motivate people without the component in place, but it takes a lot more thought, creativity and skill to play with other strategies. Still possible... but more difficult. It turns from a straightforward math problem to a very tricky one.

But well... all that was in the past, so resolving the problem has no practical value anymore. So heehee... no point putting time to solving this. You might like this video though... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc&feature=player_embedded#at=12 just for fun.

[Chenonceau]

Busymom:

Vevey:

I'm not sure how old is your DD but for DS1 who is in P2, I'd threatened & did indeed skip his pte piano lesson for the next wk when he had not been practising enough (fortunately, his teacher is flexible ).

Yup! I did almost the same for DS' Kumon class (sans threatening - because the situation was different, I didn't have to threaten, but I do threaten in other instances). I asked if he wanted to quit. He wanted, so I let him quit. Then after that, for 2 years, I went about inserting one comment here and a comment there (in casual conversation) whenever his sister came home top in class for Math that Kumon is a robust program. In P4, he asked to go back there, and he has been relatively more diligent... and only needs reminding to do Kumon practice.

My DD is P1. I did think about that... but just hesitant to adopt the method. Just thinking about myself, when I was young and learning to play piano, my mom was my teacher. I started at 5 and stopped 1 year later. Another year later, I asked my mom to teach me again, promising to be more diligent. This time, I continued till the end, but still not a very diligent student along the way... :oops: Your mom gave you a true and sincere choice.

Besides, if DD doesn't want to do something and we just stop the lesson, wouldn't this lead her to think that this is the best way to get out of any unwanted lesson/course in future? You can take one step back and then 2 steps forward later? Give in now... and then set up the situation so that your DD regrets having opted out. Like my son opted outta Kumon, and then regretted when he saw his sister's success. You gotta be a little sneaky here and careful not to overdo it. If she catches on to your scheme, it ain't gonna work.

Vevey:

As for sch work, well, it's his name that is written on the worksheets, it's him who went up the stage to receive the prizes, not me. So, he has to b the 1 who is responsible abt his work, definitely not me. Yes... accountability is a key construct of a very old and well supported motivation theory.

I don't have much issue with her school work. I don't give her any assessment book as well, but she has external enrichment like CMA, Learning Lab, etc. I have asked her if she wants to drop anything. The answer is always no. You gave her a choice here, eh?

However, we always have to remind her to do the homework from these enrichment classes. Am wondering if I should deliberately not remind her once and let her face the \"consequence\"? Why not? Try lor... and see how. Hee!

...but she isn't always keen on doing the homework - still need some pushing
no matter how diligent the child, they need a bit of reminding here and there... they're kids still, and find the workaholic lifestyle of Singaporean parents and kids highly unnatural (heh! my view hor...)

Chenonceau or anyone, any tip?