How to develop self motivation in children?
-
satyagraha:
I started her with the lessons, so technically, she didn't request for it. Now that she is older, I have asked her if she wants to drop it, she said no. At the same time, she has piano and she doesn't want to stop that either. She could even come to me and tells me that she wants to join Chinese Orchestra in school, learns cello, learns chess... I tell her she can't be doing and learning so many things all at once!if your girl is the one who requested for the lessons, then let her take ownership. If she doesn't practice, I'm sure she'll get a earful from her teacher right? If her teacher is the super soft & kind type, you might wanna consider sync-ing up with her beforehand. Ask her to come down a little harder on her.
A few weeks of irregular practice & facing a black-faced teacher might do her good. Have you tried stepping back on nagging her to practice and just let her \"see\" the outcome of her less than sufficient effort?
Her violin teacher is the super kind and doesn't scold type. Strong believer of Suzuki methods... what can I say.
DD can \"see\" the outcome of her less than sufficient efforts. We used to be in a group class of 3 girls and the competition there in a way pushed her to be more diligent. Ever since we have been in 1-1 lessons, her progress has taken a step back. -
Hi Chenonceau
\"\"Humanities People Can't Handle Math \"\"
Thank you for sharing your insight
I so totally agree with you. I'll keep reminding myself to watch out for signs of self concept, both for myself n my kids.
A while back, I caught an episode of 早安你好. The topic was on Learning Chinese Language. The guest speaker said \"there is no child who is born to hate Chinese, it is thru our environment, that makes him think that he is not good at it & thus he starts to dislike it.\"
Thank you I'll have to be much much more patient with DS May the force be with me 
-
Busymom:
His whims and fancies keep changing :lol:
I agree with you it is not. And because it is not schoolwork, it is a bit hard for me to do reverse psychology as what some suggested.tisha:
That will completely defeat the purpose, isn't it? Self motivation is not about dangling carrots, is it?
By the way, what does your son aspire to be or work as when he is grown up?
Never discussed this seriously so far, too early I believe. -
rosemummy:
Rosemummy... teehee... to develop a motivation recipe, I need more details than what you gave me. I need JDs, info about previous boss, info about org structure etc... However, part of a good org motivation system needs to be a system component that punishes poor performance or undesirable behavior. It is bad practice to over use it but it has to be there and people need to know that it's there.When I started working as a fresh graduate, I was heading a team comprising of men twice my age. They've been working there from since the time I was born. I've tried various ways to motivate them, sending them for courses, empowering them, giving them opportunities to handle more challenging work etc. But they're not performing and the younger staff follow suit. They got away with it because in those days, the company just don't fire or give warning for poor performance. The dead wood just got carried along.
Else, bad behavior or lazy performance itself holds inherent joys e.g., stealing lines employee pockets. If it isn't at the same time associated with a strong RIVP, then the financial incentive will naturally incentivise stealing. Lazy performance gives people more time for leisure, and without a strong RIVP, it too will naturally incentivise laziness.
With that component in place, you can layer on the other strategies... It's easier. I won't say that it's impossible to motivate people without the component in place, but it takes a lot more thought, creativity and skill to play with other strategies. Still possible... but more difficult. It turns from a straightforward math problem to a very tricky one.
But well... all that was in the past, so resolving the problem has no practical value anymore. So heehee... no point putting time to solving this. You might like this video though... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc&feature=player_embedded#at=12 just for fun. -
Busymom:
Yup! I did almost the same for DS' Kumon class (sans threatening - because the situation was different, I didn't have to threaten, but I do threaten in other instances). I asked if he wanted to quit. He wanted, so I let him quit. Then after that, for 2 years, I went about inserting one comment here and a comment there (in casual conversation) whenever his sister came home top in class for Math that Kumon is a robust program. In P4, he asked to go back there, and he has been relatively more diligent... and only needs reminding to do Kumon practice.Vevey:
I'm not sure how old is your DD but for DS1 who is in P2, I'd threatened & did indeed skip his pte piano lesson for the next wk when he had not been practising enough (fortunately, his teacher is flexible ).
My DD is P1. I did think about that... but just hesitant to adopt the method. Just thinking about myself, when I was young and learning to play piano, my mom was my teacher. I started at 5 and stopped 1 year later. Another year later, I asked my mom to teach me again, promising to be more diligent. This time, I continued till the end, but still not a very diligent student along the way... :oops: Your mom gave you a true and sincere choice.
Besides, if DD doesn't want to do something and we just stop the lesson, wouldn't this lead her to think that this is the best way to get out of any unwanted lesson/course in future? You can take one step back and then 2 steps forward later? Give in now... and then set up the situation so that your DD regrets having opted out. Like my son opted outta Kumon, and then regretted when he saw his sister's success. You gotta be a little sneaky here and careful not to overdo it. If she catches on to your scheme, it ain't gonna work.Vevey:
As for sch work, well, it's his name that is written on the worksheets, it's him who went up the stage to receive the prizes, not me. So, he has to b the 1 who is responsible abt his work, definitely not me.
Yes... accountability is a key construct of a very old and well supported motivation theory.
I don't have much issue with her school work. I don't give her any assessment book as well, but she has external enrichment like CMA, Learning Lab, etc. I have asked her if she wants to drop anything. The answer is always no. You gave her a choice here, eh?
However, we always have to remind her to do the homework from these enrichment classes. Am wondering if I should deliberately not remind her once and let her face the \"consequence\"? Why not? Try lor... and see how. Hee!
...but she isn't always keen on doing the homework - still need some pushing
no matter how diligent the child, they need a bit of reminding here and there... they're kids still, and find the workaholic lifestyle of Singaporean parents and kids highly unnatural (heh! my view hor...)
Chenonceau or anyone, any tip? -
Tisha...
Assumption 1: Pip has a dead engine vis-a-vis Math
Assumption 2: Pip has a flat battery vis-a-vis Math
The normal way to start a car is to turn the key. The normal way to ignite self-motivation is to give choice... a true and sincere and respectful choice, as I have suggested in busymom's case above. If the child chooses something of own free will, and says it, self-motivation is ignited. It may be a small, and not very powerful ignition, but the engine is on.
However, if Pip has a flat battery, we have to bypass the key and the battery and jumpstart the engine. Then let the engine charge the battery.
In such cases, we DO NOT GIVE choices. You see now what I mean when I say there is no one size fits all. Sometimes, giving choices will work. Other times, it won't. In this case, if my assumptions are accurate, Pip will NEVER willingly choose to do Math. Hence, we have to FORCE A GOAL... (right, I can already hear people fall down in a dead faint at the notion of such an evil act as FORCING a child to do something).
However, when a goal is forced, you need to choose a highly manageable, almost TOO EASY goal. This is not the correct time to use IMPOSSIBLE GOALS. There is another vastly different situation for that. Tell your child that you don't care what school or teacher says and that success is defined by you, and how happy you are. My DS is poor in Chinese so I told him \"Success is defined by me, not your marks. I will tell you what is Success in Chinese. You follow me, and success will come. I promise.\" Then you set easy goals like…. complete 4 problem sums a day and get them right. Then it is up to you to research and choose the sums that are easy enough to solve. When he solves them, CELEBRATE.
Ok... I am NOT sure success will come but I am too chicken to tell my son that. If I have no hope, he also won't. Even if I have no hope, I pretend to have it so that he can feed off my hope.
Try not to reward with a toy or money. Both are touchable, feelable THINGS. These things stimulate good feelings that are too strongly associated with the thing. You want to create a general mood of happiness that can be associated with MATH. If a touchable, seeable toy is present, it will attract the association, and then you will not succeed in building up positive feelings toward Math. Hence, try to use intangibles to create the good feeling... hugs, praises, your own pride shining from your eyes (go put eyeliner and make your eyes SHINE) or a shared game of Monopoly replete with giggles and tickles. You want your child to be self-motivated at Math, you need to get your child to FEEL positively about Math.
I create these feelings in my son for Chinese by (1) squealing loudly at every cheem phrase he has mastered (2) telling him “Whoa! You so smart! I’m so IMPRESSED by your knowledge of Chinese. Mommy is a Chinese Idiot (and a Math Idiot). Thanks for teaching me something!!!! Man! I am impressed!”
Create good feelings of joy and pride by setting (1) easy goals and (2) celebrating their achievement.
Face it, motivation is not about being rational. If people were rational, why does char kway teow with plenty of lard sell so well? Motivation is about FEELING that you wanna do something. No sense telling the kid roadsweeper stories or stories about poverty. This appeals to LOGIC. Only the rare person is all logic. Most people are DRIVEN by feeling. The operative word is “drive”. Just try and set up experiences and associations that convince the child he is good at and likes something a bit, and you will see some drive.
Once you have given your kid enough feelings of success, consider that there is a spark of fire already. THEN, you start to allow him to choose. His battery is no longer flat. Every time your child chooses a math activity and does it, it strengthens his commitment. Commitment is necessary in any endeavour that involves self-motivation.
It may help to set subordinate goals (i.e., small goals that add up to large one) at the start. These goals have to be specific. Example, 4 problem sums a day or 10 MCQ a day.... every Monday and Tuesday. This sets up a routine. Humans are creatures of habit. Once a routine is in place, there is less resistance to the various activities within the routine. You may not have powerful motivation, but you won't have resistance.
This should be enough to occupy you for a while eh… Tisha? Do be sure to adapt advice to your situation. If you feel that something I say won't work, it probably won't. You're the MOMMY, I'm only a so called \"expert\". Mommy knows best because Mommy knows the situation best. Motivation strategies only work when applied to the right situation.
Feel free to adapt/reject anything in this post because if I am wrong, I don't suffer. You do and your child. I have been wrong before to the detriment of clients and I don't feel good about that.
I kinda reckon that the beginning will be very difficult. You are trying to light a spark where there was no spark... sometimes there is a spark but it doesn't catch and the fire goes out quickly. You have to try and try again... and be very patient. -
:goodpost: Chenonceau
I'm going to try your method with getting my DS to read aloud (I suspect it might be a flat engine :roll: ).
-
Just to share an experiment that I just did on DS1 (P2) here...
He is expected (by his teacher) to memorize his Chinese Show & Tell script & to make matter worse this time, it is abt his fav story bk. Based on teacher's guidelines, it's more than just summarising the story, but to add in all the why he likes the book, the character etc & what does he learn from it etc...
I did an experiment on him after working on the script w him last week. This Mon, I gave him the edited script & told him to familiarise himself w it. He was not motivated & could only read it in a bored voice w numerous errors.
I was not free on Tue, so no progress on his end either.
Then this a.m, I sat him down & show him on a calender that he had exactly 12 days to practise & perfect it. I broke the script into 6 more or less equal portions & advised him to learn 1 new portion a day w revision on previous day(s)' work. Then, hopefully by 7th day onwards, we have 6 more days for polishing his speech & handling of props etc. I also need to buffer for busy/non-productive days.
He was quite worried abt not having enough time & not being able to memorise it but I gave him my assurance.
True enough, abt 5min of memorising e 3 lines later, he was able to give a good & expressive recital & was v pleased w himself.
Hope he can keep this up! -
Chenonceau:
Thanks, Chenonceau, for your insights.
Rosemummy... teehee... to develop a motivation recipe, I need more details than what you gave me. I need JDs, info about previous boss, info about org structure etc... However, part of a good org motivation system needs to be a system component that punishes poor performance or undesirable behavior. It is bad practice to over use it but it has to be there and people need to know that it's there.rosemummy:
When I started working as a fresh graduate, I was heading a team comprising of men twice my age. They've been working there from since the time I was born. I've tried various ways to motivate them, sending them for courses, empowering them, giving them opportunities to handle more challenging work etc. But they're not performing and the younger staff follow suit. They got away with it because in those days, the company just don't fire or give warning for poor performance. The dead wood just got carried along.
Else, bad behavior or lazy performance itself holds inherent joys e.g., stealing lines employee pockets. If it isn't at the same time associated with a strong RIVP, then the financial incentive will naturally incentivise stealing. Lazy performance gives people more time for leisure, and without a strong RIVP, it too will naturally incentivise laziness.
With that component in place, you can layer on the other strategies... It's easier. I won't say that it's impossible to motivate people without the component in place, but it takes a lot more thought, creativity and skill to play with other strategies. Still possible... but more difficult. It turns from a straightforward math problem to a very tricky one.
But well... all that was in the past, so resolving the problem has no practical value anymore. So heehee... no point putting time to solving this. You might like this video though... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc&feature=player_embedded#at=12 just for fun.
I've watched the video before. I'm not sure if it's universally true that paying people enough money is sufficient. It is in some cases, when people can find greater meaning to their job or feel altruistic doing it eg teachers and social workers. Definitely didn't work in investment banking, though Lloyd Blankfein thinks we're doing God's work. There're people who are motivated by greed and self interest.
As for my first employer, yes, it's in the past and the problem is not there to be resolved anymore. It's not that there's no punishment for undesirable behavior. In fact, it's a well-oiled bureaucrecy with very well laid out precedures for such cases. There's even a department with about 10 people to just look at the process and update the rule book. Unfortunately, the practice is otherwise. The middle management does not have the moral courage to exercise it. The staff knew they could get away with it so long as they don't do something really serious like stealing. You can get away with honest mistakes, even if it's done recklessly. I'm not sure what can be done by the junior management to motivate the staff in such cases, but I guess this is academic because someone like that is unlikely to be able to keep his job for long these days. But not punishing poor performers is definitely a poor practice. The junior management staff didn't feel too motivated. The scholars are talking about how much we need to pay back if we break our bond, or counting down to the day we're free. Well, sharing that cos I thought there's probably something we can learn from it as managers. Not sure how that applies to parenting though. -
Chenonceau:
Your mom gave you a true and sincere choice.
Maybe because it is just music. To her, it was to give me another career option in case I didn't do well in my studies. Even though I eventually asked her to teach me again, I wasn't really very motivated to do well in piano... fortunately, I didn't need that career option.
Another one of my sisters dropped off piano too after a short while. She never picked it up again.Chenonceau:
Agree. There is no point forcing anyone to attend a lesson that he thoroughly hates. If my child rejects a class, I will try to understand the reason - the class, teacher, subject itself or classmates - and act accordingly. If all else fails, it is probably time to take that one step back.You can take one step back and then 2 steps forward later? Give in now... and then set up the situation so that your DD regrets having opted out. Like my son opted outta Kumon, and then regretted when he saw his sister's success. You gotta be a little sneaky here and careful not to overdo it. If she catches on to your scheme, it ain't gonna work.
Chenonceau:
She probably has too many things right now, so yes, if she doesn't want any of those classes, we would let her drop. BUT she wants all... just that we need to keep reminding her to do the homework.You gave her a choice here, eh?
Chenonceau:
Life is full of trial and error, isn't it? Will share my experience on her tingxie from a Chinese enrichment another day....Am wondering if I should deliberately not remind her once and let her face the \"consequence\"? Why not? Try lor... and see how. Hee!
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login