How to develop self motivation in children?

[Chenonceau]

rosemummy:

It's not that there's no punishment for undesirable behavior. In fact, it's a well-oiled bureaucrecy with very well laid out precedures for such cases. There's even a department with about 10 people to just look at the process and update the rule book. Unfortunately, the practice is otherwise.

I suppose that is as good dun have... could you possibly have created your own RIVP then? One of my clients was in roughly the same situation. She found her own way to muscle the fellow (about 50-ish and stubborn and underperforming Head of Something) into an early retirement. Everyone else shaped up after that. The big headache left. She promoted others and transferred others in... culture changed... organisational energy went up and KPI improved quite a bit.

I guess there are some crossovers to parenting because whichever the branch of psychology, you're still reading and drawing components from the same body of basic research. Tee hee! RIVP is RIVP no matter if you're caning or sacking someone.

It's interesting that you raise the issue of crossover. I'm sorry I didn't think of that. Too focused on helping Tisha with her P6 child... I suppose the idea we can transfer over to children is that punishment does have its place in our panoply of strategies to manage children/staff. We may not like it. It seems evil. But sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. If my client hadn't managed the person out... so many others would have suffered, and some who would have suffered would have been innocent and needed help. After all, it WAS civil service.

If we don't RIVP our kids, then they mayn't grow up right, and then we do them a disservice.

There is no need to over use such awful measures but they have to be available and used properly when absolutely necessary.

[Chenonceau]

tisha:

Vevey:

Just to share an experiment that I just did on DS1 (P2) here...


He is expected (by his teacher) to memorize his Chinese Show & Tell script & to make matter worse this time, it is abt his fav story bk. Based on teacher's guidelines, it's more than just summarising the story, but to add in all the why he likes the book, the character etc & what does he learn from it etc...

I did an experiment on him after working on the script w him last week. This Mon, I gave him the edited script & told him to familiarise himself w it. He was not motivated & could only read it in a bored voice w numerous errors.

I was not free on Tue, so no progress on his end either.

Then this a.m, I sat him down & show him on a calender that he had exactly 12 days to practise & perfect it. I broke the script into 6 more or less equal portions & advised him to learn 1 new portion a day w revision on previous day(s)' work. Then, hopefully by 7th day onwards, we have 6 more days for polishing his speech & handling of props etc. I also need to buffer for busy/non-productive days.

He was quite worried abt not having enough time & not being able to memorise it but I gave him my assurance.
True enough, abt 5min of memorising e 3 lines later, he was able to give a good & expressive recital & was v pleased w himself.

Hope he can keep this up!

Vevey,
Sometimes the kids are just overwhelmed by a huge task which puts them off totally. I think it was a great idea to break down the task into manageable portions.
:celebrate:

Yup! I second that!!

[tisha]

wonderm:

Chenonceau,


Thank you for sharing! It was really a pleasure to read and learn.

I seem to be able to motivate my boys but I won't be able to put down in words so well as you.

My ds1 didn't do very well for P5 SA2 and I tried to help him in P6 to prepare for PSLE, I was using exactly your method \"success is defined by me and you WILL BE successful by just following me\". I wasn't really sure as that was my first encountering with PSLE myself but as an adult, I had to sound confident. Again like you suggested, I worked together with him with very small and achievable goals. Half way through, he started to gain confidence and felt good about how he was doing. I still remember one day before his prelim, he asked \"am I really going to be ok if I just carry on doing this way?\" I reassured him. The entire process of getting ready for PSLE was almost stress-free and enjoyable and the bonding between us certainly improved.

The good news is that he did do well and got into his dream school. He is in Sec 3 now, much more indepedent but he still values my advice and consults me often about school work and other activities.

To me, the best way to motivate a child is to break down big goals into small actionable tasks and be there to help him achieve them if possible. Simply saying how important is PSLE or give general remarks like \"you must work hard\", will only make the child feel stressed or feel like giving up.

Thanks for sharing your success story wonderm, it gives us hope. :hugs:

[rosemummy]

Chenonceau:

rosemummy:

I'm not sure if it's universally true that paying people enough money is sufficient.

Hi hi... is it the same video you watched 'cos my video says that paying people is insufficient to motivate them? Can I clarify that that is what you meant?

I'm referring to the last part where he talk about paying people enough to get money out of the equation.

[rosemummy]

Chenonceau:

rosemummy:

It's not that there's no punishment for undesirable behavior. In fact, it's a well-oiled bureaucrecy with very well laid out precedures for such cases. There's even a department with about 10 people to just look at the process and update the rule book. Unfortunately, the practice is otherwise.

I suppose that is as good dun have... could you possibly have created your own RIVP then? One of my clients was in roughly the same situation. She found her own way to muscle the fellow (about 50-ish and stubborn and underperforming Head of Something) into an early retirement. Everyone else shaped up after that. The big headache left. She promoted others and transferred others in... culture changed... organisational energy went up and KPI improved quite a bit.

I guess there are some crossovers to parenting because whichever the branch of psychology, you're still reading and drawing components from the same body of basic research. Tee hee! RIVP is RIVP no matter if you're caning or sacking someone.

I guess a little tough then. They pay about the same bonus for everyone, regardless of performance. And I wasn't senior enough then. But I did extend the probation of a new staff who joined them in what they were doing. They did sit up a little after that, but not much. They knew they were long serving, confirmed staff and it's hard for me to justify doing anything to them if they were not found to be unacceptable in the previous 20 years. And honestly, I personally didn't want to have them sacked - they're rank and file staff, middle age men with a family to support. I was hoping to be able to help them to move up instead of ending up in the state they eventually find themselves in.

[Chenonceau]

rosemummy:

Chenonceau:

[quote=\"rosemummy\"]I'm not sure if it's universally true that paying people enough money is sufficient.

Hi hi... is it the same video you watched 'cos my video says that paying people is insufficient to motivate them? Can I clarify that that is what you meant?

I'm referring to the last part where he talk about paying people enough to get money out of the equation.[/quote]Rosemummy... eh sorry... I'm still a bit confused. I don't quite see your point. You agree or disagree with the notion that you gotta pay people enough money to stop them worrying about basic needs?

I agree with the fella that you gotta pay people enough to get money worries outta the way. BUT that is not enough to motivate. It's like saying to kids \"I feed you enough so I am motivating you to like school\". It is necessary to pay enough, but cannot expect HUGE motivational force through pay alone.

Is that what you mean?

[Chenonceau]

rosemummy:

Chenonceau:

[quote=\"rosemummy\"]It's not that there's no punishment for undesirable behavior. In fact, it's a well-oiled bureaucrecy with very well laid out precedures for such cases. There's even a department with about 10 people to just look at the process and update the rule book. Unfortunately, the practice is otherwise.

I suppose that is as good dun have... could you possibly have created your own RIVP then? One of my clients was in roughly the same situation. She found her own way to muscle the fellow (about 50-ish and stubborn and underperforming Head of Something) into an early retirement. Everyone else shaped up after that. The big headache left. She promoted others and transferred others in... culture changed... organisational energy went up and KPI improved quite a bit.

I guess there are some crossovers to parenting because whichever the branch of psychology, you're still reading and drawing components from the same body of basic research. Tee hee! RIVP is RIVP no matter if you're caning or sacking someone.

I guess a little tough then. They pay about the same bonus for everyone, regardless of performance. And I wasn't senior enough then. But I did extend the probation of a new staff who joined them in what they were doing. They did sit up a little after that, but not much. They knew they were long serving, confirmed staff and it's hard for me to justify doing anything to them if they were not found to be unacceptable in the previous 20 years. And honestly, I personally didn't want to have them sacked - they're rank and file staff, middle age men with a family to support. I was hoping to be able to help them to move up instead of ending up in the state they eventually find themselves in.[/quote]Oh yucks then... but well... you were new too and all... we can't win 'em all I guess not.

[rosemummy]

Chenonceau:

I guess there are some crossovers to parenting because whichever the branch of psychology, you're still reading and drawing components from the same body of basic research. Tee hee! RIVP is RIVP no matter if you're caning or sacking someone.


It's interesting that you raise the issue of crossover. I'm sorry I didn't think of that. Too focused on helping Tisha with her P6 child... I suppose the idea we can transfer over to children is that punishment does have its place in our panoply of strategies to manage children/staff. We may not like it. It seems evil. But sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. If my client hadn't managed the person out... so many others would have suffered, and some who would have suffered would have been innocent and needed help. After all, it WAS civil service.

If we don't RIVP our kids, then they mayn't grow up right, and then we do them a disservice.

There is no need to over use such awful measures but they have to be available and used properly when absolutely necessary.

Would we interesting to discuss further how our professional experience can be used to motivate our children. At the end of the day, we're preparing them for the real world after all the exams.

[Chenonceau]

wonderm:

I still remember one day before his prelim, he asked \"am I really going to be ok if I just carry on doing this way?\" I reassured him. The entire process of getting ready for PSLE was almost stress-free and enjoyable and the bonding between us certainly improved.

This is such a heartwarming tale... :love: :love: If you think of anything else, do share... because I really think Tisha needs help. It's no fun being a P6 parent!! :stupid: :stupid: :stupid:

[rosemummy]

Chenonceau:

rosemummy:

[quote=\"Chenonceau\"]
Hi hi... is it the same video you watched 'cos my video says that paying people is insufficient to motivate them? Can I clarify that that is what you meant?

I'm referring to the last part where he talk about paying people enough to get money out of the equation.

Rosemummy... eh sorry... I'm still a bit confused. I don't quite see your point. You agree or disagree with the notion that you gotta pay people enough money to stop them worrying about basic needs?

I agree with the fella that you gotta pay people enough to get money worries outta the way. BUT that is not enough to motivate. It's like saying to kids \"I feed you enough so I am motivating you to like school\". It is necessary to pay enough, but cannot expect HUGE motivational force through pay alone.

Is that what you mean?[/quote]I believe what he says is that up to a certain level, money doesn't or is insufficient to motivate. I agree that this is the case for some, or possibly quite a lot of people. But money, and lots of it, had been a huge, in fact, the sole, motivating factor in investment banking. That's greed and there's also a lot of people who are greedy. To some people, money is never enough. What is considered a luxury to some may be considered basic to others. The amount needed to get money worries out of the way varies greatly between different people. A recent study shows that this amount to comfortably retire could be in the region of US$8 mil.