In-law problems?
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vivienpg,
Maybe you can consider hiring a full time maid instead, and cut down on ILs allowance...since you DS in full day CC and not that you are happy with the way MIL is doing things. Your mum can pop by to assist the maid with you younger DD then...
Juz my thoughts.. -
LOLMum:
wife told me to give extra 'bonus' to my mom during CNY coz she's been taking good care of our kids and us (dinner)it is very difficult to cut the $$$ given to the parents and ils.
get hubby to talk to mil.
good luck.
!! u guys envous, right??!!
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Nebbermind:
wife told me to give extra 'bonus' to my mom during CNY coz she's been taking good care of our kids and us (dinner)LOLMum:
it is very difficult to cut the $$$ given to the parents and ils.
get hubby to talk to mil.
good luck. !! u guys envous, right??!!
hah, great minds think alike. :celebrate:
been doing that since i got married and mil doesnt even live with us or take care of kids and i always tell dh to increase her allowance everytime his paycheck gets bigger.
your sweet wife is helping you to 积福. luv her more okay. :lol: :lol: -
Nebbermind:
You lucky MAN. I think many women would like to have your mum as MIL.
wife told me to give extra 'bonus' to my mom during CNY coz she's been taking good care of our kids and us (dinner)LOLMum:
it is very difficult to cut the $$$ given to the parents and ils.
get hubby to talk to mil.
good luck. !! u guys envous, right??!! -
Hi,
Need some advice here. My fil is very ill now so my mil suggest to my hubby send him over to our house and let me take care of him. Reasons given:-
1) I’m sahp, free to bring him to hospital every now and then. Everybody
don’t need to apply leaves which I think she is more concern for my sil
might affect her career.
2) She got no time to care for my fil cos she has to take care of my sil’s
children eventhough my sil provide her a maid for her.
She always stress that my hubby is the eldest son so he have to handle all the family’s problems, sil is married off so must not bothered her . She very biased, refuse to help me take care of my ds so I have to quit my job to be sahp. Now with this problem , why can’t my sil take care of her parents since she is doing very well and have no ILs just because my hubby is the eldest son.
I would like to reject her but don’t know how to put it in a nice way.
Note hubby is very close and filial to the mil and I also don’t want to put him in a difficult position.<img src=""> -
chinchin:
My fil is very ill now so my mil suggest to my hubby send him over to our house and let me take care of him.
How ill? Is he still mobile? What is the kind of medical care required? What is expected of you? Are you gonna be the only caregiver or will you be getting a helper? How old is your child? Can you handle the elder and the young together?
[quote] I'm sahp, free to bring him to hospital every now and then. Everybody don't need to apply leaves which I think she is more concern for my sil might affect her career. She got no time to care for my fil cos she has to take care of my sil's children eventhough my sil provide her a maid for her.[/quote]Unless you can do it and willing, I think it's better to have all the children play a part in bringing the dad to hospital.
[quote] She always stress that my hubby is the eldest son so he have to handle all the family's problems, sil is married off so must not bothered her . She very biased, refuse to help me take care of my ds so I have to quit my job to be sahp. Now with this problem , why can't my sil take care of her parents since she is doing very well and have no ILs just because my hubby is the eldest son.
Note hubby is very close and filial to the mil and I also don't want to put him in a difficult position[/quote]There will always be this issue. Even if you agree now, I think the 'resentment' will built up, so need to handle carefully.
I dun wish to give the wrong value, but having similar experience, I kinda find a lot of unfairness and end up getting calculative sometimes....simply cannot help it. I'll try to keep my story short.
My hubby also eldest and I quit to take care my 2 kids (not that MIL won't take care, but she has problem with every maid and I couldn't stand it anymore. Imagine after work getting earful from MIL then go home maid also earful and cry and cry). PIL has own house but always quarrel. DH filial, wanted to take care plus FIL seems weak after bypass. (of course lah, drink and smoke even after bypass), he claimed FIL will go soon...probably 1-2 years. I pity him, agreed and PIL came over. Life turned to hell....both are not easy.....and just becos' I'm SAHM, I was viewed to have a good life by the rest. The mental stress, the physical drain.....I couldn't take it. Frankly, I quit for my kids.....but in the end, I couldn't cope. End up, I left kids to study themselves cos' too tired (but fortunately, both independent and still do ok). However, one consolation was the siblings were auto enough. Initially DH was the one bringing them to checkup, errands etc....eventually, it took a toll on DH and i started complaining to the siblings. So the rest now take turn. But still, there are always other things which I feel can be better spread-out amongst the siblings. So, for a period, I was turning depressed, but lucky DH detected and took some action and began to be more supportive .... and I have a part-time helper recently which helped to make things a lot better now. FIL...sigh....he's been nursed back to health, so still a long wait
IF you agree to it, it will not be easy esp. if there's no helper. Think through and discuss with hubby. -
cwc:
Really must think through these.chinchin:
My fil is very ill now so my mil suggest to my hubby send him over to our house and let me take care of him.
How ill? Is he still mobile? What is the kind of medical care required? What is expected of you? Are you gonna be the only caregiver or will you be getting a helper? How old is your child? Can you handle the elder and the young together? -
Jennifer:
Really must think through these.[/quote]Yes. Once you agree to it, it will unfortunately become YOUR responsibility. People will start taking things for granted or make bad comments, so must be prepared :x Eg. in my case, FIL has dementia & damn dirty kind....so cannot leave him alone at home. But when MIL wants to go out, she will insist it's all right & refused to ask other siblings to come over to guard FIL. And all other siblings can say NOT free loh!! So either DH or myself must change our plan so that 1 can stay behind. Just the other day, FIL pee & poo all over my toilet while I was out. Helper cleaned and secretly told me MIL warned her not to let me know...but I smelled the Dettol :xcwc:
[quote=\"chinchin\"] My fil is very ill now so my mil suggest to my hubby send him over to our house and let me take care of him.
How ill? Is he still mobile? What is the kind of medical care required? What is expected of you? Are you gonna be the only caregiver or will you be getting a helper? How old is your child? Can you handle the elder and the young together?
Oh yah, there is also the financial issues to consider too......
Must really consider carefully. -
chinchin:
If your hubby is very filial, he'll probably want to take care of his father, since his mother brought this up. However, it's strange that your mil insists tt you take care of her husband - shouldn't she be the 1st choice? Your sil's children shouldn't be her priority. It seems tt she's just conveniently 'dumping' him to you, not your hubby since you'll be his main caregiver. However, if you are mentally prepared to help take care of your fil, then go ahead but must draw certain boundaries, like whether to employ a maid to help with household chores and caring for him. Bear in mind tt if he is very ill, you'll need to bath him (are you comfortable doing that? Or will a helper be less awkward?) What about the your sil and mil coming in over every weekends to take over so tt you can have a little break like couple time or even family time with your kids? It is very tiring and draining to take care of very ill or terminal patients. My friend's mil just passed away 2 weeks ago and I could see that the whole family is drained.Hi,
Need some advice here. My fil is very ill now so my mil suggest to my hubby send him over to our house and let me take care of him. Reasons given:-
1) I'm sahp, free to bring him to hospital every now and then. Everybody
don't need to apply leaves which I think she is more concern for my sil
might affect her career.
2) She got no time to care for my fil cos she has to take care of my sil's
children eventhough my sil provide her a maid for her.
She always stress that my hubby is the eldest son so he have to handle all the family's problems, sil is married off so must not bothered her . She very biased, refuse to help me take care of my ds so I have to quit my job to be sahp. Now with this problem , why can't my sil take care of her parents since she is doing very well and have no ILs just because my hubby is the eldest son.
I would like to reject her but don't know how to put it in a nice way.
Note hubby is very close and filial to the mil and I also don't want to put him in a difficult position.
My hubby volunteered to take care of his mother when she had to undergo 4 mths of chemotherapy as my fil is not a good caregiver and my mil was really depressed at that diagnosis. Of course, it became my duty to take care of my mil (include bringing her for chemotherapy every 3 weeks and changing her stoma bag every few days) - however, she is great mil and a great patient, very cooperative and I gladly serve her. We did get a helper so as to relieve me of household chores, as I have 3 kids to take care of too, plus my hubby is outstation half the time. Her medical is taken care of by the govt but my hubby paid all other expenses. In fact, I have a single sil who is living alone and she should be the 1st person to volunteer to take care of her own mother but we don't know why she didn't volunteer. Anyway, my hubby, being filial, just did what was needed but he didn't dump the responsibility onto me. We discussed and agreed on this decision. Again, she is a great mil and is in remission for 3 yrs now:) -
pecalis:
Oh yes. Are you comfortable and will your FIL allow and be cooperative?
However, if you are mentally prepared to help take care of your fil, then go ahead but must draw certain boundaries, like whether to employ a maid to help with household chores and caring for him. Bear in mind tt if he is very ill, you'll need to bath him (are you comfortable doing that? Or will a helper be less awkward?) What about the your sil and mil coming in over every weekends to take over so tt you can have a little break like couple time or even family time with your kids? It is very tiring and draining to take care of very ill or terminal patients. My friend's mil just passed away 2 weeks ago and I could see that the whole family is drained.
I did once had to wash/bath my FIL butts after he poo and stained all over the place cos MIL 'hide'. It felt terrible
And generally, my FIL also resistant to have me help him when he goes to pee, think he also feels terrible. So it became a very difficult issue until we hired a helper. But then, getting a helper who is willing to wash/bathe for male may not be easy too.
Pecalis is right about drawing boundaries....MIL should be first choice. Do get their commitment to help out so that you won't be burnt out.
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