In-law problems?
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cwc:
This is so like the TCS drama with Chen Liping n Zhu HouRen. I wld insist the old man to be sent to a nursing home. Really too much to handle liao. I wld also fear for the safety of everyone at home. Who knows if the old man wld play with fire n burn down the hse or do sth else dangerous. Please continue to reason with your hubby.Curious.....anyone has problem with FIL?
Hubby is telling me that I need to learn to handle. But I find it very unfair. :mad: :rant:
FIL has dementia and I think he has slowly reached the next stage. Recently, he has been displaying inappropriate behaviour such as walking out of toilet with pants down and playing with his stuff. I read up and these are some of the symptoms with dementia patients.......
While my DD has yet to witness any (and I dun want to subject my kids to it), I personally am VERY upset despite all the reading
& the maid is a little too. No doubt the maid has been pre-empt and told about his condition and the job requirement is to take care of FIL, think it's still quite upsetting for any woman, isn't it?
Anyone has experience? How do you deal with it? How do we train the maid?
Personally, I feel like sending FIL to nursing home, I can't deal with it...... -
cwc:
FIL has dementia and I think he has slowly reached the next stage.
has he display any child-like signs? if yes, then maybe can trick him by saying cannot take \"that\" out else will be bitten by mozzies, etc -
poppy15:
Child-like in food aspect, but in other areas seems quite normal. Sometimes, I'm very confused, I feel that he is still very aware of things but DH insist he's :siao: liao. FIL dementia medication seems quite heavy too. He does not socialise or talk much, so sometime hard to know what's he's thinking. Got DH to speak to him just now, FIL denied and then simply ignore and refused to ack anyone, sometimes I really feel like slapping him :mad:cwc:
FIL has dementia and I think he has slowly reached the next stage.
has he display any child-like signs? if yes, then maybe can trick him by saying cannot take \"that\" out else will be bitten by mozzies, etc
Dun think the trick part can work yet. -
Jennifer:
This is so like the TCS drama with Chen Liping n Zhu HouRen. I wld insist the old man to be sent to a nursing home. Really too much to handle liao. I wld also fear for the safety of everyone at home. Who knows if the old man wld play with fire n burn down the hse or do sth else dangerous. Please continue to reason with your hubby.cwc:
Curious.....anyone has problem with FIL?
Hubby is telling me that I need to learn to handle. But I find it very unfair. :mad: :rant:
FIL has dementia and I think he has slowly reached the next stage. Recently, he has been displaying inappropriate behaviour such as walking out of toilet with pants down and playing with his stuff. I read up and these are some of the symptoms with dementia patients.......
While my DD has yet to witness any (and I dun want to subject my kids to it), I personally am VERY upset despite all the reading & the maid is a little too. No doubt the maid has been pre-empt and told about his condition and the job requirement is to take care of FIL, think it's still quite upsetting for any woman, isn't it?
Anyone has experience? How do you deal with it? How do we train the maid?
Personally, I feel like sending FIL to nursing home, I can't deal with it......
When FIL first started undressing at the main gate, that was my first thot - Zhu HouRen. BUT I'm no Chen LiPing. We have already hired a maid to look after him, probably the house is safe....but if his behaviour wosen, the maid may not want to continue to work for us. I have given in once by agreeing to getting a maid instead of sending to nursing home, if even maid option still dun work, I think there's no other choice left, he has to go nursing home. Eldercare has kicked him out, he can't go anywhere already. -
i understand your frustrations and mine seems so easy because of lots of helping hands. but there were lots of tears and anger along the way for all of us especially those living with the patient.
my mum had the same illness. it was very hard on my dad and my two sisters who were living with her. maid had to take care of handicapped sister too.
she cant control her actions but they couldnt bear the thought of putting her in nursing home. luckily dad was unable to sleep most nites so he was like the nite watchman because mum liked to wander round the house at nite. the rest of us (including sils) visited them often so that they had a break.
she was bedridden eventually and was in and out of hospital because of bedsores and other complications. but dad and sister always took her home. we had to put her under professional care eventually because of her medical conditions. i remembered my dad crying at home pretty often.
even at the nursing home (not easy to get admitted because of lack of beds), we had to clean her ourselves. my sils and sis bathed her, changed the bedsheets and when she had fever, some1 stayed there to look after her. you cant just send the patient to nursing care and just visit her once a week. it is very stressful for patient because of his dimishing memory he would be very upset not to see a familiar face or place at times.
we always thought she would go first but it was dad (had a fall) and she went too just a few days after him. :sad: but they are in a better place now.
it is not easy looking after an able person with such illness especially if is a he. it will take a lot of time, effort and tears.
if really cant, then talk to dh and his family to seek a solution.
all the best. -
LOLMum:
Thanks for the encouragement. Guess having helping hands would help.i understand your frustrations and mine seems so easy because of lots of helping hands. but there were lots of tears and anger along the way for all of us especially those living with the patient.
my mum had the same illness. it was very hard on my dad and my two sisters who were living with her. maid had to take care of handicapped sister too.
she cant control her actions but they couldnt bear the thought of putting her in nursing home. luckily dad was unable to sleep most nites so he was like the nite watchman because mum liked to wander round the house at nite. the rest of us (including sils) visited them often so that they had a break.
she was bedridden eventually and was in and out of hospital because of bedsores and other complications. but dad and sister always took her home. we had to put her under professional care eventually because of her medical conditions. i remembered my dad crying at home pretty often.
even at the nursing home (not easy to get admitted because of lack of beds), we had to clean her ourselves. my sils and sis bathed her, changed the bedsheets and when she had fever, some1 stayed there to look after her. you cant just send the patient to nursing care and just visit her once a week. it is very stressful for patient because of his dimishing memory he would be very upset not to see a familiar face or place at times.
we always thought she would go first but it was dad (had a fall) and she went too just a few days after him. :sad: but they are in a better place now.
it is not easy looking after an able person with such illness especially if is a he. it will take a lot of time, effort and tears.
if really cant, then talk to dh and his family to seek a solution.
all the best.
It's not easy really, so must really give it to all these caregivers.
In my case, MIL is very picky and resent FIL, so that's a lot of yelling the moment she is involved - at FIL & maid.
At this point in time, FIL is still mobile.....so he's a hassle. At night, maid will rest but my poor DH always sleeps outside these days as FIL will wake up and roam middle of night. DH a light sleeper, so I think he is not resting well at all. What I can't accept now is FIL is behaving inappropriately.....while it may be due to the illness, I still feel so :mad: :sick: I will endure for now....but if it worsen, he has to go cos' I have a young DD at home. -
yeah, very pehsiah to see his crown jewels but looking at woman's private part also
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an able person with such illness is very hard to handle. my mum used to throw things out of the windows :faint: (dad has to put net over them). tried to cook and at times wanted to go out at nite. always said someone is calling for her, gave us the creeps. :scared:
my poor handicapped sister got it from her too, my mum (especially at nite) slapped her while she was asleep. so everytime when she saw my mum walked up to her, she quickly called for whoever was home to protect her. cant go anywhere in wheelchair right? :evil:
a pity your mil is resentful, otherwise things would be easier.
the earlier you make a check to see if any nursing care is able to take him in the better cos' we had to pull some strings to get mum into one. though yours is not bedridden, there might still be a lack of place.
my nieces and nephews are old enough to understand and not feel peisah about the exposed body parts. for dd, she was like a nurse (well trained by sil who is a nurse) so okay with it. -
LOLMum:
yeah, very pehsiah to see his crown jewels but looking at woman's private part also
.
Yes, quite :oops: & sickening. Frankly, I dare not tell my own parents about this, they will be very very upset. DH came home extra early cos' I was so upset over what I saw and called him to complain badly :shock: If it was pure exposing, maybe still can close one eye. It was more. :mad: and I'm still fuming as I type this :rant:LOLMum:
Gosh, throwing things out...xiong. :scared: My PIL spits, despite scolding, threats etc....sometimes, I wish I can call police :skeptical: Same here, my FIL will suddenly get dressed at midnight and say he's going for dinner with friends, someone waiting for him etc..... now besides latching the door, we put stuff in front of door for extra sounds.an able person with such illness is very hard to handle. my mum used to throw things out of the windows :faint: (dad has to put net over them). tried to cook and at times wanted to go out at nite. always said someone is calling for her, gave us the creeps. :scared:
LOLMum:
poor girl.....my poor handicapped sister got it from her too, my mum (especially at nite) slapped her while she was asleep. so everytime when she saw my mum walked up to her, she quickly called for whoever was home to protect her. cant go anywhere in wheelchair right? :evil:
I have spoken to a few people, so far it seems that for dementia patients,
MAN will tend to be quiet/aggressive and behave inappropriately.
WOMAN will get vicious..... either actions or verbal.
Whichever, whatever, still xiong. :scared: LOLMum:
Actually I had already gotten a place the last time, but last minute agreed to hire maid so we gave it upa pity your mil is resentful, otherwise things would be easier.
the earlier you make a check to see if any nursing care is able to take him in the better cos' we had to pull some strings to get mum into one. though yours is not bedridden, there might still be a lack of place. Hopefully the next time will still be as lucky.
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Am tired...... How I wish my PIL get out of my life.
MIL implied/accused me of lying and DH stood up for me cos' he knew I'm telling the truth. MIL argued with DH and claim he is over-protective of wife and started tearing. DH end up in bad mood and now the whole family tensed.
MIL ignoring DH and DH no mood to talk to me. Think my PIL are really a nuisance.
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
Wished I wasn't so stupid and agreed to let them rent out their house and come stay with us. Wished I had insisted on asking all other siblings to take turns house them. Wished I were less filial and feel less for my hubby.
:stupid: :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: -
Hi cwc, is it possible to ask the pil to move back to their own house? Your own marriage will be affected if this goes on. Some pil are impossible to stay with. Or have some fierce quarrels with them and chase them out. Sounds heartless but sometimes, you have to do it to save your own sanity. Good luck!
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