not on talking terms with hubby

[dolphinsiah]

[/quote]


b) He is what he is now coz of your past indulgence / leniency towards him and so now more or less you are reaping your own fruit. If you could not take his nonsense in the past, you should have corrected him then. If you had allowed them, then too bad it is just part of him. Personally I don't really take cancer as a very serious illness now coz I have seen so many people having it that it maybe just like a common disease soon. Stick with him if things are tolerable. Leave him if you think that he is turning you crazy and kids are suffering.

PS:Don't criticise his religion please. Christianity itself is a good religion per se with many teachings similar to Buddhism. The issues lie with some Christians for not being able to carry out the teachings in the correct manner that bring pain to some others. The more you want to say about his religion, the more you will get your own being attacked.

To every action there is always opposed an equal reaction; or, the mutual actions of two bodies upon each other are always equal, and directed to contrary parts.
- Newton's Third Law of Motion[/quote]

20 years ago when I marry him ....I did not know the true Colors of him...being so arrogrant....so selfish.... :!:
I choose to endure him because of my girls....I do not quarrel ...because I do not want my girls to be affected...
My mom always said why I always give way to him....
My plan was to leave him when the girls become independent....

As a Buddhist , I do not Critize other religion...I accept the existence Jesus , Allah,Hindu Gods...
It is my spouse who insisted that Buddha is Devil & Evil...causing him to have Cancer.... :slapshead:
He said as a Head of Family he does not allow the existence of 2 GODS...
For me not to follow him as a Christian....is a SIN.... :rant:

What can I say to a sick patient....but just told his mom and siblings I have my limits.... :x

I know for the theory \"To every action there is always opposed an equal reaction\"...
If my spouse for the past 20 years had taken care of me...I would be now totally be lost/decasted and crying.... when he is daignosed with Cancer....

But I did not ...everybody was surprise ...why I did not broke down...
Because in my world he only play a minor role...a father to my 2 girls....

If my Spouse had not brought up the issue on Buddha ..being evil and Devil...I would not feel so hurt... :heartbroken:

Since this issue has surface ...I know it is very tough for me to live with him anymore.... :gloomy:

After all I am a human...and human have limits...

Now I just need to help to him recover....

[qizai]

dolphinsiah,


I empathize with your situation.

Your husband seems like a spoilt brat who is always blaming you for everything.

From what I gather, your plan is to leave him when your girls are independent. But from now to then, it's still some way to go. And along the way, things became worse because he's now sick and \"beyond reproach\" when he throws his tantrums at you.

From a Buddhist point of view, cancer is easily explained through the law of cause and effect, or karma.

From a Christian's point of view, it's part of God's plan, although not many people can take it kindly to that.

I don't know your situation enough, but honestly, I seriously think it's time to give him a real piece of your mind. Maybe that would be the best thing that will happen to him in the last 10 years. He really needs to see you don't owe him anything that allows him to take you for granted like that. Maybe that's God's plan for him.

You need to be happier so that your girls would be happier too. Time to knock some sense into the big baby. :x

Take care..

[kiddo]

qizai:

dolphinsiah,


I empathize with your situation.

Your husband seems like a spoilt brat who is always blaming you for everything.

You need to be happier so that your girls would be happier too. Time to knock some sense into the big baby. :x

Take care..

dolphinsiah,

You need to find real peace in you to handle this, if not it draining on
you.

Take care and find peace within yourself .you are a good person.

[cfan]

Hi


Religion only teaches us to be good and gives us the guidance on what to do and what not to do.

It is our human failings that does not enable us to interpret the right things and to display the right manner.

Even the top religion leaders have problems (eg Ming Yi saga, Roman Catholics priests, etc) not to talk about simple human beings like us struggling to make ends meet or struggling to understand the complexities in life.

Most important is we are at peace with ourselves. You know what you ought to do and what not to do. Like the chinese saying goes,
对的起天地良心

Actually also going through a difficult time myself but I think I want to see my kids happy. When they are happy, I think everything else is worth it. (Of course had gone through lots of doubts and whatsoever before reaching this conclusion…)

"For God so loved the world He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life."

I don’t think I can ever do that so I know that I will never be able to find a love greater than His but I will try to do the best that I can for the love of my life (which are my kids)

Hope this helps.

[laughingcat]

insider:

This kind of psychological imprint is similar to those who are being abused during young times. They probably will tell themselves they will not hit their kids as bad as what their parents had hit them, but somehow they stand a higher chance of being abusers themselves when they grow up.

This statement is very true to my childhood best friend. She confided in me years ago that she was in some way \"mentally tortured\" by her mother. If she is \"stupid\" in her studies or she fought with her sibling, her mum will dunk her head in a pail of waters or squating toilet bowl. In her school days, I used to see alot of cane bloody marks on her hands and legs. This affected her quite alot as she used to be teased in school.

Now as a mother herself, although she constantly told herself that she won't does that to her own daughter. However subconsciously, she will inflict the same pain to her child as what her own mother did to her.

As a friend, I saw this and advise her to see a councellor. It is really painful for her. Yes, it is really quite pityful to repeated event. Till todate, she is still struggling and overcoming this hurdle.

[mistychances]

hi Dohphin


I must say I have to take my hat off to you. Basically, I think majority of men are selfish creatures. Do what you think is right for your situation as long as you put yourself & your kids priority first. Take good care of yourself. I always tell myself that if they don’t deserve it, then we shld just stop giving. No point making ourselves miserable when they are such
ingrates.

[snowball]

Hi Dolphin,


Life is short, enjoy & treasure today.

If you think you will feel better after leaving your hubby, do so, dont thinks so much.

You dont have to give explanation to anyone else, cos you r the one doing it not the others.

You mentioned, you hubby is rich, what he has is his, well, so dont worry for he, he can take care of himself, who knows, he might appreciate your presence one day.

Be fair to yourself, simple, just follow the direction u want, u will have no regrets.

[e3nity]

seriously speaking i salute to all woman who endure a marriage for the sake of their child.. :udawoman: :udawoman: you really live for your family and children.. hang on there n b strong.. u will surely conquer all difficulties and see the rainbow after this thunder storm..


my case was alike but i didn't endure.. my time bomb juz exploded in a year.. and that's it.. :oops: so mommies u r the best..

[tracytmks]

i had tried to savalage this marriage by showinh him my concern endup he said i nvr thinks of others his mil oso bot happy wif me. said i selfish all this while i hv sacrifice all my times to the kids at hm nobody knows or see it. he said his mum wan go the other bro hse n stay cause i was bad to her. he also must understand i m working everday rush hm like mad women do some chores then go bring my younder son is like mad women u know. somemore nite time got to wakeup sometimes the elder want will asked for milk n is very tiring not enough sleep. sometimes need mil to help look after coz i need to wash my clothes or keep. oso to teach my gal writing is this wrong? she isnot volunteer or spontaneous to help me of coz i will lose my temper looking at all the pressure i went thru. he still can comment only u tired others not. my gal is five this yr daytime mil no need do so much hsework she can rest tt shd benough. i work come hm fetch son play n look after them, i where got rest tell me who is more tired. he somemore say wan freedom ask me dont interfere. how i know wat he do outside who he goes out wif if i dont ask. he want go company event friends wedding i let him go as ling is in spore i dont mind. father of 2 shd b mature to think rite still wan enjoy n play. menvr think of others who come n think of me then i m going crazy. he outside got affair doesnt wan to admit. hv not ask him abt the osea calls

[kiddo]

tracytmks:

i had tried to savalage this marriage by showinh him my concern

Tracy, focus on a few things , try not to rush too many thing
in a day, easy for me to say but will help you to cope a little
better, as a mum to have to juggle so much in a day with a
uncaring hubby is very tough. :ugogirl:

jia yu , jia yu :hi5: