Throwing Tantrum

[sall]

It is unacceptable for a child to speak this way to his parents. Did you allow him to shout or be so rude to you without punishing him? Maybe, he’s very meek in sch, so when he’s at home, he vents all his frustrations on you. I have a friend whose child is like that. His teacher commented he’s so quiet and good in class, but the moment he comes home from sch, he gives hell to everyone.

You should write to the sch counsellor for help, she may refer your son to the specialist for some anger management therapy.

[smartmummy]

smurf:

Do you have hot temper child? My boy keeps shouting at me for no reason. I think he has a problem managing his emotion. For minor minor thing, for example, if I didn't give him food on time, he will shout at me, why I didn't give him food, etc. He will lose his temper and grumble.


This morning, he was doing his art homework, after finishing it, he waited for the glue to dry, but I ask him to shower. Immediately, he raised his voice and shouted, \" No need to dry is it?! \" I haven't even say anything or shouted at him! This is just one minor incident. There are many many more.

When I asked him do something, such as eating, shower, etc, he will shout back, ' then what about blah blah blah?!'

I dun usually shout or scold him unless he does something dangerous or silly. So i dunno why he behaves this way. In fact, I talk to him nicely before all these nonsense.

When he is doing something and he can't get it done, he will cry. He will not be patient to try and try again. He will just lose his temper and throw the thing.

In school, he is very mild and soft spoken (I assumed coz he would tell me that his school friends do mischievous things, etc and he didn't).

Anyone got any advise? :?:

I also in the same boat.Now he is in primary 3.At school he is very obedient boy.But at home, nowerdays he never listen to me at all.Exactly yours.I feel very stressful. Now I try to ask him why are you behave like this.Most of the time he ignore to talk.Slowly he started to talk.Then we discuss.We are trying to understand each other.I hope this atmosphere will change.Now I am planning to go to play ground and play with a friend.His father and spend time with him very less.I think we need to spend more time.I hope it will help!
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[smurf]

I dun think it’s his school friends that influence him, coz his hot temper was not develop recently, it’s months and months ago.


If he shouted at me, I can tolerate him for first few times, but after 3 times, my patience worn out, then I will scold him or take away his privileges. But I believe that he has a problem managing his temper and emotion. I think he doesn’t know how to handle them. He is very affectionate. Sometimes, when I hugged him, he will cry with emotion. If I asked him why he cried, his answer would be "dunno". That led me to think that he still doesn’t know how to handle his emotion.

If he watch a very emotional show between a mother and a child, he will sometimes smile at me, I dunno why. But when he is angry, he will not hold back, he will shout with anger.

[Zann]

How about getting another person, such as your dh, to have a talk with him that he should not take his mother for granted and not to be rude to her … Or have you tried to ignore him ( not response to his request) when he shouted at you?

[smurf]

I tried using all methods. Including ignoring him. He will stomp his feet if I ignore him, or he will sulk. But he will not 消气. Only after I talk and explain to him, then he will simmer down. But the temper continues.

[Jennifer]

Health Promotion Board has a Child Guidance Clinic which runs anger mgt programme for children. The waitlist is quite long. Can get a referral letter from polyclinic or call directly as a private patient.


When my children were younger and raised their voices, I told them only babies who are unable to control their emotion or express their emotion verbally shout. Since they are not babies, I wld prefer them to tell me in a better tone their frustrations.

Maybe your boy is the emotional type. What abt pre-emp some of his outbursts? Like begin the day by hugging him and telling him what makes you happy (eg. he talks abt his needs in a soft voice), showing him your schedule for the day (your busy hour, your free hour which he can approach you for help), showing him his schedule for the day (meal times, bath time) and also reads to him stories that teach abt getting along with others with good manners.

From the examples of outbursts you listed, it seems he has a 1 track mind when he is engaged in a task- must see through the completion before he does sth else. How abt teaching him multi-tasking?

For example "the wait for glue to dry"- compliments his art work first (sets a happy mood for him), then ask him what else needs to be done. Then suggest him to do sth else he likes while waiting for the glue to dry. Ask him how much time he thinks the glue will be dried. Set an alarm clock to remind him.

My boys also do not like to be disturbed when they are doing sth. What I do is to get them to commit a time when they can take a bath or hv meal or do sch assignments etc. Once the time is up, they hv to keep their promise. No argument/bargaining since I did not argue/bargain when they give me the timeframe (unless it is really ridiculous).

If you cant resolve this behavioural issue, pls seek professional help soon before it becomes harder to break.

[HoSayLiao]

Frankly speaking, if the child dares to throw temper at his mother, one tight slap across the face will do the trick. He must also not be allowed to eat dinner. Lock him out of the house for him to repent. This is to let him learn what will happen when he dares to be rude and ungrateful.


PAP also like that mah. No upgrading if u vote wrongly. 5 years to repent.

[markfch]

HoSayLiao:

Frankly speaking, if the child dares to throw temper at his mother, one tight slap across the face will do the trick. He must also not be allowed to eat dinner. Lock him out of the house for him to repent. This is to let him learn what will happen when he dares to be rude and ungrateful.


PAP also like that mah. No upgrading if u vote wrongly. 5 years to repent.

Pls spare us the exaltation of your 'enlightened' method of child upbringing ..... which is nothing more than a glorified form of brute force bullying. In fact, I see it as taking the easy way out, and will only work until the day the child becomes physically stronger than the parent. :roll:

[Jennifer]

HoSayLiao:

Frankly speaking, if the child dares to throw temper at his mother, one tight slap across the face will do the trick. He must also not be allowed to eat dinner. Lock him out of the house for him to repent. This is to let him learn what will happen when he dares to be rude and ungrateful.


PAP also like that mah. No upgrading if u vote wrongly. 5 years to repent.

Think this PAP style only worked in the past. With today's better informed and educated citizens, such tactics only backfire. Likewise, today's children not so dumb like our time.

[HoSayLiao]

[quote]Pls spare us the exaltation of your 'enlightened' method of child upbringing ..... which is nothing more than a glorified form of brute force bullying. In fact, I see it as taking the easy way out, and will only work until the day the child becomes physically stronger than the parent. [/quote]
U have quite misunderstood my intentions. Slapping, locking the child out of the house is definitely not some kind of pervertic, brute force bullying. It is to let child understand what will happen when he throws his temper for no good reason.

It is to make him know that he can't go out in the streets and point his middle finger at some stranger without getting punched in the face.

Why do I advocate locking the child out of the house? Because next time, when the child works in some big company, he will be expected to work for his salary. What if he did not work hard? Locked out of the company gates lah and this time, no way in!!!

Trust me. Children who don't get pampered and learn life lessons early will be grateful to their parents.