Do you resent your husband spending money on his family?
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LOLMum:
though he said he can afford to pay for her, I have to remind him that our family is dependant on him solely and this kind of expenditure is uncalled for and he should not allow her to spend with no limit.hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........
it doesnt matter how sil uses the card or how much/often she pays her bill herself, as long as your dh is fine with it, then just let it be.
she is after all his family too. just make sure there is a limit to the spending.
maybe $4700 for the past year is not a big sum (and as you did mentioned she does pay back a portion of it) as your dh is not kicking up a fuss or running into debt.
hmmmm, for the chocolate thingy, i wont say it was actually his dad paying for it (cos i dont want my kids to be part of this resentment).
Initially she even ask around if anyone can lend money for her son to buy a car (he's 22 and just got his licence) but no one bother to answer bec that is a huge committment.
our of the $4,700, she paid twice and the amount was less than $200.
besides, he is stingy on himself and will only replace his shoes when the heel wears out or there's a hole :yikes:
This is why I feel he got his priority wrong or maybe he just cannot say no to his family -
Believe most of us have some baseline.....as long as not overboard, should be ok. Personally, I used to feel bad for my DH who is the eldest and always giving up for the family. When we both worked, we didn't go anywhere too cos' he has to support family. Even when his siblings started working, he was still the main provider cos' they earn less....so he would not spend on himself (and would at times forbid me cos' I need to save for OUR own family so that he can he can support his). I wasn't exactly happy about it, but willing to do it for him.
This went on for years....until I started feeling it's getting ridiculous....cos' while he remains frugal, the rest are happily spending (branded stuff, holiday, restaurant etc). The siblings are already earning better salary, why should DH still be the one footing the main bulk? Finally when I saw how they actually splurge on 2 pairs of branded toddlers shoes (same size somemore which can only last ~6 months) I put my foot down. Not fair to stop me from getting better quality stuff for my kids and then, fund them right? So enough is enough. If they have that kind of ability now, then let's be fairer.....60/40 is fine, but not 80/20. Finally, DH saw my point. Now at least the burden lessen, but once in a while still Ok lah.
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DH is generous with his family. My PIL are actually quite well-off, but my MIL, who controls the purse-strings, doesn’t like to spend money unnecessarily (e.g. she has never given our kids any birthday presents cos they already have so many toys). But DH still gives his parents a nice monthly allowance. I don’t mind. He has more than enough. Also, I know that he will not be forced to spend against his will.
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pinky:
i think your dh in a way is like my 3rd brother who will spend $$$ on his brothers, sils, nephews, nieces, parents and sisters (including myself). he is the one all of us turned to when younger and has been taking care and charge of all family affairs ever since he was a teenager. so even after his marriage and up to now, he is unable to discharge this responsibility of looking out for us (despite us telling him we are able to take care of ourselves and look out for one another). luckily he has a wife who though spoke to him about this but understand him. she quietly took over his responsibilities of looking after the younger ones and our parents. in a way as she is the 1st dil in the family, she kinda set the example for the rest of the dils to follow and also myself in dealing with dh's family.
though he said he can afford to pay for her, I have to remind him that our family is dependant on him solely and this kind of expenditure is uncalled for and he should not allow her to spend with no limit.LOLMum:
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........
it doesnt matter how sil uses the card or how much/often she pays her bill herself, as long as your dh is fine with it, then just let it be.
she is after all his family too. just make sure there is a limit to the spending.
maybe $4700 for the past year is not a big sum (and as you did mentioned she does pay back a portion of it) as your dh is not kicking up a fuss or running into debt.
hmmmm, for the chocolate thingy, i wont say it was actually his dad paying for it (cos i dont want my kids to be part of this resentment).
Initially she even ask around if anyone can lend money for her son to buy a car (he's 22 and just got his licence) but no one bother to answer bec that is a huge committment.
our of the $4,700, she paid twice and the amount was less than $200.
besides, he is stingy on himself and will only replace his shoes when the heel wears out or there's a hole :yikes:
This is why I feel he got his priority wrong or maybe he just cannot say no to his family
but i do think your dh (hopefully i am not wrong) knows the limit since you did said that no one bothers to give $$$ to the nephew to buy car.
i think small amount, pp will close one eye especially seeing she is divorced (maybe pity her????). do however keep an eye on her spending and if the amount exceeds your limit, put your foot down. -
prior to the car request, the SIL even plan to send him overseas for his U education and my husband even come up with a 'maximum amount of $50,000 to sponsor him because it is worth it to spend on education' and when he told me, I reminded him that since he intend to send our son overseas too, will he have enough savings aside because if he gives to his nephew, very unlikely the money will come back very soon (maybe even partial only). Besides, when the nephew approached his father for the money, the father just said \" I cannot afford it, you settle yourself\".
Thank goodness the boy finally decided to stay back here for U bec he is needed in some church activities that he is leading.
This is just one episode out of many but it is really upsetting me very much and everytime I bring up among this problem, he will always tell me 'dun be so stingy' :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: :mad: :mad: -
pinky:
Hi Pinky,prior to the car request, the SIL even plan to send him overseas for his U education and my husband even come up with a 'maximum amount of $50,000 to sponsor him because it is worth it to spend on education' and when he told me, I reminded him that since he intend to send our son overseas too, will he have enough savings aside because if he gives to his nephew, very unlikely the money will come back very soon (maybe even partial only). Besides, when the nephew approached his father for the money, the father just said \" I cannot afford it, you settle yourself\".
Thank goodness the boy finally decided to stay back here for U bec he is needed in some church activities that he is leading.
This is just one episode out of many but it is really upsetting me very much and everytime I bring up among this problem, he will always tell me 'dun be so stingy' :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: :mad: :mad:
While I :salute: your DH for being so generous, there should be a limit.
I believe in \"If you cannot afford it, dun do/get it. Spend within your limits\". First of all, since the nephew can study the U here, why even the thot of borrowing from others to go overseas? Even the own dad is not supportive....
Also, unless your DH has sufficient to cover both the nephew and your own son, otherwise, you can call me stingy, selfish or whatever, I'll draw the line esp. if nephew can still study locally. -
cwc:
thank u cwc I also believe in spending within your means
Hi Pinky,pinky:
prior to the car request, the SIL even plan to send him overseas for his U education and my husband even come up with a 'maximum amount of $50,000 to sponsor him because it is worth it to spend on education' and when he told me, I reminded him that since he intend to send our son overseas too, will he have enough savings aside because if he gives to his nephew, very unlikely the money will come back very soon (maybe even partial only). Besides, when the nephew approached his father for the money, the father just said \" I cannot afford it, you settle yourself\".
Thank goodness the boy finally decided to stay back here for U bec he is needed in some church activities that he is leading.
This is just one episode out of many but it is really upsetting me very much and everytime I bring up among this problem, he will always tell me 'dun be so stingy' :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: :mad: :mad:
While I :salute: your DH for being so generous, there should be a limit.
I believe in \"If you cannot afford it, dun do/get it. Spend within your limits\". First of all, since the nephew can study the U here, why even the thot of borrowing from others to go overseas? Even the own dad is not supportive....
Also, unless your DH has sufficient to cover both the nephew and your own son, otherwise, you can call me stingy, selfish or whatever, I'll draw the line esp. if nephew can still study locally.
I am on the 'lookout' for the next possible problem: her younger daughter whom she also mentioned about sending overseas so guess I will have to remind my husband again when she brings up the issue again
:slapshead: :slapshead: -
pinky:
I can't understand why your SIL would think it OK to ask your DH for money to send her children overseas. If I were in your situation, I would not agree. Of course, if DH were earning millions a year, then maybe I wouldn't mind so much...
thank u cwc I also believe in spending within your means
I am on the 'lookout' for the next possible problem: her younger daughter whom she also mentioned about sending overseas so guess I will have to remind my husband again when she brings up the issue again
:slapshead: :slapshead: -
MummyThreeStreams:
she is fond asking her siblings to run errands for her like fetching her children home (they are young adults mind you), painting her house, packing for her when moving house etc so besides money, she will also milk time out from others for her own convenience. Her other siblings probably do out of habit but they do grumble once a while.
I can't understand why your SIL would think it OK to ask your DH for money to send her children overseas. If I were in your situation, I would not agree. Of course, if DH were earning millions a year, then maybe I wouldn't mind so much...pinky:
thank u cwc I also believe in spending within your means
I am on the 'lookout' for the next possible problem: her younger daughter whom she also mentioned about sending overseas so guess I will have to remind my husband again when she brings up the issue again
:slapshead: :slapshead:
Anyway, my husband is way below earning million bucks a year so I dun see why he should be subsidising her lavish lifestyle :mad: :mad: -
Hi
I also don’t mind as long it is not overboard and being taking advantage of…
Whatever $$ I spend on my family… I will let my hb know… and is vice versa… no matter what they are still his family… and I have to respect and acknowledge that…
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