A good read - DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

[ImMeeMee]

I have been having this thought recently. I love DH a lot and vice versa. But recently I have been feeling very disappointed and lost.


We live with my in-laws and its their house. There are a lot of differences in styles between the in-laws and myself. DH refuses to move out when I broach the subject, citing filial piety. I enjoy privacy but the house is full of relatives during weekends, leaving the house in a mess every time. ILs can change furniture arrangements and renovate the house without consulting us and I have to follow instructions. I dont like this lack of control over my own family.

At one stage there were issues with MIL’s maid. I told DH several times before one day I voiced my concerns with MIL but she brushed it off. DH was with me but he kept quiet.

Recently MIL has been watching a lot of TV, which is not a good influence for my kids. I requested DH to make some arrangements so that MIL can watch the TV in her room. DH kept quiet. I broached the subject again in an amicable way in front of both MIL and DH. again DH kept quiet.

When it comes to his family he puts it before me. All the time. I am not asking that he rules in my favor blindly, but when I have all the rgithful reasons, I do not see him speaking up for me or for the rightful reason. I have spoken to him about this many times. but to no avail.

I feel very unhappy at home. Never have I imagined that my married life will turn out this way. Because of this we are at cold war almost every weekend for different reasons related to his family. Learning to love the person I found? I tried hard, but when the person pushes you away time and again, I no longer know how. We love each other a lot, but this is keeping us apart, and it is drawing the distance further by the day. There is a very big strain in our relationship now. I try to look at other aspects of our relationship, but this is standing bigger and bigger in between us.

There are times when I encourage myself to be positive in that maybe this is just a passing phase. I just have to grit my teeth, learn to adapt, let it pass and one day I will look back and heave a sigh of relief that this is over and we are back to normal. But I am seriously doubting whether it will happen.

Sometimes I think if not for the kids I would have walked out. To have the most important person in your life not see you as the most important component in life is really tough.

I Believe there is no backdoor to the relationship once we have committed to it, but I dont know where I am heading. If you were me what would you do?

[bigsnoopy]

ImMeeMee:

I have been having this thought recently. I love DH a lot and vice versa. But recently I have been feeling very disappointed and lost.


We live with my in-laws and its their house. There are a lot of differences in styles between the in-laws and myself. DH refuses to move out when I broach the subject, citing filial piety. I enjoy privacy but the house is full of relatives during weekends, leaving the house in a mess every time. ILs can change furniture arrangements and renovate the house without consulting us and I have to follow instructions. I dont like this lack of control over my own family.

At one stage there were issues with MIL's maid. I told DH several times before one day I voiced my concerns with MIL but she brushed it off. DH was with me but he kept quiet.

Recently MIL has been watching a lot of TV, which is not a good influence for my kids. I requested DH to make some arrangements so that MIL can watch the TV in her room. DH kept quiet. I broached the subject again in an amicable way in front of both MIL and DH. again DH kept quiet.

When it comes to his family he puts it before me. All the time. I am not asking that he rules in my favor blindly, but when I have all the rgithful reasons, I do not see him speaking up for me or for the rightful reason. I have spoken to him about this many times. but to no avail.

I feel very unhappy at home. Never have I imagined that my married life will turn out this way. Because of this we are at cold war almost every weekend for different reasons related to his family. Learning to love the person I found? I tried hard, but when the person pushes you away time and again, I no longer know how. We love each other a lot, but this is keeping us apart, and it is drawing the distance further by the day. There is a very big strain in our relationship now. I try to look at other aspects of our relationship, but this is standing bigger and bigger in between us.

There are times when I encourage myself to be positive in that maybe this is just a passing phase. I just have to grit my teeth, learn to adapt, let it pass and one day I will look back and heave a sigh of relief that this is over and we are back to normal. But I am seriously doubting whether it will happen.

Sometimes I think if not for the kids I would have walked out. To have the most important person in your life not see you as the most important component in life is really tough.

I Believe there is no backdoor to the relationship once we have committed to it, but I dont know where I am heading. If you were me what would you do?

I am in a similar situation as you except the fact that i dont stay with my ILs. Haiz when you marry DH, you marry the whole family. Is also because of my MIL that I am having cold wars with DH. She know I don't allow my DD to drink sweet drinks, she still purposely ask her (in front of me) whether she want to drink or not. I totally understand your situation.

[bigsnoopy]

WCW:

maybe let your DH read this article?

Aiya no use. It will create more troubles. His side of the family is always more precious. He is even willing to change his dinner time to suit his family.

[LOLMum]

hi inmeemee and bigsnoopy,


sad to hear that your dh is unsupportive. it is the same for a few of my friends too.

but theirs might be different from yours because they knew before marriage that their bf (now hubby) is very pro his own family and gf (now wives) are kinda on the 2nd tier. but they still went ahead and got married. now home is like war zone (some mellowed now) but the relationship between couples is definitely very very plain like water.

but like it or not, have to consider kids so my friends chucked their own unhappiness aside…at least till the kids are older…

take care … all the best.

[Sotong_mum]

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.'[/quote]


:thankyou: for the nice post esp this sentence.

For some reasons or another, I've been thinking lately why marriage life has suddenly become so dull. It has lost the kind of passion that can only be found during the time when we were dating.

Must really learn to love my DH since he is the one I found

[smartmummy]

"THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND"

Love is there,If someone make you irritating all the time how is it possible?If both has different views then how is it possible? We are not God or furniture.Especially the person doesn’t want to hear/understand other person’s view and ignore.If a partner doesn’t want to change himself?

[smartmummy]

WCW:

hmmm if like that why marry him in the 1st place?

Arrange marries lah!!

[bigsnoopy]

I thought now no more arranged marriage.

[bigsnoopy]

oic Then really must have really strong endurance power.

[ImMeeMee]

WCW:

YKVT:

[quote=\"WCW\"]maybe let your DH read this article?

Aiya no use. It will create more troubles. His side of the family is always more precious. He is even willing to change his dinner time to suit his family.

if that's the case, u have to learn to accept he being like this..... no choice, for ur children. Man are like this, wont realise anything till they lost it, learn though the hard way. no matter how much things wife said they never listen[/quote]Agree, still learning how to accept. but its tough.