How to develop self motivation in children?
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I'm afraid to let him fail. Very afraid. I'm a typical mum. I dun want people to say that I'm a lousy mum, my son failed exam because I didn't do my work well.
You see, he has no motivation to do his work well at all. No motivation at all. He can tell me that he failed his maths test and still can enjoy playing. I asked him why he got 17/50 for his last maths test. He can tell me blankly that he doesn't know. And then, he would tell me to let him enjoy himself playing. :faint:
He would NEVER say he wants to hurry up finish his work so that he can play. HE would rather not play at all. :
just this morning, I told him that he can play xuele (the computer chinese game developed by school) after he finished his Chinese magazine. He enjoysplaying computer game, but i restricted it. He would do it very very slowly and didn't even concentration. He would write one word, then stop for 10 mins, then continue again. This went on for about 1.5hr. I was so fed up. I refused to let him play xuele. But he didn't feel sad at all!
To him, it's good if I let him play, if not, he won't lose anything. Nothing, nothing at all can motivate him to do better. :frustrated:
He has a heck care attitude lor.
This kind of boy I really dunno how to teach. -
Smurf - Dun give up. Keep at it. In P1, it is still possible because there is time. Building motivation is 2 steps forward 1 step back. I feel bad I can’t really help online. I have to see your child and to watch how you interact with him. The most I can do is to encourage you. Sorry.
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Thanks Chenonceau for your encouragement! Maybe he doesn't feel the stress yet. Or maybe he still doesn't understand the stress yet. :nailbite:
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Chenonceau:
When he was suffering, I never said spitefully ]\"See lah... what did I say?\" Instead, I said \"So sad that you did not do well. Dun worry. I still love you but you know why you did not do well? It's not because you dumb. It's because you play without restraint. If you play less and are a bit more diligent, then you will get better results. I believe in you.\"It is important to preserve the warm relationship between mom and son. You must appear to be the good and loving angel. Let the situation (i.e., the teacher, the report book, the marks) punish him for you. Then you comfort him.Sneaky right? Mwahahahahahaha!
:goodpost: I love the way you converse with your son. ( Must learn and memorise your good reply and use it on my children if similar situation arises ) I think most parents lack of the skills on how to give praises and encouragement when things do not turn out the way that we want. It could be the child's fault but still it is important to preserve the warm relationship between mom and son. A lot of parents including myself, somehow, when trying to help our children in their pursuit of academic excellence or in moulding their character, we failed to handle our own disappointment properly and dish out too many unkind words, resulting in poor relationship with our children. -
PiggyLalala:
I think most parents lack of the skills on how to give praises and encouragement when things do not turn out the way that we want. It could be the child's fault but still it is important to preserve the warm relationship between mom and son. A lot of parents including myself, somehow, when trying to help our children in their pursuit of academic excellence or in moulding their character, we failed to handle our own disappointment properly and dish out too many unkind words, resulting in poor relationship with our children.
Piggy! You phrased it so well. Yes... I find my own disappointment hardest to deal with. I used to have to consciously tell myself that how my children do in school is no reflection of me. I forced myself to be as proud of their poor grades (as long as I see diligent behaviors) as I am of their good grades. This holds the fear at bay, and ironically helps my children to perform. Being fearless, I am able to praise professionally. I use the word \"profession\" because I have made the topic of motivation my career. There are moments to praise and moments to cane, and I do both without emotion (i.e., professionally). At least, with my kids, I try to. To praise professionally means you praise when it is the right moment, to achieve the effect you want. Most people praise when they feel like it. My feelings about my kids don't interfere with the reasoned choices I make about my behaviors towards my kids. At least, I try to reduce that interference. I have my bad days too, where I lock myself in my room and tell my toddler that Mommy is not well. But I am just either angry or depressed.
The less I fear how my kids reflect on me, the better my kids do. I put my kid first and die to myself. -
Here is another good nugget...
Research in psychology has examined 2 different types of mindsets
(1) the entity theorist
(2) the incremental theorist
The entity theorist believes that intelligence and personality are fixed and unchangeable. If you're lazy, then you're lazy. If you're dumb, then you're dumb. There is nothing anyone can do to change your PATTERN. The incremental theorist believes that intelligence and personality are malleable.
Entity theorists are susceptible to learned helplessness because they may feel that circumstances are outside their control (i.e. there’s nothing that could have been done to make things better), thus they may give up easily. As a result, they may simply avoid situations or activites that they perceive to be challenging (perhaps through procrastination, absenteeism, etc.). Alternatively, they may purposely choose extremely difficult tasks so that they have an excuse for failure. This whole chunk is copied from the following link - http://www.learning-theories.com/self-theories-dweck.html.
Mommies who are entity theorists will adopt a fatalistic attitude towards their children, and too easily give up on attempts to mould them. Mommies who are incremental theorists will problem solve until they find a way to reach their children. I am very persistent. I killed 28 pots of rosemary plants before I figured out how to grow rosemary properly.
I have been trying for years to figure out why my DD has the tendancy to criticise herself in terms for which I would slap anybody else if they used it on her. I prayed, and I read, and I dialogued. To no avail. I just could not stop her from putting herself down. It's amazing that a girl with her stellar track record has such harsh words for herself. But I am an incremental theorist. I believe any behavior can be changed. I just need to problem solve and find out how... or get God to do it.
I think 8 years of persistence paid off last night. -
Motivation: such a common word, but with a cheem meaning. :siam:
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Chenonceau:
Thank you.Sorry for late response.I had some internet problem.I PM ed you.
Yes... do PM and I will try to help. Sorry I didn't reply. Haven't had time to log on in ages.smartmummy:
Hi Chenonceau!
Firstly,my heartfelt thank to Tisha for share Pip's information here.
Secondly, my heartfelt thank to Chenonceau to be more generous and give deep explanations. :salute:
Could you please help me! :imanisland:.
Can I PM to you,please? -
Praise him when he/she does well,as it really encourages the child.
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kiasuparent1998:
Praise him when he/she does well,as it really encourages the child.
Sometimes over praise make them over confident.
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