In-law problems?
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cwc… It’s so easy to say that people do that because they’re sick and cannot help it, and so one must be forgiving… but really having to forgive day in and day out is a different matter. I think your hubby married an ANGEL, and I hope he knows it too.
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My in-laws will be moving in with us in the next few months. This is the 3rd time I am trying to stay with them. The first time, I was the maid because we had no money to get a maid. We moved out to my own place because I didn’t want to have 2 jobs (my day job and the maid on evenings and weekends).
The 2nd time, she moved in (even though her huge flat was just within waving distance from mine). She had her place but insisted to have a room at mine. This time, I was the dispossessed mother who was criticised for everything I did from cooking to child-rearing… nothing I did was good. I almost wondered why she didn’t marry her son and take my place in my home. I didn’t dare to say anything but managed to move her back to her place by arguing that SHE HAD HER OWN PLACE, and that I needed space to bring up my kids without being criticised all day.
This will be the 3rd time. I’m older and in the past years, have managed to bring up 2 kids + one foster kid pretty much to the satisfaction of my husband and myself. The kids are doing better now after we moved her out and made things simple. My husband agreed that I deserve my personal space. He also agreed that family harmony was more important than family proximity. So we structured a self-sufficient apartment (with separate kitchen and hall) within our home.
Now that I am older and more assertive, I also told her that after she moves over there, she should mind her own business in her apartment and leave me to run things at my home, and that even if she didn’t agree, I was gonna do things my way.
But she really didn’t improve until DH told her that HE had left that the decision to stay with her to ME… and that if there was no harmony under one roof then it makes better sense to have 2 roofs for the sake of relationships, and the children. Since that ONE talk with her son, she has completely stopped criticising me, and she even said that she understood that I needed personal space to do things the way I think best.
I do so hope this lasts. -
mummyJune:
Ya, a lot of mil think they know everything, so they must comment on everything. If the dil argue with them, they will say the ridiculous stuff like 'I eat more salt than you eat rice'. :roll:hi all mummies, actually i do appreciate my mil for taking care of my kids, i always tel my hubby, his mum does a good job especially when come to taking care of kids, & yes, is no easy thing taking care of a sick baby. but the only thing i dun like is every morning when my kids go over her place she sure got something to comment on for example Y my son got rashes on his neck etc, i tel my hubby wa, yr mum trying to say we duno how to take care iszit? OK, mayb she dun mean it that way, but call me petty la, since when do DILs & MILs get along?
sign...i might sound like an ungrateful DIL but sometimes angry words juz come out from my mouth. yes, we are grateful for sil for helping us get the soy milk, my hubby told his mum he will pay her back.
in fact i felt guilty after what i said abt the granddaughter, sometimes i see her i feel so paiseh. sign... -
Chenonceau, you very brave to have your mil with you again.
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sall:
Mine here will play the 'victim' role...CRY. When she is unreasonable, she twists the facts.
Ya, a lot of mil think they know everything, so they must comment on everything. If the dil argue with them, they will say the ridiculous stuff like 'I eat more salt than you eat rice'. :roll:mummyJune:
hi all mummies, actually i do appreciate my mil for taking care of my kids, i always tel my hubby, his mum does a good job especially when come to taking care of kids, & yes, is no easy thing taking care of a sick baby.
in fact i felt guilty after what i said abt the granddaughter, sometimes i see her i feel so paiseh. sign...
In yesterday's article about this MIL-DIL, I must say the MIL is so modern and gone all the way to treat her only DIL as her daughter. Wow, can even bond over latest skincare and iPhone games...simply amazing! -
janet_lee88:
Mine here will play the 'victim' role...CRY. When she is unreasonable, she twists the facts.
Ya, a lot of mil think they know everything, so they must comment on everything. If the dil argue with them, they will say the ridiculous stuff like 'I eat more salt than you eat rice'. :roll:sall:
[quote=\"mummyJune\"]hi all mummies, actually i do appreciate my mil for taking care of my kids, i always tel my hubby, his mum does a good job especially when come to taking care of kids, & yes, is no easy thing taking care of a sick baby.
in fact i felt guilty after what i said abt the granddaughter, sometimes i see her i feel so paiseh. sign...
In yesterday's article about this MIL-DIL, I must say the MIL is so modern and gone all the way to treat her only DIL as her daughter. Wow, can even bond over latest skincare and iPhone games...simply amazing![/quote]It is REALLY rare... so rare that it is newsworthy. -
jtoh:
Chenonceau, you very brave to have your mil with you again.
Actually no... I think I am just stupid. -
Chenonceau:
Good luck!!!!!!!jtoh:
Chenonceau, you very brave to have your mil with you again.
Actually no... I think I am just stupid. -
sall:
mummyJune, it's not being petty ok!! I thought I was being petty too and put up with the subtle undermining of my competence as a mother for TEN years... and the insidious undermining of my relationship with my kids. It's not petty because kids benefit from a strong relationship with Mommy. My kids were a lot better off emotionally and academically away from such an unhealthy daily dose of undermining comments.mummyJune:
but the only thing i dun like is every morning when my kids go over her place she sure got something to comment on for example Y my son got rashes on his neck etc, i tel my hubby wa, yr mum trying to say we duno how to take care iszit? OK, mayb she dun mean it that way, but call me petty la, since when do DILs & MILs get along?
Ya, a lot of mil think they know everything, so they must comment on everything. If the dil argue with them, they will say the ridiculous stuff like 'I eat more salt than you eat rice'. :roll:
Sall... my MIL said that to me every day for a decade. And after I told her off, she began to do it behind my back... criticising this action or that decision. Nothing I did was good enough. Even soya sauce also buy wrong (in her opinion). She has however completely changed after her son had a talk with her about keeping separate roofs if there was no family harmony and interpersonal respect.
I think it won't last. But at least, when she moves in with us, there is a wall separating our 2 households. To get to my house, she needs to go outside and come in again. -
Chenonceau:
cwc... It's so easy to say that people do that because they're sick and cannot help it, and so one must be forgiving... but really having to forgive day in and day out is a different matter. I think your hubby married an ANGEL, and I hope he knows it too.
I agree. Kudos to you cwc.
:snuggles:
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