A mother's letter to her daughter...
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ChiefKiasu:
Urr...U mean to write a story abt :siao: MYSELF ?
...Go participate in our first ever http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4752 by submitting a Scary story
haha thank u very much though...ChiefKiasu:
...I feel so inferior...my brain might be so new (seldom use lor) that i could recite only small part of san zi jing after like... 1 yr?...not even better than some parrots, tiny brains......As for san zi jing, have to wait until the birdpark imports them from China, or gets a Chinese PRC to coach the existing birds...
... from brain-new clueless newbie
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sashimi:
...When my daughter grows up, one of you must do me a favour and tell her how rare I am ah. Medium rare is fine.
HaHaHa U sure r humourous :rotflmao:
i wonder if this medium rare sashimi is edible...
:drool: then :faint: ??!!!! -
daisyt:
.
I still manage to hold back and not slap her (I have never slap or beat her before)
I admire u having the self-control to hold back...if not, i can imagine your Kudos points in your DD's heartbank might drastically drop to 0 ...
[quote]---how can a slap be consider abuse ?... :|[/quote]To me, a slap without a reasonable/ valid reason is considered abuse.
Having said so, I have this question for myself: if someone slapped me with a valid reason, what will I think and how will I feel?
My answer is : Logically I might think it's right to slap me but emotionally I will definitely feel humiliated :oops: (will someone who loves me try to humiliate me?? :(...this someone might be \"right\", but does he/she cares abt my feeling??...)
Thus, in order to defend my ego, will i accept your valid reason wholeheartedly?
and will I choose out of my own will not to repeat the same mistake again?
After all, I think the heart of the matter is the matter of the heart. -
daisyt:
After cooling down, I had a talk with my girl, she knew her mistakes and I also aware of my wrong. Eventually, the most important is to draw out a limit and both of us are aware of each other's limit.
:congrats:
...feel so happy for both of u.... -
I personally find that Skippy's blog provides many good pointers to us parents.
You may find these helpful:-
Healthy Boundaries Healthy Kids http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/healthy-boundaries-healthy-kids
Listening to Your Teenager http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/listening-your-teenager
Bringing Up Compassionate Children http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/bringing-compassionate-children
Problem Solving With Kids http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/problem-solving-kids
Alternatives To Punishment http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/alternatives-punishment -
Fluffy:
... Please help! Should I leave her alone for awhile or should I do something about it? Have tried talking to her but didn't help much...
Hey Fluffy, pls consider visiting Skippy's blog.
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I’ve been pondering for the whole day what I witnessed this afternoon.
I do not know if it’s "God’s will" to make me witness the incident? or, it’s just pure coincidence (… talk about coincidence, I read a saying "coincidence is the God’s way of remaining(?) anonymous")?
When I came out from the MRT station this afternoon, I heard a "piak" sound from a corner. I turned around, and I saw a woman slapping a boy (her son, i guessed)! I was taken aback, as "slapping" is one of the issues we have been discussing about under this thread for the past few days.
As the boy’s back is facing me, I couldn’t see the expression on his face. I could see the facial expression of the woman though…stern…cold…
Then when I walked pass them, I heard the woman said:"…don’t you dare to talk back to me…" it’s by then I had a chance to have a glimpse of the boy… to my surprise, his face was expressionless!
Why? The boy is about 8 or 9 yo…how come he could looked expressionless when he was slapped in a public place? Does that implies that, he’s gotten used to it and he feels nothing anymore?
In my mind another boy’s image flashed back…it was years ago when I was passing by a Mc-Donald, there was a woman YELLING at a boy, also age around 8-9 yo. Her voice was so loud that the whole street could hear her lion-roar. The boy covered his cheek with his hand and he was… shivering. He was not crying aloud though… but tears were rolling down his cheeks. His eyes…were filled with… despair.
I couldn’t stop it but tears welled up in my eyes each and every time I recall this scene. Does this mother not love her son? or she simply doesn’t know HOW to love her son? …
Ironically after year(s), I saw the same expression on my daughter’s face.
It was me, snarling at her in a coffee shop, simply because she refused to finish her meal.
I didn’t slap her, but the yelling was already WAY TOO MUCH for a 2 year-old to take. She looked at me quietly as her eyes turned red…and tears just rolled down her cheeks. She tried to hold back her tears, but she simply couldn’t.
She stared at me for so long that, I couldn’t bring myself to look into her eyes anymore. I’ll never forget that…despair in her eyes. -
AnalectsReader,
That mommy probably beat the boy since he was a baby. That's why he was expressionless.
I have heard of a mommy who wrote in another forum, that she smacked her 8 month old baby because she was angry that the baby bit her when breastfeeding. The mommy insisted that she has done nothing wrong.
Another day I saw a mommy with a girl who was around 1 year old. The girl walked away by herself, and the mommy was very angry. She went to the girl and hit her very hard on her legs. The little girl, who was very skinny, immediately fell onto the floor. She cried loudly, but the mother showed no emotions. I felt so terrible.
One day my SIL brought her daughter, about 3 years old at that time. Her daughter at first gave a lollipop to my boy as a gift. But the little girl changed her mind and insisted to have the lollipop back. My SIL was very angry and slapped her really hard. The little girl cried pitifully. I felt sorry for the girl, my SIL should not have done that. She actually worked as a teacher at a childcare centre, one that charges $800 for half day !
I am glad to find a like minded parent like you. I am strongly against caning/beating as a method of discipline for young children. Actually I posted another thread in this forum:
Spare the rod and spoil the child
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1514&start=0
58% of the parents in this forum think that caning is necessary.
I never cane my kids. They are quite reasonably well behaved. But I do yell at them when they mis-behaved. My almost 5 year old boy is not scared of my yelling at all. I don't yell at him very often lah.
My 6 year old girl does the same thing as your girl.
For example, yesterday, her younger brother was sitting on a chair, and she abruptly pulled on the chair. That caused my boy to fall right off the chair onto the floor. I was really angry and screamed at her, I think the entire 16 storey block could hear me. She cried quietly. But I knew very well it is not because of me yelling at her. I believe that she realized that she did something wrong, and she was regretting it. I left her alone to cry. About 1 hour later, she came back smiling at me. -
AnalectsReader, first I must say ur ‘letter’ was indeed very touching. It brought tears to my eyes while reading it in office! Luckily no one was around.
Just 2 days ago, I was nagging my dd to go to bed (in a harsh tone) as usual. And she asked me "mummy why are u always so fierce?" Although I have never slapped or beat her, I can get quite impatient and harsh at times, even over small things. After reading ur article, I realised a bit of patience is all we need. I am glad that yesterday, I put her to bed without much chiding and she fell asleep on my thighs peacefully.
Talk about discipline, was quite shocked to read in the newspapers yesterday that it is an offence to beat a child in NZ. -
AnalectsReader:
AnalectsReader,
原谅我, 给我机会改进...在妳的心变硬之前, 让我学会做一个, 够好的妈妈.
This really touched me.
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