BGR for a 13 year old
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DD told me 2 of her Y3 seniors are dating. So I took this opportunity to tell her about why they should not be dating and so on. Easier to talk about others, so she won't feel defensive. Thankfully, she agreed with me.
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easy to start by talking about everything under the sun when they are still young. That way there won’t be any taboo topic that they want to hide from you.
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easy to start by talking about everything under the sun when they are still young. That way there won’t be any taboo topic that they want to hide from you.
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Hi cwc and 1amber,
I am pretending to be ok with this BGR thingy and trying to listen to what the kid has to say so as not to shut him/her out.
And at the mean time, I tell the kid why parents strongly oppose to BGR… and other issues…
I hope I am on the right track… -
For me, even though in my heart, i want to say no BUT i am not in the position to say no cos i started ‘going steady’ at 14. Fyi, i was from a girls’ school. My parents strongly objected to it, tried to intimidate me with lots of consequences. Unfortunately, I was defiant & rebellious. So for my boy now, though he is only P1 now, my hb & I have decided to be open about it when the time comes. We will tell him to bring his gf to show us & we will bring her out on family outings at times. At least that way, we can ‘monitor’ a little.
I have a cousin who is 14yo this year. That is her case now. She talks to her mum about her arguments with her bf. To my aunt, being aware of it is better than being kept in the dark. Of cos, must educate on PMS though. -
My kid in not in a co-ed school so i tot i have already shut the door for possible BGR problem. So rong05, I am learning to be like you… to be open abt the BRG thingy.
The good thing is I know who this girl (from a girls’ sch) my kid is smsing. And this girl seems sensible, she will encourage my kid to work hard and do his best… -
dd is 13 and is talking alot more to the boys in her tuition classes and in church. i encourage her to make friends with them but not to start a bgr relationship. i am fine with crush thingy but not bgr and we talk about sex all the time.
she has her dreams to chase and dont think she will start one bgr right now at such young age. -
There is no easy answer to give. We as parents know the dire consequences of BGR relationships taken full steam at that age - unwanted pregnancy, broken lives, unfulfilled dreams etc etc. From some of yours and from my own experience it is impossible to shut out this BGR issue.
Yet if we just give the solution and say \"No\" and expect them to follow without questioning, they feel put down and slighted. I am considered a normal girl - took my studies seriously and obeyed my parents. But I still had my BGR issues and I could not discuss with my folks as they did not come across as willing to listen without criticising me. I am of the view that more teenagers are faced with BGR issues than they would want to admit to their parents.
I also think even if we have ourselves been in this BGR thing at a young age, it doesn't disqualify us from discouraging our own kids. We share from our experience and talk about the pitfalls and problems that lurked around the corners. As someone who worked a lot with teenagers, I found that they listen to you and respect you when you show yourself to be as human as they are - with your own failures and weaknesses. They listen to you if and when they feel safe and that you take a real interest in their lives. They somehow disdain adults who show a holier than thou attitude towards them so whatever you want to say even if had been good for them will be rejected outright.
The bottomline is not what we say but how we talk to them. If we develop a 'talking with' love relationship and not 'talking down at' attitude with our kids, there is a higher chance they will not want to disappoint you when they are on the verge of temptation. I don't want to blame our fast-pace-work-all-day norm but I think family life has suffered as a result of time deprivation. Many of us don't have time to chat with our kids anymore and talk about things outside of school homework and grades. I am not an expert in psychology but this is just my take from my experience working with teenagers. -
Someone once gave good advice on this. Not to outright say "NO" bgr at all, but to set clear boundaries. e.g. physical boundaries.
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hi toddles, thanks! Very gd advice indeed!
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