BGR for a 13 year old
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My kid in not in a co-ed school so i tot i have already shut the door for possible BGR problem. So rong05, I am learning to be like you… to be open abt the BRG thingy.
The good thing is I know who this girl (from a girls’ sch) my kid is smsing. And this girl seems sensible, she will encourage my kid to work hard and do his best… -
dd is 13 and is talking alot more to the boys in her tuition classes and in church. i encourage her to make friends with them but not to start a bgr relationship. i am fine with crush thingy but not bgr and we talk about sex all the time.
she has her dreams to chase and dont think she will start one bgr right now at such young age. -
There is no easy answer to give. We as parents know the dire consequences of BGR relationships taken full steam at that age - unwanted pregnancy, broken lives, unfulfilled dreams etc etc. From some of yours and from my own experience it is impossible to shut out this BGR issue.
Yet if we just give the solution and say \"No\" and expect them to follow without questioning, they feel put down and slighted. I am considered a normal girl - took my studies seriously and obeyed my parents. But I still had my BGR issues and I could not discuss with my folks as they did not come across as willing to listen without criticising me. I am of the view that more teenagers are faced with BGR issues than they would want to admit to their parents.
I also think even if we have ourselves been in this BGR thing at a young age, it doesn't disqualify us from discouraging our own kids. We share from our experience and talk about the pitfalls and problems that lurked around the corners. As someone who worked a lot with teenagers, I found that they listen to you and respect you when you show yourself to be as human as they are - with your own failures and weaknesses. They listen to you if and when they feel safe and that you take a real interest in their lives. They somehow disdain adults who show a holier than thou attitude towards them so whatever you want to say even if had been good for them will be rejected outright.
The bottomline is not what we say but how we talk to them. If we develop a 'talking with' love relationship and not 'talking down at' attitude with our kids, there is a higher chance they will not want to disappoint you when they are on the verge of temptation. I don't want to blame our fast-pace-work-all-day norm but I think family life has suffered as a result of time deprivation. Many of us don't have time to chat with our kids anymore and talk about things outside of school homework and grades. I am not an expert in psychology but this is just my take from my experience working with teenagers.
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Someone once gave good advice on this. Not to outright say "NO" bgr at all, but to set clear boundaries. e.g. physical boundaries.
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hi toddles, thanks! Very gd advice indeed!
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I have been asking DS (now 15) for many years since he was 13 if he
have interest in BGR at this age . He say yes but not now
too busy and also gal need to spend a lot of time,
Because he is close to me and DH and we encourage him to go
out in group and need not be a BGR pair kind of socialising.
Told him to enjoy group of friends and not confined to a single
person at such a young age, to really know about the process
of growing up.
He told me in his Sec 1 class there are distinctly few groups/click of classmates ---the BGR pair, --the handphone manic group, the quai quai/studious group and the free with all individual.
So BGR do exist at a very young age in all school though as parents
we know it just \"puppy love\" , it a thin line to tread , and we do
not want our DS /DD to shut us out in this volatile \"teenage years\"
I would like to say \"no no \" to BGR at 13 but can I 24/7 be with
DS - no - so I try to share as many why not issue on BGR but do not
strongly object as we know the \"teenage ' year is a stage of
\"The teenage know it all\" but actually \"know not at all\"
Happy parenting :snuggles: :hugs: -
we must always remind our kids they have the right to say "NO" and should be respected for doing so.
teenage boys are a curious lots, so better to remind them that no matter who starts it, dont do it (girls are not the only one who can say "NO") cos you never know what the girl would turn around and accuse him of.
aiyah yah, teenagers - giving me more white hairs now. -
LOLMum:
still, it's a million times better than losing hair!!
aiyah yah, teenagers - giving me more white hairs now. -
I speak to my kid abt crushes etc.
To help him understand that his feelling for this girl may just be temporary.
I also used the analogy like that girl is like a young tree in the forest. Young tree will go through changes and she will grow into a mature tree.
So he may like this particular tree now but he may prefer another more mature tree as he grows up. And some trees you need to spend more time to take care of it. But some trees are very hardy.....
Guess wat? after hearing what i said my 'theory' on trees.
My son told me \"Mum, this tree that i m interested in is really not bad.\"
I think I will have more white hair soon!!!
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Herbie:
Guess wat? after hearing what i said my 'theory' on trees.
My son told me \"Mum, this tree that i m interested in is really not bad.\"
:rotflmao:
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