Advice - Divorce or Not to Divorce

[mintcc]

so sorry to hear what happened…his attitude make me :x. After what he had done, still can be so blatant about it. Seems to me he think you can be bullied and he can have his way.


If he doesn’t want a divorce then he better agree to your terms. How do you feel now? Do you want to savage what is left or will you rather leave him or you want to leave him but is worried about your financial future?

[ChiefKiasu]

Windy:

Yesterday night, the china girl follow my husband home at 2.30am to look for me. We talked and realised that they having affair for more than a year and now my husband want to leave her but she don't want. However, my husband said he will not go for china girl anymore bec they control him and make him pay her money, so far, he had already spend about $12k on her. He don't favour divorce not bec love me but worry abt the maintanance. He said he will still want to continue with his night life but just don't touch those china pro.

Dear Windy, I think your hubs is full of it. You are better off with someone else that will treat you better. Take control of your life because it is yours to live, and not someone else's to manipulate.

[ZacK]

Windy:

Yesterday night, the china girl follow my husband home at 2.30am to look for me. We talked and realised that they having affair for more than a year and now my husband want to leave her but she don't want. However, my husband said he will not go for china girl anymore bec they control him and make him pay her money, so far, he had already spend about $12k on her. He don't favour divorce not bec love me but worry abt the maintanance. He said he will still want to continue with his night life but just don't touch those china pro.

Assuming average life span of a person is 80 yrs, the person has a life bank of (60 x 24 x 365 x 80) = 42,048,000 minutes in his/her whole life time... If this person has used up half of the life span, the remaining life bank will be 21,024,000 minutes.

You may feel that is a lot of time left, but considering that we spend a 1/3 of our time sleeping, the remaining time we are awake is 14,016,000 minutes which is approx equivalent to 9733 days or 26 yrs.

The point I am trying to make is... Every minute gone is every minute lost and will never be regained. You have a choice... why not choose to live your life happily and to the fullest extent than to live and suffer in \"silence\".

May you find the strength, peace and wisdom to make that right decision for yourself

[jedamum]

Windy,

Imagine 30-40yrs down the road and that fate has it that your husband becomes very sick; will you be willing to put down everything and care for his every need without complaints til the end?

[winth]

Windy:

Yesterday night, the china girl follow my husband home at 2.30am to look for me. We talked and realised that they having affair for more than a year and now my husband want to leave her but she don't want. However, my husband said he will not go for china girl anymore bec they control him and make him pay her money, so far, he had already spend about $12k on her. He don't favour divorce not bec love me but worry abt the maintanance. He said he will still want to continue with his night life but just don't touch those china pro.

Hi Windy, weird that when we were talking about checking your hubby out and he comes here with a China pro to come look for you.
And the china girl could talk to you 'calmly' (explain things about their affair to you) about what had happened and in the end tell you that she was the one who doesn't wanna leave your hubby, so the blame is hers lar, not your hubby? Weird lar...

So, your hubby is telling you that he learnt his lesson (= no more china girls, other nationalities not included), he doesn't want a divorce bec he is worried about the maintenance?

It's a very crappy story he is giving lar...

When my FIL was kanna caught with a china girl, also said same thing. Caught with indo pro, same thing. Caught with another business lady, also same thing. We also suspect he already has a child outside liao.

You see, these things just go on and on, you will just cry and heal (for a short while) then break down again (and heal again) when he tells you yet another affair.

You should stand up for yourself plus your love for your children. PI should still gather evidence bec at court, he could bite you back and said that there was no such china girl visits to confess to you. Once with solid evidence, then tell him your terms, and what you want to do next. It's not for him to tell you what he wants to do now. The ball should be at your court, not his.

[mintcc]

Just thinking about what Winth say. Agree that concrete evidience is very important. I hope you record down the conversation/confession with the China girl and your hubby. if you haven’t I suggest you find a chance to record concrete evidence e,g, photograph his handphone messages, reciepts etc. Might save you some money in PI cost.


Have you thought through what you want to do and see a lawyer yet?

[Fluffy]

mincy:

Just thinking about what Winth say. Agree that concrete evidience is very important. I hope you record down the conversation/confession with the China girl and your hubby. if you haven't I suggest you find a chance to record concrete evidence e,g, photograph his handphone messages, reciepts etc. Might save you some money in PI cost.


Have you thought through what you want to do and see a lawyer yet?

Just to share my sister's experience who is now undergoing divorce proceeding due to her husband's unreasonable behaviour, adultry acts etc. She is always well prepared whenever the need to record conversation, take photos or video etc. So far, she did not need to engage a PI as she has enough evidence to fight her case due to her alertness. If opportunity arises, she ensure that there is impartial witness around. She also make copies of documents such as bills etc which can be presented in courts. You have to be smarter than your other half to gather as much damaging evidence against them. Get a good lawyer who can advise you. Get your friends, siblings and neighbours to help you. At the end of the day, all you want is to ensure your children and yourself deserve as much financial support and happiness in future without him.

[Fluffy]

I forgot to add on. Whatever evidence you have gathered, please make sure you make a copy and leave it with your close friends or siblings. I have a copy of photos, recordings, documents etc which my sister collected. This is to prevent the other half from destroying the evidence especially when he is still staying with you.

[Ahmih]

if a couple got 2 preschool kids, should divorce or not? Situations as such:


1. husband visited prostitutes when wife was pregnant with 1st child, right up to 2nd child. Only stop when wife found out a couple of months before giving birth to 2nd child. after that, wife thinks husband still visit those gals 'once a while', caught some sms on husband hp to pimp.

2. husband before marriage already has porn addiction, after kids, still continues to treat it a 'hobby'. Now his wife understand why he is so addicted to that, bcos of prostitutes visits.

3. Husband had on 3 occasions hit wife over porn. I think the wife only reported to police on the 3rd time. and always, husband say sorry later and won't happen again. But still... what's to be trusted here?

4. Wife feels very insulted and sad with his porn addiction, threaten divorce bcos he wants to keep the 'hobby' and also wife feels insecure and husband said he'll give up, but still secretly download and viewed. Should she carry out the threat? with the evidence that she gathered against him, they will expire in 3 weeks time.

5. I think there's no sex between them already, or poor sex if there's any.

6. only committed to stay for kids. Husband feel must keep family intact for kids sake. Asked the wife to think for the kids too. Wife agrees family should be intact, but have great difficulty trusting the husband again. She feels his words are empty.

7. Wife feels husband jus want to pay bills, act as father and still fool around eventually. Although right now he said he wants to work on marriage. Efforts seems slow or none.

8. On normal days, eveything seems 'perfect' and children are happy. Upon close look at parent's relationship, broken.

9. Make things complicated, parenting style very different. Wife is strict and wants to set boundaries, husband is a big child who will bend and break all rules. Wife always think of kids need, husband always think of his own needs and sometimes wife's.

Anyone can advise? :idea:

[Busymom]

Hi Ahmih,


So what is your own opinion on this?