Is it too much?
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Oppsgal:
I think the thing is we adults should just give advise. At such age, i believe the children should be more mature than in primary school?
Sometimes we also tried not to interfere. But alot of time, we realised we have to set the attitude right.Nebbermind:
[quote=\"Oppsgal\"]At least got free things to use.
For me, I am thinking if my kid is in secondary, at most only give a hp with prepaid card of $20 per month. After that, use own pocket money to top up.
I don't care my kid use 700 sms or 1000++ sms, as is the choice how my kid likes what to use the money on.
Eg, if my children decide to use all or most of their pocket money to buy 'extra' time for their prepaid card, then I'll definitely step in. The pt is that pocket money is given for the purpose of making sure they have proper recess and lunch. For them to forgo both just to have more calltime, that, too me, is not right.
They can choose to spend their money talking, and have a hungry stomach? Or they can eat, and spent less expense on talking on handphone and use free house phone.[/quote]I think what Oppsgal is trying to say is let them learn the cause and effect on their own. To some extent I agree as we cannot molly-coddle them forever. As parents we also need to choose the battle to fight, otherwise burnout very quickly!!! :rotflmao: If it is a lesson they can learn on their own, leave them to discover their own folly. If it is a lesson with no reversible course, eg. it entails death, then parents have to be more forceful in their advice. Of course, all these contingent on the fact that the bonding is strong, otherwise forceful advice would not be heard as well. -
If your child decides to waste his pocket money on prepaid value without any left to eat or drink then it is their problem. Because the money is theirs and they choose how they’re gonna spend it. But they will have to pay the price themselves because again, that is their money.
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If my child wants to run the risk of venereal disease because it is his body.
If my child wants to run the risk of drug addiction because it is his body.
If my child wants to self-mutilate because it is his body.
If my child wants to kill himself because it is his life.
http://petunialee.blogspot.com/2009/10/all-way-my-saviour-leads-me.html
What hurts my child hurts me. Our destinies are ever intertwined.
If I knew that my child was going hungry or had not enough stationery because of too much handphone expenses, I would feel uncomfortable. It's not just a question of whose money it is... it is a question of 2 people so intertwined that when one hurts, the other feels it.
The same drive that makes me feel like slapping the bully who has hurt my kid, is the same drive that will drive me to cane my kid to teach him not to hurt himself. Of course, one doesn't go around slapping people whenever one feels like it... but oft times, one sure feels like it. -
snowman.697:
If your child decides to waste his pocket money on prepaid value without any left to eat or drink then it is their problem. Because the money is theirs and they choose how they're gonna spend it. But they will have to pay the price themselves because again, that is their money.
:salute: :salute: -
snowman.697:
If your child decides to waste his pocket money on prepaid value without any left to eat or drink then it is their problem. Because the money is theirs and they choose how they're gonna spend it. But they will have to pay the price themselves because again, that is their money.
A child has no money to begin with. -
ksi:
Learn to save pocket money?snowman.697:
If your child decides to waste his pocket money on prepaid value without any left to eat or drink then it is their problem. Because the money is theirs and they choose how they're gonna spend it. But they will have to pay the price themselves because again, that is their money.
A child has no money to begin with.
Parents should train the kids to be more independent. If everything also control and force them to listen, then kids will never learn, will never grow up? some might even rebel, asked why parents always want their own way, not listening to them? -
Oppsgal:
Learn to save pocket money?ksi:
[quote=\"snowman.697\"]If your child decides to waste his pocket money on prepaid value without any left to eat or drink then it is their problem. Because the money is theirs and they choose how they're gonna spend it. But they will have to pay the price themselves because again, that is their money.
A child has no money to begin with.
Parents should train the kids to be more independent. If everything also control and force them to listen, then kids will never learn, will never grow up? some might even rebel, asked why parents always want their own way, not listening to them?[/quote]Managing a child is like flying a kite. Independence is also earned as they build confidence in adults. -
ksi:
In my/our time... a child don't even has rights... :faint:snowman.697:
If your child decides to waste his pocket money on prepaid value without any left to eat or drink then it is their problem. Because the money is theirs and they choose how they're gonna spend it. But they will have to pay the price themselves because again, that is their money.
A child has no money to begin with. -
[Editor's note: Post selected for http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/rights-and-obligations.]
Today's children have money. They get ang pow money, birthday money, or save their pocket money. DS1's money box is very heavy. The problem is not the possession of money, but the management of money. Having money is not the same as knowing how to manage money. If my child decides to starve in order to buy phone card, to me, he doesn't know how to prioritise the use of his money, and that calls for a serious talk on money and priorities. If he decides to starve because he wants to buy an expensive item for a hobby I approve, to me that is real passion and I will contribute to the purchase of the item and help him pack food to school to save money. There will definitely be personal bias in the management of money and that is for every family to negotiate, and every individual to discover for himself.
A child must have rights. He has the right to safety and shelter and consideration, and while you may think this is goes without saying, that is not true. There are children who do not feel safe in their own homes, or who think that they must automatically bow down to adults. I do not encourage that, because not all adults are good or right. I want my children to know from a very young age that they have rights and they can stand up for them.
However within the family, every family member has an obligation to one another. The parent has the obligation to explain the rules, priorities and limitations of the family, be it time or money. The child has the obligation to respect these factors and to negotiate respectfully if he thinks otherwise.
As our children get older, things need to be renegotiated periodically.
As for the phone messages - I do think it's a lot, I know it's common, and I do know of parents who have confiscated phones from their teenage children over this issue. And to be honest, they are making things easier for the other half of the parents who feel unsure about confiscating and secretly heaving a sigh of relief that the other parent has solved the problem for them. But the main concern other than $$, is really uneasiness over not knowing what their kids are up to and concerns over time management. If you can address these, I'm sure it will work out fine. -
deminc:
A child must have rights. He has the right for safety and shelter and consideration, and while you may think this is goes without saying, that is not true. There are children who do not feel safe in their own homes, or who think that they must automatically bow down to adults. I do not encourage that, because not all adults are good or right. I want my children to know from a very young age to know that they have rights and they can stand up for them.
This is well said. It is moving and passionate and I so agree with it.deminc:
Well said too!However within the family, every family member has an obligation to one another. The parent has the obligation to explain the rules, priorities and limitations of the family, be it time or money. The child has the obligation to respect these factors and to negotiate respectfully if he thinks otherwise.
To add on here... I try to give my kids practice with time and money management as early as possible so that by secondary school I can trust them to make the right decisions and to take part in respectful dialogue with me.
There is a big difference between relationships where
(1) parent and child are defending their own rights (and blind to the rights of the other)
(2) parent and child are respecting the rights of the other (and aware of their own rights)
Snowman seems to be in a position where he has to defend his rights and in a defensive strategy, he will naturally attack the rights of his parent too. If one side can invoke peace and gentleness, it may help (or not...).
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