Extra Marital Affair
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buds:
Now that we are on this topic of swingers, I recall recalling an article in a magazine about this lady. Her hubby kept wanting her to join the swingers club with him. Even tho' she initially found the idea sickening, she finally gave in to please her husband. Guess what? After a few rounds of sleeping around, her husband told her how cheap she was & he left her for another womanRRMummy:
..willing parties is one case.. then there are those who become victims due to their idiotic partners..
Agree.
Nuff said.
! In the first place, it was his idea for her to sleeping with other partners & maybe she thought that by complying, she could keep her marriage but how wrong she was!
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Hi Insider,
I gotta salute you for your courage for sharing with us and forgiving and moving on! :celebrate: -
Honey:
At the end of the day, you've got to respect your own body. In the heat of the moment, the hubby may think its such a wonderful idea, but forgetting he is effectively 'pimping' his wife to other men. How many men can really be comfortable with the idea of other men having sex with their wives? In the asian context, very very few, I suspect. Wives must stand firm on this if they find it repugnant, until their idiot husbands come around to their senses.
Now that we are on this topic of swingers, I recall recalling an article in a magazine about this lady. Her hubby kept wanting her to join the swingers club with him. Even tho' she initially found the idea sickening, she finally gave in to please her husband. Guess what? After a few rounds of sleeping around, her husband told her how cheap she was & he left her for another woman ! In the first place, it was his idea for her to sleeping with other partners & maybe she thought that by complying, she could keep her marriage but how wrong she was!
Call me old fashioned, but one can really see where the biblical injunctions and admonishments against sex outside of the marriage really sets the tone for protection of the relationship between husband and wife, and secures the family unit. -
insider:
Dear Insider, thank u for sharing ur story wif us..... it's one thing to forgive DH but it takes a big big loving heart to be able to forgive a bestie tat has commited such an unforgivable act and the wound is cut deeper by virtue of her being such close friend...... not to mention still meeting each other every now and then...... how can still trust a frd like tat???? I wud nvr be able to forgive her and probably buy a voodoo doll and stick pins all over her hahaha :ugogirl:.
The incidence was many years back. It does have a kind of shadow in me but it’s not such a bad one. I reconciled with X too and today we are still the best of friends. My husband and X still will meet now and then during festivals and occasions but I doubt anything will happen between them again as both should have learnt their lessons.
Given an incidence like this, I can choose to lose both my husband and my best friend or choose to have them both. Having them both still makes me a much happier person… -
Insider, I salute again and I am very touch after reading it. It really make me think twice about my move. But my husband had ONS in April last year which I had ever forgave him. Then started from April 08 till 10 Aug 09, he had an affair with a china pro with many intimacy at hotel 81 and heard that he had intimacy not only with one pro but many. I saw all the pro name in his HP. He still want to go out for drinking everynight although now he promised to come home and check my children school work before he go out. ONS I can forgive, even the pass affair, I can forgive, but moving forward he still insist to go drinking everynight and still carry the spare HP with many pro contact no. If I still forgive him and let him go everynight, will he turn to me and said he want to divorce when I am 50 years old. Those pro only 21 years old, he is 23yrs older than them. How to forgive???
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Thanks alot Insider! I will stay cool and think about my move again. You are right that I still love my husband and keep forgiving him for whatever he did to me and also worry about my children, my main concern. Will try to talk to my HB to an agreement and monitor him for a fews more months. If he cannot change, I need to change and accept him as what he is. Giving everybody a chance, my husband, my children and myself.
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My sympathy to Windy, it's really hard to live with someone who doesn't spare a thought for her feelings.
My GF faces similar problems too. Her husband is an addict by nature, gamble, smoke, gaming, porn surfing and downloading (hobby), and visiting pros too. She found out his visits 3 years ago and that's when he trys to stop. So far, he has stopped visiting pros (hopefully this will last), apparently, he used to visit pros when they were dating, she wasn't aware back then, only found out after he was caught 3 years ago. And she did spot some sms in his hp to pimp after her discovery. That's why she can't be sure of his words. Her husband at time will MIA and later claim hp network failure. She has given up asking him to be available for contact.
Now to save their marriage, he told her he will give up porn totally (as wife couldn't stand porn, a constant reminder that her husband likes variety and their sex is poor). He will also not hit her, this started to happen when they argue (only after she found out about his trysts). Before he was never violent to her.
However, my GF checked his pc and found out he is still surfing porn. Mind you, we're talking about serious search and download for porn here, with multiple 360G harddisks for backups and download. They have 2 young children but she really feels like throwing in the towel now. She doesn't think she can withstand further betrayal. And she worries about her kids future too.
She said her husband comes back early every day and tries to fetch kids home, weekend always spend together as family time. There're rarely time for themselves as couple or individual. And he always say the family should stay intact for kids, which she doesn't object - just very scared and insecure that his action are momentary. My GF gets upset and uncomfortable whenever his glance drift to a young female target when they're out as a family. He accused her of paranoid and she felt he's not owning up to his acts.
He did previously say he won't do a lot of things, but each time, he eats his words. Also, it may appear that he loves the family that's why he wants to hang out so much, but she's not sure of that. He always told her, he turned down other outings to please her and make her feel secure what more does she wants? :roll: Love and respect lah!
Talk about still loving him, she can't answer that. She feels in her heart, they're better off as friends then spouse now. As friend, she can accept his weakness for young girls, as spouse, she can't. It'll always be at the back of her mind she said.
She's said the relationship has reach a plain, amicable stage and wonder if she should divorce now instead of trying to salvage something that might have been gone. She feels sure that if her marriage is stranded at this point, it's surely bound for future problems with women.
Wise Insider, what would you say? you said before, that we should be forgiving and look beyond flaws. Will she be thot of as a failure for opting to leave despite her husband has 'changed'? To stay is a default, to leave would be a choice that takes lots of courage. -
insider:
PS: I have a male friend (ex schoolmate) who patronises prostitutes now and then. Will share his views on why he is doing all these despite having a wife who seems to be good and two kids...
Do share.
Sometimes it beats me why men are like what they are.
My guy friend who kanna STD (under treatment now), has very loose values of LOVE and SEX. Hope he recovers and changes his views of women as just sex (and brainless) objects. -
I would like to urge all those whose friend is having marital issues, to be more attentive & supportive towards her\him. This is a very stressful period for your friend and may cause her\him to slip into depression.
Be there for her\him. Be it a listerning ear or a shoulder to cry on. It would help. -
Wow, what a small world of mentality. That was very similar to what my GF said about her husband…
What I heard, his porn downloads are a wide range of fantasies, from groupys to SM. Lots of young girls photos, from Japs to Chinese and Thais. After he had admitted to those tyrsts, he asked my GF for anal sex and attempted new positions too. She had caved in to those requests thinking that it was all her fault that her husband strayed. However, during their sex, she felt she was being treated like an object, it was not two-way, just a one way satisfaction. He just wanted to do whatever he felt high. And the anal sex made her felt wasted, worse than a pro. And worst, she felt ill and got some ‘side-effects’. She told her husband that anal sex had caused some problems for her and he ignored her. She finally put her foot down and said if it’s anal that he wanted, it’s not with her. Thereafter, their sex was ok, except I heard, that he passed mild SD to her and caused an infection relapsed everytime they have sex. So now another reason to get less interested in each other. My GF went to see doc but she said her husband taking it lightly and kinda blame her for his condition too. Like he was ok, until they have sex kinda theory.
All these while in their marriage, when she asked him whether he is happy with their sexual relationship, he always says ‘yes’, nothing to add. I’ve heard my GF said before, that her husband mentality is, pay the bills, be at home on most days, but reserve his ‘privacy’ time. Although he says he will stopped all nonsense, she felt it is more of a divorce stopper than sincere repentance.
I wonder if Insider’s friend’s wife also is as forgiving as Insider. Like you said, she is no ‘goon’ too.
Then again, in my GF case, her husband look like a decent guy, quiet, specky, work in office, you would never suspect this nonsense. Her counselor felt he is living a double life. Perhaps he too gets recharged after pro visits, as far as my GF is concerned, he can be exceptionally patient and nice when he felt guilty towards her and kids. On other days, he is into himself and his many addictions, less on kids and her.
Well, I guess the start of all these betrayal was her two pregnancies. They were unplanned and at first he didn’t want any too. But he still encouraged her to keep the babies. And from there, I felt his ‘love’ for her was revealed. It didn’t go far. It certainly didn’t include their beautiful children until recently (if any). My GF can’t phantom, why he can’t love her and her kids? She didn’t gain weight after both pregnancies (too stress to gain weight) and still looks good, she can’t understand why can’t her husband accept her totally?
She said sometimes when she saw other husband and wife on street, both ordinary looking and so loving, she felt so envious of them. She felt she could never have this type of relationship with her husband anymore. She had somehow, only now unveil the ‘real’ him and having two thoughts about it. He made her felt worthless and little in the last 3 years. Her husband like to tell her, ‘all is fine’, but if so, why did he treat her that way?
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