All About Full-Time Maids
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I agree with bzmum. Helpers should never smack a kid, especially in anger. I think you should talk to your maid about this. As parents, we may want to smack our kids, but I feel that helpers should never be allowed to, because they may not know when to stop.
It sounds like your helper has hit your girl before? Then it seems to be becoming a habit. I think you have to tell your helper very firmly that in singapore, hitting a child can be considered child abuse. She is an adult, she is more in control of her actions than a child. Your dd is still a kid, even if what she has done is not right.
I guess youโll have to try telling your dd that itโs not okay to hit other ppl, and when she hits other ppl, they can get angry and hit her back. -
Thanks ongmum for ur advise as well..
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omgmum:
omgmum,mlim650,
must be frustrating for your mum! Did you talk to your helper about this? I told my helper that she must never be rude to me or any of my family members or me.
Still can't decide if showing a black face and smirking etc is considered rude.
Would you tolerate a maid who shows a black face, but who still talks politely to you?
Your situation reminds me of one of the scene in a HK drama serial that I've watched. The helper always has a black face, but she is v good in her job....but the grown-up kids dun like her and complained to the father of the household abt her black face. So the father told them...the helper is here to do work, not to smile at you :rotflmao: .
So if your maid can do her job well and she is humble and will change when you tell her she did wrong (ie dun talk back), then shld not be bothered abt her black face. Just dun look at her face unless necessary. -
mintymin, any idea why your dd is acting up? My dd acts up when she doesnโt nap, or when she wants attention. Maybe your girl wants some attention too?
If thatโs the case, then maybe your helper can set aside the work for a work and entertain your girl? -
bzmum,
hahaha! I guess you're right! I try to ignore her when she's showing a black face, unless she starts banging things as well, or she's outright rude. My sil's ex-maid was a very surly person, but she was quite good in her job, so that's why I keep reminding myself of that.
How about maids touching your personal belongings without permission? I get super irritated when they my skin care, go through my things without my permission. -
omgmum:
ongmum, my DD2 has tis ็่พๆฐ๏ผ but she only do it do helper leh.. to DH n me, she dun dare.. n i noe helper aws like to disturb them, so i told helper tat she asked for it at times..mintymin, any idea why your dd is acting up? My dd acts up when she doesn't nap, or when she wants attention. Maybe your girl wants some attention too?
If that's the case, then maybe your helper can set aside the work for a work and entertain your girl?
But sometimes DD2 dun wan to bath.. she will carry her into bathroom.. den DD2 will beat her.. but often if i see tis happen, i will bath DD2 my own.. feeding also my own.. it is like tis kind of small matters DD2 like not happy w helper.. n also at times will push blame to helper for certain tings too.. so m not sure watz wrong.. -
omgmum:
Your DD2 is still young, may hv trouble understanding the concept of not hitting others. She may be copying the behaviour of adults in the house or that of her bro/sis. You will hv to keep a lookout for such acts and stop them. You will also hv to keep reinforcing that she cannot hit others. Plse also tell your older kids that it is not right to retaliate when one is being hit. I hv this strong feeling fr what you mentioned earlier abt your DD1's comments that she thinks that it is ok for the helper to hit her sister 'cos her sister hit the helper 1st. Plse tell her older kids to let you or your mum know if the helper hit them or they see the helper hitting the younger kid. Sometimes, they dun understand n they think that it is ok. So as parents, we hv to educate them.I agree with bzmum. Helpers should never smack a kid, especially in anger. I think you should talk to your maid about this. As parents, we may want to smack our kids, but I feel that helpers should never be allowed to, because they may not know when to stop.
It sounds like your helper has hit your girl before? Then it seems to be becoming a habit. I think you have to tell your helper very firmly that in singapore, hitting a child can be considered child abuse. She is an adult, she is more in control of her actions than a child. Your dd is still a kid, even if what she has done is not right.
I guess you'll have to try telling your dd that it's not okay to hit other ppl, and when she hits other ppl, they can get angry and hit her back.
As for your helper, if u still wan to keep her, plse issue strong warning. If I were you, I will change since this is not the 1st time she is caught hitting your kids. She is obviously not suitable to take care of young kids 'cos she seems unable to tolerate them n is losing self-control. You won't want unpleasant things to happen and you get to regret it. -
MintyMin:
my dd is the same! She quite likes the helper, but she will also do things like slap the helper or blow saliva at her. I will scold my dd in front of the helper, and sometimes even smack her. But I will tell my helper that I can smack my dd, and she can't, because I'm the mother!
ongmum, my DD2 has tis ็่พๆฐ๏ผ but she only do it do helper leh.. to DH n me, she dun dare.. n i noe helper aws like to disturb them, so i told helper tat she asked for it at times..omgmum:
mintymin, any idea why your dd is acting up? My dd acts up when she doesn't nap, or when she wants attention. Maybe your girl wants some attention too?
If that's the case, then maybe your helper can set aside the work for a work and entertain your girl?
But sometimes DD2 dun wan to bath.. she will carry her into bathroom.. den DD2 will beat her.. but often if i see tis happen, i will bath DD2 my own.. feeding also my own.. it is like tis kind of small matters DD2 like not happy w helper.. n also at times will push blame to helper for certain tings too.. so m not sure watz wrong..
Guess you'll have to work on both your daughter and your helper. Your helper is supposed to help with your kids as well as housework, and she's left alone with your kids? Then really must tell her that there are other ways to discipline your girl. If your girl is really throwing a tantrum, your helper should just ignore her instead of hitting her. -
omgmum:
How about maids touching your personal belongings without permission? I get super irritated when they my skin care, go through my things without my permission.
Things that I dun wan maid to touch/see will be kept in cupboards/drawers which are out of bounds to her. Our master bedroom is on restricted access to the helper. My skin care is in the master bedroom toilet. She only gets to go inside once a day to do area cleaning, with my permission. So long as she dun attempt to use my skincare, if she wans to see, she can see all she wans
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bzmum22:
Your DD2 is still young, may hv trouble understanding the concept of not hitting others. She may be copying the behaviour of adults in the house or that of her bro/sis. You will hv to keep a lookout for such acts and stop them. You will also hv to keep reinforcing that she cannot hit others. Plse also tell your older kids that it is not right to retaliate when one is being hit. I hv this strong feeling fr what you mentioned earlier abt your DD1's comments that she thinks that it is ok for the helper to hit her sister 'cos her sister hit the helper 1st. Plse tell her older kids to let you or your mum know if the helper hit them or they see the helper hitting the younger kid. Sometimes, they dun understand n they think that it is ok. So as parents, we hv to educate them.
As for your helper, if u still wan to keep her, plse issue strong warning. If I were you, I will change since this is not the 1st time she is caught hitting your kids. She is obviously not suitable to take care of young kids 'cos she seems unable to tolerate them n is losing self-control. You won't want unpleasant things to happen and you get to regret it.
My kids noe it is wrong to hit others, tatz for sure.. Except for DD1,as she has weird temper.. but now she's ok liao.. but both my older kids doesnt hit back when we hit them for doing the wrong tings.. But i noe i shld tell my kids too tat no matter wat.. it is not right for helper to hit them no matter who started it first, n i shld b the one disciplining the notti one..
Hmm.. tot of changing, but due to some factors i will haf to monitor a while more b4 strongly demanding tat i change her..
Thanks for ur advance, really appreciate it.
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