All About Full-Time Maids

[omgmum]

mlim650,


must be frustrating for your mum! Did you talk to your helper about this? I told my helper that she must never be rude to me or any of my family members or me.

Still can’t decide if showing a black face and smirking etc is considered rude.

Would you tolerate a maid who shows a black face, but who still talks politely to you?

[MintyMin]

Hi bzmum22,


Thanks for answering my qns..

I have 3 kids in all, DS =5.5, DD1=4, DD2=2.5..

Helper has been w me for 6mths only. No experience but quite smart, noe her rights, etc.. She's a Phil..

I told her juz last mth she cannot beat my kids no matter wat.. n she told me ok.. but the incident happened again ytd.. sigh.. M going to speak to her tonight..

Want to seek opinions frm parents here to b sure tat i m not wrong in disallowing my maid to discipline my kids..

[omgmum]

I agree with bzmum. Helpers should never smack a kid, especially in anger. I think you should talk to your maid about this. As parents, we may want to smack our kids, but I feel that helpers should never be allowed to, because they may not know when to stop.


It sounds like your helper has hit your girl before? Then it seems to be becoming a habit. I think you have to tell your helper very firmly that in singapore, hitting a child can be considered child abuse. She is an adult, she is more in control of her actions than a child. Your dd is still a kid, even if what she has done is not right.

I guess you’ll have to try telling your dd that it’s not okay to hit other ppl, and when she hits other ppl, they can get angry and hit her back.

[MintyMin]

Thanks ongmum for ur advise as well..

[bzmum22]

omgmum:

mlim650,


must be frustrating for your mum! Did you talk to your helper about this? I told my helper that she must never be rude to me or any of my family members or me.

Still can't decide if showing a black face and smirking etc is considered rude.

Would you tolerate a maid who shows a black face, but who still talks politely to you?

omgmum,
Your situation reminds me of one of the scene in a HK drama serial that I've watched. The helper always has a black face, but she is v good in her job....but the grown-up kids dun like her and complained to the father of the household abt her black face. So the father told them...the helper is here to do work, not to smile at you :rotflmao: .
So if your maid can do her job well and she is humble and will change when you tell her she did wrong (ie dun talk back), then shld not be bothered abt her black face. Just dun look at her face unless necessary.

[omgmum]

mintymin, any idea why your dd is acting up? My dd acts up when she doesn’t nap, or when she wants attention. Maybe your girl wants some attention too?


If that’s the case, then maybe your helper can set aside the work for a work and entertain your girl?

[omgmum]

bzmum,


hahaha! I guess you're right! I try to ignore her when she's showing a black face, unless she starts banging things as well, or she's outright rude. My sil's ex-maid was a very surly person, but she was quite good in her job, so that's why I keep reminding myself of that.

How about maids touching your personal belongings without permission? I get super irritated when they my skin care, go through my things without my permission.

[MintyMin]

omgmum:

mintymin, any idea why your dd is acting up? My dd acts up when she doesn't nap, or when she wants attention. Maybe your girl wants some attention too?


If that's the case, then maybe your helper can set aside the work for a work and entertain your girl?

ongmum, my DD2 has tis 牛脾气， but she only do it do helper leh.. to DH n me, she dun dare.. n i noe helper aws like to disturb them, so i told helper tat she asked for it at times..

But sometimes DD2 dun wan to bath.. she will carry her into bathroom.. den DD2 will beat her.. but often if i see tis happen, i will bath DD2 my own.. feeding also my own.. it is like tis kind of small matters DD2 like not happy w helper.. n also at times will push blame to helper for certain tings too.. so m not sure watz wrong..

[bzmum22]

omgmum:

I agree with bzmum. Helpers should never smack a kid, especially in anger. I think you should talk to your maid about this. As parents, we may want to smack our kids, but I feel that helpers should never be allowed to, because they may not know when to stop.


It sounds like your helper has hit your girl before? Then it seems to be becoming a habit. I think you have to tell your helper very firmly that in singapore, hitting a child can be considered child abuse. She is an adult, she is more in control of her actions than a child. Your dd is still a kid, even if what she has done is not right.

I guess you'll have to try telling your dd that it's not okay to hit other ppl, and when she hits other ppl, they can get angry and hit her back.

Your DD2 is still young, may hv trouble understanding the concept of not hitting others. She may be copying the behaviour of adults in the house or that of her bro/sis. You will hv to keep a lookout for such acts and stop them. You will also hv to keep reinforcing that she cannot hit others. Plse also tell your older kids that it is not right to retaliate when one is being hit. I hv this strong feeling fr what you mentioned earlier abt your DD1's comments that she thinks that it is ok for the helper to hit her sister 'cos her sister hit the helper 1st. Plse tell her older kids to let you or your mum know if the helper hit them or they see the helper hitting the younger kid. Sometimes, they dun understand n they think that it is ok. So as parents, we hv to educate them.

As for your helper, if u still wan to keep her, plse issue strong warning. If I were you, I will change since this is not the 1st time she is caught hitting your kids. She is obviously not suitable to take care of young kids 'cos she seems unable to tolerate them n is losing self-control. You won't want unpleasant things to happen and you get to regret it.

[omgmum]

MintyMin:

omgmum:

mintymin, any idea why your dd is acting up? My dd acts up when she doesn't nap, or when she wants attention. Maybe your girl wants some attention too?


If that's the case, then maybe your helper can set aside the work for a work and entertain your girl?

ongmum, my DD2 has tis 牛脾气， but she only do it do helper leh.. to DH n me, she dun dare.. n i noe helper aws like to disturb them, so i told helper tat she asked for it at times..

But sometimes DD2 dun wan to bath.. she will carry her into bathroom.. den DD2 will beat her.. but often if i see tis happen, i will bath DD2 my own.. feeding also my own.. it is like tis kind of small matters DD2 like not happy w helper.. n also at times will push blame to helper for certain tings too.. so m not sure watz wrong..

my dd is the same! She quite likes the helper, but she will also do things like slap the helper or blow saliva at her. I will scold my dd in front of the helper, and sometimes even smack her. But I will tell my helper that I can smack my dd, and she can't, because I'm the mother!

Guess you'll have to work on both your daughter and your helper. Your helper is supposed to help with your kids as well as housework, and she's left alone with your kids? Then really must tell her that there are other ways to discipline your girl. If your girl is really throwing a tantrum, your helper should just ignore her instead of hitting her.