In-law problems?

[janet88]

mmlim:

Hi ectanz, my PIL suggested for me and hb to move in with them. My hb was moved and I can see his wish to do so, but I am a tad worried after reading all these threads.

Even if your PILs are not the scary type...it's still much better to be 'hi-and-bye' than staying together...同住难. Definitely better to have 2 households than living under one roof together.

[Angelight]

I totally agree with janet, unless your MIL is one of those rare ones who treats/loves you like her own daughter…

[sall]

At first, the PIL will all say the same things - can help look after the kids, can help cook, do housework… After shifting in, then the NIGHTMARE begins…

[janet88]

sall:

At first, the PIL will all say the same things - can help look after the kids, can help cook, do housework... After shifting in, then the NIGHTMARE begins...

If they shift into YOUR place, it becomes THEIRS because they feel that the house belongs to their son...if you shift into THEIR house, obviously you will feel like an outsider. Initially the first few months will be sweet with them cooking and doing housework, but my worry for you is only a matter of time they get fed-up and you lose your say and freedom. Do consider properly.

[Kippletoon]

janet_lee88:

sall:

At first, the PIL will all say the same things - can help look after the kids, can help cook, do housework... After shifting in, then the NIGHTMARE begins...

If they shift into YOUR place, it becomes THEIRS because they feel that the house belongs to their son...if you shift into THEIR house, obviously you will feel like an outsider. Initially the first few months will be sweet with them cooking and doing housework, but my worry for you is only a matter of time they get fed-up and you lose your say and freedom. Do consider properly.

I totally agree with janet_lee88 as I am stuck in the scenario she described above. Mil behaves like she is the queen of the household. My friends put simply ' 请神容易送神难'.

[ectanz]

Kippletoon:

janet_lee88:

[quote=\"sall\"]At first, the PIL will all say the same things - can help look after the kids, can help cook, do housework... After shifting in, then the NIGHTMARE begins...

If they shift into YOUR place, it becomes THEIRS because they feel that the house belongs to their son...if you shift into THEIR house, obviously you will feel like an outsider. Initially the first few months will be sweet with them cooking and doing housework, but my worry for you is only a matter of time they get fed-up and you lose your say and freedom. Do consider properly.

I totally agree with janet_lee88 as I am stuck in the scenario she described above. Mil behaves like she is the queen of the household. My friends put simply ' 请神容易送神难'.[/quote]Initially my MIL even suggested to my hb b4 to purchase a landed property together with my BIL (her elder son) n stay all together under one roof. Immediately I :siam: . Not only it is difficult to stay together with my PIL but with more ppls staying together, it becomes more complicated especially money matter involves.

[Flowermonaster]

Hi, I’m new in this thread. My mum is one of the "difficult" MILs. I love my mum dont be mistaken but she is still very difficult to live with. Luckily all my SILs do not have to live with her and my mum also refuse to stay with anyone of them despite my elder brother’s invitation.

My mum is a good cook but she is terrible in disciplining/teaching her grandchildren. She has no patient. When the child cries, she will try to pacify the kid for a minute or so and will gets irritated when it fails to work. She will then comment the kid very naughty and difficult to take care.
She always think that she is a good MIL but she didn’t know that she loves to criticize her DILs behind their back to her daughters. If her DIL or Son-I-L offended her unknowingly, she will give them cold shoulder. She will help out When my elder SIL fall sick but will definitely commented something bad about her to us. I dont know if my SIL prefer her not to help as we did not openly discuss on this. My mum don’t openly tell them but she will nag & nag in front of us or call us to complaint. My DH will always agree to whatever my mum said so as to make her happy. My elder SIL will just ignore her as she knows that whatever she do, my mum will not be happy. My younger SIL was under my mum’s attack a few years ago for not able to give birth. Luckily she has given birth to a healthy BB girl 6mths ago.
My mum is not only harsh to her DIL, she is equally harsh with her own daughters. But in my heart I know that she meant well to all of us. It’s just that she wants everyone to follow her, to please her.
My English is not so good so do pardon me for any mistake here.

[Flowermonaster]

With such a difficult-to-please mother, I have no problem handling my MIL. That does not mean there is no issue, it’s just that I learned to 大事化小，小事化无.

[janet88]

Hubby's sister called me an idiot when I didn't do anything :mad: ...in fact I stay MILES apart and MANY ARMS LENGTH from his family. Yet, she has the cheek to ask hubby for Chinese story books/preschool ones which my kids have outgrown...I told my hubby I would rather dump them away than to give to her. Really feel like giving her 2 tight slaps :spank:


So ladies, please DON'T ever consider staying together with in-laws...not only do you have to suffer their nonsense but the siblings' crap as well.

[Flowermonaster]

In some situation it might be difficult to say no (to stay together). So in such circumstances will tell myself these:

1) PIL old already so might not live long so just endure lah
2) when we grow old & sick will want our children to take care, so dont want to set bad example for my DS as kid nowadays learn by example
3) Keep thinking of their good points (if your PIL got no good points then how about they give birth & bring up your DS? If all else failed then we still can let out frustration in KSP forum like now) :roll:

I am not an expert in this, just want to share my methods which might not work for everyone.