In-law problems?
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ectanz:
Hi Ectanz, I do understand how you feel even though my IL's never do that.(I think, as i never \"caught\" them before) My mum is the one who will do that to her DILs and Children. Whenever we tried to reprimand our children, she will side with her grandchildren, scold us openly and behind our back console the kids using inappropriate words! I fully understand she 心疼 her grandchildren but not at the expense of us! How are we going to teach our kids the right values? So my SIL don't like to visit my mum. I don't really blame her.I am okay with this but the only thing tat I am unhappy abt is tat they will intervene whenever we try to reprimand my dd1 if she made a mistake. Instead my MIL will immediately tell my hb off in front of my dd1. Behind his back, she told my dd1 which i overheard tat my hd was insane, no need to bother with his words. Really :mad:
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pingathot:
And I don't suggest staying too near too. They'll just pop-in whenever they like. Sometimes Sunday we would like to snuggle on bed but fil will knock on the door at 6 plus early in the morning. I d mentioned to my mil and guess what my fil said \" The sun already out\" what? still early? Sometimes fil will pop in and sit at the living room watching TV without speaking. He'll come anytime any day whenever he has no where to go. Oh my god! That's my case when we stayed so near. At the end, I decided to sell our house! Mayb I m too much but I cld not tolerate anymore. When they learnt that I moved back to my parents', can you imagine how they feel? HA HA!
OMG :yikes: Go to your place to watch TV ? The TV in your house must have sharper resolution... :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Stay nearby will also have this problem of gate-crashing...much better if staying both ends of Singapore like East and West like my case.
I don't fancy the idea of his mother staying near...she will come uninvited to see what I have in my house...she has done that before and hinted for a set of keys...pretended NOT to hear and told hubby NO WAY. -
Better not to stay together or nearby unless u need their help daily. Otherwise, there’s no privacy to talk about!!
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In-laws alway want to be the angel and we the parents r the devil!!
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Flowermonaster:
Hi flowermonaster, I hv tried to instill the correct values in my dd1 when she was young. However, due to my MIL's intervention in our teaching values, sometime I unsure whether my dd1 will confuse by our conflicting values. Fortunately, my dd1 will be gg to P1 next yr, by then I shld be able to find excuse to minimize the no. Of trip to their place.
How are we going to teach our kids the right values? So my SIL don't like to visit my mum. I don't really blame her.ectanz:
I am okay with this but the only thing tat I am unhappy abt is tat they will intervene whenever we try to reprimand my dd1 if she made a mistake. Instead my MIL will immediately tell my hb off in front of my dd1. Behind his back, she told my dd1 which i overheard tat my hd was insane, no need to bother with his words. Really :mad:
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kids_r_innocent:
Better not to stay together or nearby unless u need their help daily. Otherwise, there's no privacy to talk about!!
I wish I can. Previously, they r staying in west n in order not to stay too near to them, I purposely instigated my hb to apply new flat at north east. But hor, they sell their flat n moved to east, juz 15 mins drive. Sian men! -
last night as usual i had to fetch my boy home. when it was time to go home after dinner, my boy threw temper & refused to wear his shoes,so mil tel him nicely he’s gg home liao, must wear shoes. so my boy sit down & wear his shoes but the moment i walk out of their front door(i expect my boy to follow behind me), my boy threw temper, started crying & screaming again. so i asked him wats wrong? Y are u crying? immediately mil came up & carry my boy & tel me he doesnt want to go home. i tel her aiya this morning oso like that, throw temper. & when my mil carry my boy, she saw my son staring at me & said in a frightened tone "Y is he staring at u like tat? as though u look so scary!" the worst thing is she can carry on telling my boy how scary i look which is NOT TRUE.
sign…at this moment i really want to push her away & bring my boy home.Wat nonsenses is she yaking abt? my boy is not even staring at me, he was looking at the aeroplane in the sky…i was already pek chek cos after a long day at work i juz want to quickly fetch my son & go home. -
Why ur MIL said in a frightened tone? Now is 7mth, she trying to scare who? Or she scare herself for nothing? How old is ur DS? I think should be quite young.
mummyJune:
last night as usual i had to fetch my boy home. when it was time to go home after dinner, my boy threw temper & refused to wear his shoes,so mil tel him nicely he's gg home liao, must wear shoes. so my boy sit down & wear his shoes but the moment i walk out of their front door(i expect my boy to follow behind me), my boy threw temper, started crying & screaming again. so i asked him wats wrong? Y are u crying? immediately mil came up & carry my boy & tel me he doesnt want to go home. i tel her aiya this morning oso like that, throw temper. & when my mil carry my boy, she saw my son staring at me & said in a frightened tone \"Y is he staring at u like tat? as though u look so scary!\" the worst thing is she can carry on telling my boy how scary i look which is NOT TRUE.
sign..at this moment i really want to push her away & bring my boy home.Wat nonsenses is she yaking abt? my boy is not even staring at me, he was looking at the aeroplane in the sky...i was already pek chek cos after a long day at work i juz want to quickly fetch my son & go home. -
mmlim:
Hi ectanz, my PIL suggested for me and hb to move in with them. My hb was moved and I can see his wish to do so, but I am a tad worried after reading all these threads.
Hi mmlim,
IMO, it's hard to advice......cos' it all depends on the 'chemistry' you have with your PILs and whether you can blend and accept the different lifestyle/habits.
I have shifted in with PILs previously when newly married and waiting for my own house. Tho relationship was cordial, I was very conscious about everything I did....but it was easier then cos' no kids and I knew it was a temp arrangement.
So if b4 your marriage, you already have issues and do not think you can accommodate those issues permanently, best is not to stay together.....unless you wish to give it a chance. Also, if you are the one shifting in....it gets a little more challenging cos' you will be under THEIR roof. So gotta consider carefully.
Later, PILs shifted in permanently. But in a way, I feel that I have the upperhand. So tho my PILs irk me in many ways, being the owner do give me a little more 'power' to refuse/reject certain things.....but that said, it also depends on how supportive is the hubby and how demanding/controlling are the PILs.
As for staying near, it can be an option.....but dun think it's a good idea to give them full access to the house. My MIL also wanted her other children's housekeys (staying within walking distance), but kena rejected by all cos' they know MIL will turn up at their house if she has the key.
Well, 相见容易， 相处难 so do discuss with your hubby and try to raise all your concerns and know your hubby's stand in those issues first.
Eg.
# MIL wants clothes to be handwashed but mine are 90% machine-washed, will DH end up side MIL and expect me to handwash everything?
# PILs are of different religion, what is expected of me etc etc.
Am a bit embarrassed, but you will be surprised that while some things may look very trivial to others, it may end up to be the cause of a lot of quarrels/resentment later. So good to clarify beforehand. -
my son is 2yrs+. now can say he is in the 'terrible 2' stage. but old folks duno wat is terrible twos, they say no such thing, kids r juz kids.
ya, im fedup, now is 7mth, who is she trying to scare..haiz...luckly i dun live with her or else i sure go mad very fast :torchme:Flowermonaster:
Why ur MIL said in a frightened tone? Now is 7mth, she trying to scare who? Or she scare herself for nothing? How old is ur DS? I think should be quite young.
mummyJune:
last night as usual i had to fetch my boy home. when it was time to go home after dinner, my boy threw temper & refused to wear his shoes,so mil tel him nicely he's gg home liao, must wear shoes. so my boy sit down & wear his shoes but the moment i walk out of their front door(i expect my boy to follow behind me), my boy threw temper, started crying & screaming again. so i asked him wats wrong? Y are u crying? immediately mil came up & carry my boy & tel me he doesnt want to go home. i tel her aiya this morning oso like that, throw temper. & when my mil carry my boy, she saw my son staring at me & said in a frightened tone \"Y is he staring at u like tat? as though u look so scary!\" the worst thing is she can carry on telling my boy how scary i look which is NOT TRUE.
sign..at this moment i really want to push her away & bring my boy home.Wat nonsenses is she yaking abt? my boy is not even staring at me, he was looking at the aeroplane in the sky...i was already pek chek cos after a long day at work i juz want to quickly fetch my son & go home.
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