HELP NEEDED BADLY - Wife's temper hitting the roof
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Jennifer:
Hi Jennifer,LionIron:
Frankly I don't know what happened
She is member here and been reading this post?
Last time she views this website everyday to check my 3rd kid's Pri Sch probability. But after the Username/Password is needed, I think she may have stopped, its also because we got our choiced Pri sch for my 3rd kid !
Sorry, but I started to feel the heat from her again as PSLE draws nearer. Last night she worked my poor kid till 1:30am with lots of Disbelieve words like \"How can you donno this ? I have taught u million times\"... loud enough for 2 floors up and down to here... but its better than last time where u can hear it clearly downstairs.
Hey 12am and expecting the kid to think straight, focus and clear minded ? I can, but not a 12 year old with constant loud voices... can go bananas..
I'm going to start using all the Methods I have jotted down....
Wish me luck ! -
LionIron:
Wish me luck !
Wish you and your family all the best.
These days I also find myself shouting more at the youngest one. Hm, must control, control. -
oh dear, 1.30am,still coaching your kid?
I think she is too eager to help and has forgotten that he/she is a kid afterall.
Sometime, while coaching, I also over board, but after sitting down, cool down then can think straight...
Maybe, if she has got some friends that she can talk to, she will feel better and see thing from the different light...
rgds
JoyLionIron:
Hi Jennifer,
Last time she views this website everyday to check my 3rd kid's Pri Sch probability. But after the Username/Password is needed, I think she may have stopped, its also because we got our choiced Pri sch for my 3rd kid !
Sorry, but I started to feel the heat from her again as PSLE draws nearer. Last night she worked my poor kid till 1:30am with lots of Disbelieve words like \"How can you donno this ? I have taught u million times\"... loud enough for 2 floors up and down to here... but its better than last time where u can hear it clearly downstairs.
Hey 12am and expecting the kid to think straight, focus and clear minded ? I can, but not a 12 year old with constant loud voices... can go bananas..
I'm going to start using all the Methods I have jotted down....
Wish me luck ! -
Wow … 1:30am and still working …
If my kids forget to learn their spelling / study for their test, and it’s bed time, off to bed they go. They just have to flunk the test and learnt the hard way that they need to learn how to manage their time. I get very worked up if they are not in bed by 10pm (by 10:30pm, i will be blowing my top) during school day.
Perhaps you could sit down with your child and draft out a study plan with him / her together. Negotiate with your wife that you would take over the coaching at night during this week’s holiday break, and then tell your child he needs to keep his bargain and stick to the study plan. Let your child know that if he co-operates with you, things might be easier.
Since your wife uses negative words, you need to be EXTREMELY encouraging and positive to your child, let him know you believe in him, that all it matters is that he put in his best effort, and no matter what happens, you will always love him. It is important that your child feels your love, more so during this trying period than ever.
Your unconditional love and believe in him trying his best will keep his morale and confidence from dipping further, and I consider these important too. Give him TONS of hugs and love. Do nothing, sit him on your lap and hug him tight for 5 minutes. No words need to be exchanged. Actions speak louder than words. -
LionIron:
Wow pls show your kids lots of love cos they wont be able to manage if both parents are \"hard\" on them and I fear they will grow up feeling angst and with lots of pent up frustrations.Last night she worked my poor kid till 1:30am with lots of Disbelieve words like \"How can you donno this ? I have taught u million times\"... loud enough for 2 floors up and down to here... but its better than last time where u can hear it clearly downstairs.
Wonder if your wife has some sort of an obsessive compulsive related disorder? Cos she seem to have lost rationality in her eagerness to do what she feels is \"right and best\" for the children... Which apparently is not...
Just my thots based on your posting. -
LionIron:
Every time my hubby comments that my son is slow at learning, I tell him this : \"It is not his fault. It is our fault for giving him these genes.\" Then he has nothing to say.Last night she worked my poor kid till 1:30am with lots of Disbelieve words like \"How can you donno this ? I have taught u million times\"... loud enough for 2 floors up and down to here... but its better than last time where u can hear it clearly downstairs.
There is a limit to a child's ability. While some children requires very few repetitions to learn, the majority of children require many repetitions in order to learn. There is no way that they can change, no matter how hard they try. As parents, since we are responsible for giving them this type of DNA, then we are responsible for teaching them as many times as they require. But of course, parents can be very bad teachers do, and perhaps she should re-examine her teaching style.
I really think that being nice to your wife is not going to work anymore. You should start by being honest with her. -
Maybe good to show your wife this article … That it is not normal to be obsessive or compulsive in bringing up our kids.
I pray that she does not go down the road that this lady in the article took.
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GIRL NOW MORE INDEPENDENT… after being taken from mum’s hands
Mum goes to girl’s school every day, kicks up fuss about her test papers. School calls police twice, and the authorities take action. -TNP
Wed, Sep 09, 2009
The New Paper
By Benson Ang
SHE went to her daughter’s school every day to have lunch with her. She kicked up a fuss about her daughter’s worksheets, test papers and consent forms.
Now the Juvenile Court has placed a Care and Protection Order on her daughter, 7, and has taken the child away.
The Primary 2 pupil is now living in a children’s home.
Related links:
»Older daughter is in the care of her grandfather
»School calls cops on pesky mum
We are not naming any party to protect the daughter.
The New Paper first reported on the mother’s obsessive behaviour with her daughter in July.
A spokesman for the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) said a Care and Protection Order can be made if a child or young person is assessed to be in need of care and protection under the Children and Young Persons Act.
He said: ‘A statutory order will be required in situations where there is concern about the safety and welfare of the child, and the family is not receptive to interventions to safeguard the child’s interests.’
Since then, the mother has been repeatedly calling the Ministry to ask about her daughter.
She told The New Paper recently that her daughter was taken away during school hours and placed in a home with other children earlier last month.
Her daughter is to remain there for three months for observation, the mother said.
She claimed this was because the Ministry had noticed her over-protective parenting style and was concerned it might affect her daughter’s future development.
MCYS would not disclose further information on the case because of the Care and Protection Order placed on the daughter.
The girl’s school principal, who has been working with the Ministry, said that ‘as educators, we want to nurture children to realise their potential’.
She observed that since the daughter was placed in the children’s home, she has become ‘a more responsible, independent child’.
‘Now she can really take care of herself. She can get up herself, bathe, and manage her own meals,’ said the principal.
She added that the child has a more positive approach to learning and is participating more in class activities. She also appears cheerful and is interacting better with the classmates.
‘We believe that as the pupil grows in confidence, the pupil will be able to fully immerse (herself) in the holistic learning experience which the school provides,’ she said.
‘Not in immediate danger’
But the mother, not unexpectedly, sees things differently.
She feels her daughter should not be placed in a home because it is a traumatic experience for both mother and child.
She claimed that her daughter was not facing any immediate danger.
She said that it is not as if her daughter is failing her subjects, or that she cannot function or is not sociable.
She added that her daughter has been a normal child who has been happily living with her for the last seven years.
She insisted that the way she had been treating her child was nothing out of the ordinary.
She admits to washing her daughter’s shoes, folding her clothes, washing her used plates and even bathing her, but added: ‘What’s wrong with a mother trying to help her daughter? There’s nothing wrong with pampering a child.’
She insisted that the principal had a personal grudge against her, but the principal said she was only looking out for the daughter’s interests.
The mother also claimed she was barred from joining the school’s parents support group, but the principal denied this.
According to the mother, the principal’s claims of her behaviour are ‘exaggerated’.
The mother insisted that she is the best person to look after her daughter. But if she isn’t allowed to do so, she suggested that the Ministry place her daughter with her parents who are taking care of her older daughter.
‘Cried & complained’
She was allowed to see her daughter late last month in the MCYS building at Thomson Road, she said.
She claimed that during this meeting, her daughter cried and complained that she was told to do house duties.
The mother also claimed she saw scratches, about 20cm long, on her daughter’s leg, apparently sustained when the latter fell in the children’s home.
The mother claimed that her daughter had rashes on her neck and on both arms. But she could not provide evidence of either the rashes or the injury.
MCYS would not comment on her claims because of the Care and Protection Order.
As for the mother’s request to place her daughter with her parents, the MCYS spokesman said: 'Efforts would be made to place siblings with the same caregiver whenever they are placed in alternative care.
‘However, this may not always be possible depending on the availability of caregivers.’
The spokesman said the CPS (Child Protection Service) would arrange for children in alternative care to maintain contact with their parents and other family members.
'In instances where there may be possible distress or anxiety faced by the child, CPS will seek a prior discussion with the parents before the commencement of contacts.
‘CPS will monitor the child’s well-being and work with the parents to address the child’s safety and welfare needs.’
This article was first published in The New Paper. -
LionIron, hope your wife realises what a gem she has in you. Many husbands in similar situation would rather stay away fm home as long as possible than to tackle the problem head-on.
Like one parent suggested, it is a good idea to video your wife when she’s having an outburst. She may not realise how ugly the whole situation is.
I’ve also had my share of tantrums with my child and sometimes, it amuses me that I’m actually more childish than the child. -
LionIron,
How are things going? YOu’ve been quite quiet eh?
Take care! -
Andaiz:
Hi Andaiz,LionIron,
How are things going? YOu've been quite quiet eh?
Take care!
I'm now in TaiPei and will be back tomorrow night.
These days I'm very busy with work and have no time for anything personal.
I also didn't call home to check on things as meetings and dinners took all my time here till late night every day.
She may be suffering from that compulsive disorder thing.
I think I need to engage things with her very carefully, NO heated conversations.
How to ask her to see a doctor ?
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