Inconsiderate people - what would you do?
-
What’s the problem with asking actually?
If you need the seat, then just ask "Excuse me, if you don’t mind, can you let me have the seat?". And definitely not "This seat is meant for those with special needs" right at the start.
Sometimes, it’s not easy to differentiate between a fat woman and one who is pregnant. It would be better if the person can just ask. And ask in a nice way, not giving the other party the impression of criticising him/her for doing something wrong.
Sometimes, the person might have taken the seat bcoz at the time of boarding, there is no needy pple and it is simply a waste of resources if the seat is left empty. And later on, a needy person might have boarded but did not catch the attention of the person with the seat. In this case, just asking nicely would usually do the trick. -
While i agree that there r inconsiderate pple who do give up their seats to the elderly or pregnant, there r also 2 sides to the coin. My mom was on tge train when a well dressed senior citizen boarded. A lady asked him nicely if he would like her seat n got reprimanded loudly by him for sittin in the reserved seat in the first place. She tried to explain that the train was quite empty n she was tired when she boarded but the man just shoved his senior citizen pass in her face n asked if she knows wat senior citizen means. Since she dun qualify, she doesnt deserve that reserved seat.
My mom was trying to tell me that if i offer my seat to old folks, walk away fr the grumpy ones, hahaha -
Mrsbongz:
I never heard of any law in SG that normal pple cannot take \"reserved\" seat.A lady asked him nicely if he would like her seat n got reprimanded loudly by him for sittin in the reserved seat in the first place. She tried to explain that the train was quite empty n she was tired when she boarded but the man just shoved his senior citizen pass in her face n asked if she knows wat senior citizen means. Since she dun qualify, she doesnt deserve that reserved seat.
If she doesn't offer that seat, he also LLST.. I would really like to see someone refusing to give up his seat and challenge him to call police..
Not that I condone ungracious behaviour but since the lady already offered her seat, why need to criticize her? And I really see no reason why should anyone let the resource go wasted (seats not taken).
That senior citizen really need to wake up his idea.. -
You asked what's the problem with asking? Well, not everyone is 'thick-skin\" or bold enough to ask. Most pple, which includes my mum, aren't.
And there is NOTHING wrong to take the reserved seats if the train or bus is empty. It is not a crime. But it is morally wrong if a person still sits on that reserved seat when someone more needy like a pregnant woman or elderly person needs that seat more than him, and he pretends not to see or worse, expects the other person to ask for the seat first. It just shows the inconsiderate person's character and upbringing. And I pity the boy for having such parents as \"role models\".limlim:
What's the problem with asking actually?
If you need the seat, then just ask \"Excuse me, if you don't mind, can you let me have the seat?\". And definitely not \"This seat is meant for those with special needs\" right at the start.
Sometimes, it's not easy to differentiate between a fat woman and one who is pregnant. It would be better if the person can just ask. And ask in a nice way, not giving the other party the impression of criticising him/her for doing something wrong.
Sometimes, the person might have taken the seat bcoz at the time of boarding, there is no needy pple and it is simply a waste of resources if the seat is left empty. And later on, a needy person might have boarded but did not catch the attention of the person with the seat. In this case, just asking nicely would usually do the trick. -
Mrsbongz, I agree with you that sometimes pple may not appreciate your kindness. I once gave up my seat (normal seat, not reserved) to an elderly woman on a train. She turned me down nicely, saying she is alighting soon. I sat down again, feeling a little embarrassed for being \"rejected\". But it's ok, at least I offered her my seat.
Mrsbongz:
While i agree that there r inconsiderate pple who do give up their seats to the elderly or pregnant, there r also 2 sides to the coin. My mom was on tge train when a well dressed senior citizen boarded. A lady asked him nicely if he would like her seat n got reprimanded loudly by him for sittin in the reserved seat in the first place. She tried to explain that the train was quite empty n she was tired when she boarded but the man just shoved his senior citizen pass in her face n asked if she knows wat senior citizen means. Since she dun qualify, she doesnt deserve that reserved seat.
My mom was trying to tell me that if i offer my seat to old folks, walk away fr the grumpy ones, hahaha -
You say your mom is not \"bold enough\" to ask, but bold enough to lecture someone that the seat is \"meant for someone with special needs\"? Trying to give a lecture will likely invoke the kind of response that she encountered. Maybe if she just ask nicely and say she needs the seat, the outcome might have been different..?
To the question of someone more needy, that is very subjective.. a 60yo can look fit, and a fat woman can appear like pregnant. If the person never say, how can others tell? Unless it is very obvious case.
Or if they are really paiseh and cannot open their mouth to ask, then, wear a tag or something so that others can identify them as \"needy\" people. Or wear the senior citizen pass outside.
As for pregnant woman, they should help themselves by always wearing maternity dress etc.. that way, it is easier for pple to judge and offer their seats accordingly, w/o end up embarrassing both parties. Saw some woman, looks like pregnant, wearing a loose dress but not a typical maternity dress, and wearing heels?!.. really can't tell whether they are fat or pregnant....Angelight:
You asked what's the problem with asking? Well, not everyone is 'thick-skin\" or bold enough to ask. Most pple, which includes my mum, aren't.
And there is NOTHING wrong to take the reserved seats if the train or bus is empty. It is not a crime. But it is morally wrong if a person still sits on that reserved seat when someone more needy like a pregnant woman or elderly person needs that seat more than him, and he pretends not to see or worse, expects the other person to ask for the seat first. It just shows the inconsiderate person's character and upbringing. And I pity the boy for having such parents as \"role models\".limlim:
What's the problem with asking actually?
If you need the seat, then just ask \"Excuse me, if you don't mind, can you let me have the seat?\". And definitely not \"This seat is meant for those with special needs\" right at the start. -
I tried pushing a baby stroller into the big mrt gate that is meant for the purpose- stroller or luggage. Inconsiderate people rush to tap their card using the same gate to come out, while I waited for them all rushing out.
Imagine both sides of trains are arriving full of passengers rushing out... :mad: Why they don't go and que other gates to tap their card :? -
You were not at the scene, so pls don't pass judgmental remark that my mum was \"lecturing\" the inconsiderate couple. To you and that guy, it may sound like a lecture, but to others it's a fair comment (he is INDEED sitting on a reserved seat and refused to give up his seat to a elderly), so it's very subjective whether the comment is a lecture or not.
We've \"crossed swords\" before in the PE thread cos we both hold different views on the PE candidates and I've got the impression that you are quite confrontational. But now the PE is over and there is no need to bring the hostility over to this thread. I love this forum and I just wanna surf and post with ease without fear or dread of being \"slammed\" for every comment I posted. Thank you.limlim:
You say your mom is not \"bold enough\" to ask, but bold enough to lecture someone that the seat is \"meant for someone with special needs\"? Trying to give a lecture will likely invoke the kind of response that she encountered. Maybe if she just ask nicely and say she needs the seat, the outcome might have been different..?
To the question of someone more needy, that is very subjective.. a 60yo can look fit, and a fat woman can appear like pregnant. If the person never say, how can others tell? Unless it is very obvious case.
Or if they are really paiseh and cannot open their mouth to ask, then, wear a tag or something so that others can identify them as \"needy\" people. Or wear the senior citizen pass outside.
As for pregnant woman, they should help themselves by always wearing maternity dress etc.. that way, it is easier for pple to judge and offer their seats accordingly, w/o end up embarrassing both parties. Saw some woman, looks like pregnant, wearing a loose dress but not a typical maternity dress, and wearing heels?!.. really can't tell whether they are fat or pregnant.... -
Angelight:
I'm just stating facts. You don't have to take it too personal.You were not at the scene, so pls don't pass judgmental remark that my mum was \"lecturing\" the inconsiderate couple. To you and that guy, it may sound like a lecture, but to others it's a fair comment (he is INDEED sitting on a reserved seat and refused to give up his seat to a elderly), so it's very subjective whether the comment is a lecture or not.
The thing is, Why can't the needy just say \"May I have the seat? Please?\", instead of \"This seat is for someone with special needs\".
If you still don't get it, look at it this way, you're pointing out to someone that they're wrong, and generally pple don't like it this way. In the end, your mom doesn't get the seat and instead got angry. is it worth it?
The word \"lecture\" doesn't meant scolding someone. It just meant you're telling someone that he did something wrong. The fact is that your mom is giving a critical statement more than making a \"request\". It's not necessary to be at the scene to judge the kind of response that she can expect. And I'm not assuming that the tone is harsh.. but it probably doesn't sound too pleasant to invoke that kind of response, maybe? And quite obviously, the magical word is missing..
Towards a gracious society, I feel that not only the able can be gracious, but the needy can also be gracious and request for assistance when they need it.. In a PROPER way..
Anyway, it's okay if what I say doesn't makes sense to you. And certainty it is nothing personal. Just want to highlight that the needy should adopt a correct attitude. They should view it that someone giving up their seat to them is a privilege, not an entitlement. -
if i am given a seat, i would treat it as a thoughtful gesture which i will express my gratitude through words and body language. i’ve given up seats to pregnant ladies, old and infirmed but what turns me off is the "i’m entitled to it" body language and not even a murmur of thanks. for those who don’t thank me for my gesture, i only have pity for them cos they probably didn’t have anyone to guide them in their upbringing.
thus giving up seat is but a personal consideration and those in needs should not treat it as an entitlement.
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login