Club Only Child Club

[schellen]

1) Pressure from relatives especially at festive seasons. Queries come in on how come we only have one kid.

DH and I are very thick-skinned. Eventually, they gave up and started \"stalking\" my unmarried sister and cousins instead.

2) Feelings of inferiority on why we couldn't 'complete' the family and have no 2?
No such feelings at all. A family is complete when it feels complete and such feelings are not determined by numbers only.

3) Child constantly asking for sibling.
DD used to ask but when she reached about 5-6yo, she kinda stopped. I don't think it's becos she gave up but more like she realised that she isn't alone with so many friends and young aunties/uncles.

4) Child very clingy because there is no one else to entertain her.
DD was only clingy to me or DH when she was very young. This was only a phase as she eventually will go off with our relatives to stay/sleep overnight willingly. Now, she regularly spends the weekends and holidays with my PILs. And when her favourite grand-aunt visits Singapore, she \"abandons\" us.

5) Child less socially apt as she has no one else to interact with.
I believe that this is just a myth/stereotypical view. Yes, when DD was born, she was the first grandchild and remained that way for a few years. However, I enrolled her in playgroups and when I went back to work, I put her in full-day childcare. She just transferred her socialising-with-adults skills to her peers. Now, she has friends from childcare, After School Care and pri sch.

6) Child rather selfish as she has no one else to share with.
This is another stereotype. How will children know how to share if they are not nurtured to be generous? Parents/adults set good role models and instill this trait in the children. Of course, this doesn't mean that DD shares willingly and takes the initiative all the time; even DH and I aren't that altruistic. Her willingness to share has brought her many friends and she will tell me about people she meets whom she dislikes because they are selfish. She can even point out what they should do instead based on her own experiences. So you see, sharing is a nurtured trait; it just comes more easily for some but is not impossible for others.

[daisyt]

thebusybee:

4) My DS super clingy to me, even though he's got dad, grandparents, maid and cousins at home. I enjoy it now coz he definitely will detach from me in years to come. (I foresee him not going out with me at age 12?)

Now at 13yo, my DD still go out with us every weekend. We have more or less same interest and same type of character. Hence the places we go are places we all enjoy. We allow her to go out with friends on special ocassion.

[sashimi]

kaitlynangelica, you may find that DD may not ask for it much more once she goes to P1 next year. That seems to be a significant turning point, socially, in our experience with our DD.


I have long told myself that, [I should have a 2nd child so that the 1st child is not lonely] is an invalid reason for having a 2nd child. You should have another for the sake of the 2nd child, not because you need to satisfy the whims of the 1st. (Even if it is in fact, not an insignificant whim), or the whims of relatives.

The reasons you cited for not having a 2nd one are pretty much the same as mine - job problems, in-laws (and parents) not \"conducive\" to childcare, child kept falling sick.

SO... the solution is to resolve as many probs as you can. So I got a stable job, and I figured out how to boost my family's resistance to illness, etc.

You might want to consider it. It's not impossible.

Truth be told, I was also afraid of having a 2nd one cos I'm sexist. I'm mortally afraid of having a son. Prefer girls, absolutely.

And this is not a silly thread!

[buds]

sashimi:

I have long told myself that, [I should have a 2nd child so that the 1st child is not lonely] is an invalid reason for having a 2nd child. You should have another for the sake of the 2nd child, not because you need to satisfy the whims of the 1st. (Even if it is in fact, not an insignificant whim), or the whims of relatives.

Ditto that.

sashimi:

The reasons you cited for not having a 2nd one are pretty much the same as mine - job problems, in-laws (and parents) not \"conducive\" to childcare, child kept falling sick.

Yaaah... that's why we trusted Durex to the max.
Until one fine day hubs decided to test what if we
screw Durex just once... only once...

Then POP!

Accident!

Was planning to have one too..

sashimi:

Truth be told, I was also afraid of having a 2nd one cos I'm sexist. I'm mortally afraid of having a son. Prefer girls, absolutely.

:lol:

[schellen]

buds:

Yaaah... that's why we trusted Durex to the max.

Until one fine day hubs decided to test what if we
screw Durex just once... only once...

Then POP!

Accident!

Was planning to have one too..

buds, you and budshub for real is it?
This is why sashimi and I scoff at Durex and go for Mirena instead. :politebleah:

buds:

sashimi:

Truth be told, I was also afraid of having a 2nd one cos I'm sexist. I'm mortally afraid of having a son. Prefer girls, absolutely.

:lol:

Seriously leh. If boy, sashimi will become army-sergeant kinda dad to the poor boy and DD also specifically said many, many times she only wants female siblings. As for me, I am just practical lah. Girl then don't need to have separate rooms for kids and no need to buy anything except for hygiene/food stuff.

[buds]

schellen:

buds, you and budshub for real is it?

This is why sashimi and I scoff at Durex and go for Mirena instead. :politebleah:

Yap, for real.

Booorrring... *yawn..*

Not my choice.

HIS entirely.

For real.

schellen:

Seriously leh. If boy, sashimi will become army-sergeant kinda dad to the poor boy and DD also specifically said many, many times she only wants female siblings. As for me, I am just practical lah. Girl then don't need to have separate rooms for kids and no need to buy anything except for hygiene/food stuff.

My sentiments too, schellen.
Just less prepz.. and plenty
of hand-me downs.. save $.


Both my girls say the same
thing. At the mention of getting
a brother they'd both go,
\" HAAH?!? Boy? Dowan!\"

But for me, having a boy may
just jolly well gimme good
reason to get outta here &
FINALLY get our own place.

Hehee..

But still, i don't hafta risk it
right?

[buds]

Niwae, back to the topic.


I’d get those questions as
well but most times i just
shrug it off. I’d just tell em’
since God was nice enuf to
gimme one, i’d 1st try to
raise this one to the best
of my ability…

[watmekiasu]

1) Pressure from relatives especially at festive seasons. Queries come in on how come we only have one kid.

Ignore their remarks.

2) Feelings of inferiority on why we couldn't 'complete' the family and have no 2?
I've never felt inferior as 1 child and parents constitute a complete family to me.

3) Child constantly asking for sibling.
Child stopped asking at K2 when she realised how lucky she was to have her parents undivided attention.

4) Child very clingey because there is no one else to entertain her.
My child went through the usual clinginess up to age 4 and then learnt to entertain herself after that.

5) Child less socially apt as she has no one else to interact with.
Hmmm, that's true of my daughter. Also, no street smarts.

6) Child rather selfish as she has no one else to share with.
My daughter had always been taught to share. Possibly her problem is to learn not to give everything away. Also, no competitive spirit as she never had to compete for anything.

[CMF]

Deciding to have kids in the first instance is a big decision and responsibility in itself. and to have more than one is an even bigger decision. At the end of the day - it really is a personal decision and no one else other than your other half should be in any position to comment either way, or worse make one feel inferior about the decision. Afterall where does the responsibility of caring and bringing up the child lie at the end of the day?


My dh and I consciously initially decided to have only one child, our dd. We discussed it and felt that at that point in our lives, due to a myriad of reasons it was the right decision for us then. However 7 years thereafter, we were at a different point in our lives, and we re-evaluated our decision, and decided that we would like to try to have another child. By the grace of God, we had our ds. There is hence an age gap of 8 years betw our kids and I was 39 when I delivered my ds.

We have no regrets on the way things turned out, cos it was what was right for us at each point in our lives.

In fact I would say we have enjoyed the best of all worlds, cos we had a good 8 years to really bond with our dd, and despite being an only child during that period, she is a very well adjusted and a confident loving girl. Perhaps we were all too conscious that we didn’t want her to be clingy,spoilt or lonely that we focused alot on ensuring that she was exposed to a variety of experiences and interests as well as socialising with other kids etc.

And when ds came along, dd was in fact mature enough and confident in herself and our love for her (after having the "full blast" of all our attention for 8 years) that the new addition to the family was welcomed with open loving arms - and no issues at all of jealousy or adapting to another child in the family.

In fact now we are conscious that we have to ensure that ds doesn’t become too spoilt or clingy being the baby of the family!

[raynreg]

Hi everyone, a contrarian here reading these posts as to how parents justify their single child family. What about fellow members who has more than one child. What's the reasons, or your thought process, to have another :? .


Please, I'm not going to start a war with one verus more than one but would like to hear from those who decides to have a bigger family.

Cheers