In-law problems?

[The Simz]

Since there’s conflict with the parents, I wonder why the hub will insist on staying together? Unless he thinks that the parents are having fun with daunting the wife? I always thought I married my hub to set up a family, NOW then I realized that I had married into his family!!! All the member of the clan expect me to fit into the culture.


Chen
You are such a gem to us! How not to let your emotions override you? All the points written out are so good! Really need to print it out before it get lost in this fast moving thread!

[coolit]

:goodpost: Chen (hope you don't mind me shortening your name), your post on how to fight and win is already on my noticeboard in my study. You have a lot of insight and it brings me great comfort and wisdom to matters pertaining to in-laws. Thank you!

[janet88]

TheKiasu:

I think must see whether can get along initially when seeing each other for the part when dating, if cannot or the personality is very different, then will have to stay apart better for the whole family, even if renting a place by yourself


Emotionally distress is worst than the money that you pay out for a new place I think

Told hubby when we pak tor that I will not stay with his parents after we get married...better to be upfront and honest.

Emotional distress is stressful and can lead to depression.

[coolit]

I am worried that one day if my FIL is no longer around, my MIL will demand to stay with one of her children and she will probably choose my hubby as he is her favourite. Then, I also cannot object as it will seem mean to ask her to stay on her own.

[LOLMum]

insider,


i like your post. :goodpost: wanna after reading it. reminds me of my parents.

told mil to move in with us. though she wishes to, she couldnt bear to leave her house she stayed with her husband and should anything happens to her, it is easier for my family to fly over then for her other kids to do so. and coming from the older older generation, she doesnt think it is right to stay with her daughter though the sil welcomes her.

[autumnbronze]

insider:

It is quite inconceivable for me to let an old person to live alone and maybe fall and die alone in his/her own house. What kind of regrets one would have?

My all-time favourite:

当我老了

当初我引导你走上人生路，

如今请陪伴我走完最后的路。

给我你的爱和耐心，我会报以感激的微笑，

这微笑中凝结着我对你无限的爱。

Thanks for sharing Insider.

A lump in my throat .....

[Chenonceau]

coolit:

I am worried that one day if my FIL is no longer around, my MIL will demand to stay with one of her children and she will probably choose my hubby as he is her favourite. Then, I also cannot object as it will seem mean to ask her to stay on her own.

Yup! Scary! I am still scared even though we have invited BOTH old folks to stay with us. Normal to feel scared I think. Men go to war feeling scared too, but they still go because like you, they know that they cannot say no.

And nah... everyone shortens my name.

[janet88]

Chenonceau:

coolit:

I am worried that one day if my FIL is no longer around, my MIL will demand to stay with one of her children and she will probably choose my hubby as he is her favourite. Then, I also cannot object as it will seem mean to ask her to stay on her own.

Yup! Scary! I am still scared even though we have invited BOTH old folks to stay with us.

Problems will arise when either of his parents go...if his father goes first, then she may go back to Malaysia...but if she goes first, there will be a BIG problem as his father is harder to handle. Hubby is favourite son because they have one common topic - soccer.

[ectanz]

janet_lee88:

Chenonceau:

[quote=\"coolit\"]I am worried that one day if my FIL is no longer around, my MIL will demand to stay with one of her children and she will probably choose my hubby as he is her favourite. Then, I also cannot object as it will seem mean to ask her to stay on her own.

Yup! Scary! I am still scared even though we have invited BOTH old folks to stay with us.

Problems will arise when either of his parents go...if his father goes first, then she may go back to Malaysia...but if she goes first, there will be a BIG problem as his father is harder to handle. Hubby is favourite son because they have one common topic - soccer.[/quote]One of my gf was having such difficult plight when her FIL passed away. She has no choice but to stay together with her MIL as her hb was the only child. This was where her nightmare began....

Her MIL is the stereotype of a traditional woman. My gf had hard time after work where she has to do all housework including cooking all by herself. Her MIL even expected her to return home to cook dinner before 7pm so that her son could hv dinner when he is back fr work.

During her payday, my gf will normally pamper herself by buying clothes or shoes. Her MIL will accuse my gf of spending her son's money and made a big fuss about it. My gf tried to defend herself but her retort made her MIL more angry. In the end, this mere trifle bought a huge quarrel between my gf and her hb.

By hearing such scary stories and don't want to lead the same miserable life as my gf, I hv decided not to stay with my IL even this will make me landed in hell. Fortunately, my IL is staying with my BIL.

[coolit]

Chenonceau:

coolit:

I am worried that one day if my FIL is no longer around, my MIL will demand to stay with one of her children and she will probably choose my hubby as he is her favourite. Then, I also cannot object as it will seem mean to ask her to stay on her own.

Yup! Scary! I am still scared even though we have invited BOTH old folks to stay with us. Normal to feel scared I think. Men go to war feeling scared too, but they still go because like you, they know that they cannot say no.

And nah... everyone shortens my name.

I know it is the right thing to do but I feel bad to say but I dread that day. But like
you say, it is about having to the courage to do the right thing. Courage not
being the absence of fear but doing the right thing in spite of the fear-forgot
where I heard this but it sounds good and makes sense haha.
Anyway, I hope I can muster enough courage and really love her lah if that happens.

This is off topic, but just curious what does your name mean?