Sometimes Single Parent?

[foreverj]

watmekiasu:

There is some anger and frustration on my part sometimes cos I've to do everything but when dh is back, it doesn't get better.

couldn't have phrased it better!!!

[tankee]

foreverj:

i used to complain to my dh that i feel like a single mum on weekdays mainly becos my dd hardly sees him around on weekdays. he's out before she's awake and she's asleep b4 he comes home. dh is what people call a \"workaholic\" but i know he's really passionate abt his work that's y he can put in the hours he does. in a way, i'm glad he loves his job cos its sad when people hate their work. he makes up for it on weekends cos he's always driving us around for enrichment classes, shopping, visits to the parents etc. i take care of the housework and the meals for dd after work so can feel overwhelming at times...but reading abt other parents' single parent experience, mine pales in comparison... :oops:

perhaps he is working hard so as to provide the best for his family. :celebrate:

[Andaiz]

tankee:

perhaps he is working hard so as to provide the best for his family. :celebrate:

Tankee, yes, working hard to provide best for the family...but you know, the irony of this all is that the kiddo's are not going to be too happy with an extra toy or a new something or other...they want his presence

[Mrsbongz]

Hmm. i only wish my dh's company will be more 'kind'.. he's the only one in his team that is married with kids.. and the other colleages and his boss don really care if u have kids.. in fact they told him,' u have kids so wat, work is work'.. I hardly see him becos he has to fly on back to back trips.. wat to do he still have a bond to serve out.. so we will try to hang on till then..


these days the kids are so used to him not being ard.. in fact, we all have trouble adjusting when daddy gets home.. He feels resentful n left out, and for me as a FTWM, no time for personal space or rest.. having to b both daddy n mommy can be really strenous emotionally and physically.. but i know he is not able to change the situation now..

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

I did not realize that it is difficult for a spouse to be on their own holding the fort while the other spouse is busy flying. My situation is reverse. It was me the mother who travelled heavily. I can be in Singapore for a few hours, just to say hello, sleep and off the next morning to wherever the next business schedule is. At that time, there was only dd who was very sickly, cared by my husband. Daily he will send to my parent’s place and will pick up dd in the evening. There was once he was down with fever that he parked himself at my parent’s place hoping for TLC.


I was posted overseas for 2 months. There was no maid. So daily he will send and fetch my kids from my parent place. Not sure if it is the strain of being the single parent or he miss me too much (he said so), when I came back, our relationship literally fall apart. We quarrelled daily. He was saying how unfair life is when he has to struggle with the kids daily while I am enjoying my freedom as a single woman. It was near to divorce case and we seek counselling.

Currently, I am not allowed to travel more than 3 days at one go. My kids are bigger now. It breaks my heart my daughter told me that every night she cried before sleep while I was away for two months. Even for a day trip, as soon as I reach the destination, my son will call up crying telling me how much he missed me.

These days, as far as possible I try to avoid travelling. But it is difficult to say no and sometime colleagues gave me funny reaction. By now I am known to be the spoiler. If the meeting is going to be held at 10 am in countries nearby, I simply wakes up at 4 am to catch the 6 am flight. I’ll catch the evening flight and be with my family by 10 pm.

There are times that I send and pick dd from science enrichment class on Sunday followed by accompanying ds piano class. Right after that I rushed back home, pack my bag, grab a cab & off to catch my flight. Monday night, at the airport, dh with kids will be having Swensen’s dinner with homework strewn across the table and me just touch down.

The most recent case, my father was in ICU, as soon as he was discharge on Wednesday, I pack my bag and travel the very next day. By the time I came back, ds common test is already over. I know dh tries his best but he simply cannot squeeze any more time to help prepare ds to sit for his exam.

It’s tiring but I treasure my family. Now that everyone share their feeling on being the sometime single parent, I will treasure dh more. Going to give him a long big hug to say thank you for everything.

[rainbows]

I like to share my side of story too.


I am a stay at home mum whilst my hb alone brings back the bacon. my 2 young kids are in childcare in the daytime while i try to find job in the daytime... however i haven't been able to find a suitable job that allows me not to have ot in the evening cos at night i will have to attend to my 2 kids.

my hb bears the thot since he's the one busy working outside at home, when he's home, he doesn't have the strength or energy to do anymore things. even spending time - playing with the kids is taxing to him :stupid:

i find this unbelieveable! cos if he doesn't bond with the kids then the relationship with the daddy will be fragile. but i'm wrong. both my kids are very attached and listen to every word the daddy said. whilst me, they 'sort of' ignore me.

i'm speechless. maybe being a 'single mum' at night sometimes is no good enough for my kids. maybe i should disappear also at night for work then the kids will be attached to me?

[Luvkid]

I feel like i am being single as in the weekday morning, i get ready the kids to childcare/ student care. DH will bring DS2 to childcare whereas i will bring DS2 to student care. Then all we off to work/school. In the evening, I will prepare dinner for family. DH will fetch the 2 boys most of the time, when he has no lessons or OT. Sounds DH is doing a fine job. Ya, the moment they reach home, i will settle the boys shower time, then we will have dinner together. We do our own dishes. At 8 pm, i will become superwoman, sometime thinking can i split into half. Cos i need to coach ds1 with his homework/revision;ds2 will be here & there wanting to be clingy on me. Where's the hell of dh? Sitting infront of the TV or meeting his favourite zhou gong on the sofa at time! :nunchuk: Sometime wondering whether he is watching the TV programme or otherwise, or the TV programme was kinda boring!! Yes, there was time he brought ds2 to cycling, not for long, lasted a week or so only. At around 9 plus, i will have to hand wash the boys' uniform, settle my own shower time, then settle the kids to bedtime, including a story telling before bedtime. By then i settle them, i am already dog tired......Well, so dh knocks off on the dot, but back home, he does not fulfill his duty to the fullest??? Friends commented that i \"spoilt\" him and hence this is the outcome. Our daily routine remains the same, except for weekends or PH......which i am always looking forward to..... :love: DH will chauffeur us around for outing..... :love: In conculsion, i find that i still manage to find happiness out of this..... :love:

[foreverj]

tankee:

perhaps he is working hard so as to provide the best for his family. :celebrate:

yes definitely, thats y i dun really COMPLAIN. more of fa lao sao

plus the \"men\" in them wil want to come home, \"nua\" in front of the TV and happier that no need to entertain the kid cos kid stick to mama.. so occasionally \"the heart is very unbalanced\" (xin li bu ping heng) :stupid:

but stil i always remind myself to keep focused on my life priority. that me and dh want the best for our dd and hence my mundane sacrifices and his long working hours are worth it so long as she turns out well

[foreverj]

Andaiz:

Tankee, yes, working hard to provide best for the family...but you know, the irony of this all is that the kiddo's are not going to be too happy with an extra toy or a new something or other...they want his presence

yes, yes but becos dd is firstly more attached to me, and secondly so used to me being around for her, reading to her, teaching her things, that she doesn't really mind missing dh on weekdays. in fact dh always complains she bullies him. its true - she will tease him and outright tell him yes, she like to bully him (in a cheeky way of course) dh understands that i m the more involved parent hence the treatment so he's used to it already...

[foreverj]

rainbows:

i find this unbelieveable! cos if he doesn't bond with the kids then the relationship with the daddy will be fragile. but i'm wrong. both my kids are very attached and listen to every word the daddy said. whilst me, they 'sort of' ignore me.

i'm speechless. maybe being a 'single mum' at night sometimes is no good enough for my kids. maybe i should disappear also at night for work then the kids will be attached to me?

understand this is hard for u. at times like this, just focus on the fact that u r a great mum who wants the best for her kids. m sure your children appreciates u. afterall the time u spent doing all the mundane things will become precious memories for them next time when they grow up in fact, u r the stable factor that makes their world safe and secure! so be encouraged, rainbows!