PSLE 2012 - child has no interest to study

[Ljas1370]

GG mum:

Maybe try reward system?

Yes, I tried. But it doesn't work.

[phankao]

beanbear:

I can feel your frustration and anxiety. You can see the long-term consequences of your child's actions but your child seems to live for each day, each moment and does not fully appreciate why you focus your attention on the need for study and the importance of PSLE.


I'd like to offer a few observations and questions:

1. What daily structure/timetable have you established with your child? Is there a clear agreement between you and your child about how much is spent on each activity eg TV, computer, homework, revision, mealtimes, personal free-and easy time, etc?

My 3 children are not academically strong (2 older ones in P4 & P5 and youngest in K2) but one of the foundations I've instilled in my children is \"Self-Control\" & \"Discipline\" and I achieve these 2 behaviours through Clear Structure for all activities. For eg, my children are only allowed to have 30 mins of TV per child per day. They can choose their own programme on the channels I've approved. How do I know if my children watch only for 30 mins of TV? Each of them MUST use the timer clock (which I've purchased and used since they were in pre-school) when they start and when the timer goes off, the TV must be switched off. The timer is a Structure. The Time given of 30mins is also a Structure. What if they do not follow through? I've a clear Structure of Consequences for Non-Compliance or disobedience. They are banned from TV for the next day. Disobey for 2nd time, the ban on TV will be for one week. But I also balance with Rewards. If my child demonstrates he has done his homework properly and show good behaviour or it's the school holiday, they get to watch 1 hour of TV or watch a DVD which is 1.5 hours. This is just one example of TV. I use similar approaches for other activities too.

2. Motivation & Attention. Most children have short attention span and our school system promotes a very dry and unmotivating way of learning. Our children may not see the Relevance of the subjects they learn. They feel demoralized by memorising of facts and feeling underachievement.

For topics that my children are under-achieving and find them dry and boring, I find that as a parent I need to make the revision time in BITE SIZE. I organize the topics and use only 30mins for each topic and try to create some fun into them. For eg, we sometimes we role-play. My children become the Teacher and I become the student. Another time, we may do a quiz game and we form teams and win points. I keep these revision time-slots SHORT. 30 mins and if needed come back for another 30mins after the kids have some playtime.

Other times, I share with my kids which Mathematical operation or Scientific Principle is being used in daily life eg in cooking, in business, in shopping, etc. When children see the connection and relevance, they begin to appreciate. If I make them feel guilty, they will avoid learning and they feel demoralized. My questions for you to consider is: What Learning Approaches will be motivating for your child?

3. Study Environment. Is there a dedicated space for study? How organized and free from distractions is the study space? What environment would help your child to focus his attention? My children are given specific spaces to do their work and I train them to sit only in that space for studying. No studying on beds. I ensure their chairs structured properly for good posture and there's good lighting.

I hope these ideas may help you.

Wow - what a nice long list. I must say that all this \"structure\" was instilled in my 3 older kids from very young and definitely once they started school. By p1, they get the routine after a while and are expected to list out their work and responsiblities and handle them before any play. Well, it worked for kid no.1 & no.2, but I must say that for kid no.3, it backfired. By end of p4, he totally refused to follow anything - then how? Beat him? Threaten him? By p5, His grades are mediocre and often at the bottom of the class even though he's in one of the top 2 classes. He never fails, but marks are usually at the just-pass level. So....we'll just see if he learns to suceed by \"failure\" in the end lah. PSLE in 12 days.

And yes, he LOVES to watch TV and check results of soccer and wrestling matches the moment he comes home. Ah well. I think doing away with TV and computers is not the key. He has to learn self-control himself.

To the mom who started this thread, I've no solution for you. Just go by feel. Restricting and scolding brings about even more rebellion - at least in my case, so I find it easier not to. It's the Child's LIFE!

[Lynn2010]

I agree that "TV / Computer / Ipad / Screen Time - all highly addictive and doing children overall more harm than good"


I would suggest totally NO TV, until you see improvement in the school work. Perhaps you can move your TV to your bedroom for example and lock your room in the morning (i presume you go to work in the day).

Each night when you come back, after you test him or check his hmwk will you allow him some TV time (eg. 1 or 2 hr). I did this to my dd. She was not addicted to TV, she was addicted to story books. One may say reading is good what. Drive me mad - from the moment she opens her eyes, no brushing teetch, no breakfast, no lunch, no shower, nothing but reading. During sch days, she doesnt do her hm wk, just read. So NO GOOD. I did it to her. That is I lock up all the books and she is only allow to read when she completes her hmwk to my satisfaction. I limit the time she reads a day.

Try this and see if it works for you as it works for my dd.

[Ljas1370]

UncleLim:

Ban watching of TV ?


In my home, there is no TV in the living area.

There is a small one in the bedroom and it is out of bounds to the children unless it is family TV time together at night.

At my house, I can restrict. But everyday after school, he will go to my MIL house. I am working. I have no control over him. My MIL did told me to finish he homework and revise his school work first then watch TV. But he is bo-chap. My MIL ever use cane but now he is big liao not scared. I can't take away the TV remote control. My MIL needs to watch TV.

Every night, I'll go to my MIL house to have dinner and pick him up. By the time we reached home it's already 8 pm. I'll go through some homework with him then is bed time. At night he won't have time to watch TV as he needs to get to bed by 9.30 pm.

[phankao]

insider:

emmm...can consider giving him an ultimum and really discard the TV. It is possible to live without a TV.
<snip>

share with him that if his PSLE achieve a certain grade (don't give so high if he is currently at 150), then you may consider buying back the TV..

What if he doesn't care about doing better?

I would also say that it's for his future (then he say don't care). Then I say that we can't support him and he has to do it himself (he'll say \"ok - please don't worry about how I will cope in future\").

So those ultimatums might not work favourably for such a child. Instead, the child will develop great anger and hate for the parents.

[tamarind]

Ljas1370:

UncleLim:

Ban watching of TV ?


In my home, there is no TV in the living area.

There is a small one in the bedroom and it is out of bounds to the children unless it is family TV time together at night.

At my house, I can restrict. But everyday after school, he will go to my MIL house. I am working. I have no control over him. My MIL did told me to finish he homework and revise his school work first then watch TV. But he is bo-chap. My MIL ever use cane but now he is big liao not scared. I can't take away the TV remote control. My MIL needs to watch TV.

Every night, I'll go to my MIL house to have dinner and pick him up. By the time we reached home it's already 8 pm. I'll go through some homework with him then is bed time. At night he won't have time to watch TV as he needs to get to bed by 9.30 pm.

Why don't you put him in a student care center after school ? Many parents are doing this even when they have maids and elderly at home to take care of the kids. There are teachers in the student care center who supervise the kids doing homework and make sure that they study.

Ljas1370:

for e.g. chinese, I explain to him the meaning and prounication, but the next day when I ask him back, he forgot everything liao.

This is very normal because the knowledge cannot be retained in his long term memory after one explanation. Most children require 7 repetitions or more in order to remember something new. The trick is to repeat once a day, then repeat again the next day, then 2 days later, then slowly stretch to 5, 10 days later. I read this in an excellent book for teaching Chinese, written by a professor in China. This technique work very well for my boy.

Actually the same technique can be used for remembering science facts.

Also, note that in the case of boys, praising him is much more effective than scolding him. Whenever he can remember new words, cheer and clap and look amazed. I do this to my boy and he loves it so much, he tries his best to remember words.

[tamarind]

phankao:

What if he doesn't care about doing better?

I would also say that it's for his future (then he say don't care). Then I say that we can't support him and he has to do it himself (he'll say \"ok - please don't worry about how I will cope in future\").

So those ultimatums might not work favourably for such a child. Instead, the child will develop great anger and hate for the parents.

It is true that most boys just don't care about their future.

It is not only boys below 12 years old, I knew of boys age 18 to 25 who also don't care. When I asked them, what happens if your grades are so poor and cannot find a job ? Their answer is : \"Just sign on for the army lor\".

Personally I believe that we should let boys experience hardship.

There was once my boy behaved very badly, I punished him by making him sleep on the hard floor for the entire night. My mother was totally shocked and told me that he might fall sick. He was about 5 years old then. Well he did not fall sick and after that he did not make the same mistake again. (Note that I never cane him) I intend to do this again if he refused to study. This is to show him the consequence of not studying. But so far he loves to learn so I don't have to do it

[Lynn2010]

I think not all boys dont care. I come across some they do care about doing well.


I agree with Tamarind to put him in an afterschool care. No TV during the week days (wont die). He can watch TV during the weekends only if you are satisfied with him "performance" for the week. By changing the routine, it may help.

I think this TV, comp games, ipad, etc. is a habitual. For example, some adults come home from work, the first thing they do, turn on the TV. It doesnt matter if they are watching (habitual). When we take the train, got a seat, look right and left, nothing to do, what is next? Whip out the iphone loh - play games or chat.

[phankao]

tamarind:

Also, note that in the case of boys, praising him is much more effective than scolding him. Whenever he can remember new words, cheer and clap and look amazed. I do this to my boy and he loves it so much, he tries his best to remember words.

While I agree that praise is more effective with boys in such situation. However, I think for a p5/p6 boy, \"cheering & clapping & looking amazed\" will have you see a really really *cynical* look on your boy's face!!!!!! haha. Those would work maybe for a preschooler and my 3yo! LOL.

I have seen how affirmations work with my current p6 boy. Sadly I also see how he can get too cocky with being praised for his achievements. *sigh*. So I have to use it to great moderation - and of course I get too tired trying find all the \"positive things\" to affirm him about as well!

[tamarind]

phankao:

tamarind:

Also, note that in the case of boys, praising him is much more effective than scolding him. Whenever he can remember new words, cheer and clap and look amazed. I do this to my boy and he loves it so much, he tries his best to remember words.

While I agree that praise is more effective with boys in such situation. However, I think for a p5/p6 boy, \"cheering & clapping & looking amazed\" will have you see a really really *cynical* look on your boy's face!!!!!! haha. Those would work maybe for a preschooler and my 3yo! LOL.

I have seen how affirmations work with my current p6 boy. Sadly I also see how he can get too cocky with being praised for his achievements. *sigh*. So I have to use it to great moderation - and of course I get too tired trying find all the \"positive things\" to affirm him about as well!

There is no harm trying mah. I think even my hubby will feel very happy if I do that to him. I have been cheering since my boy was 4 years old, now he is P1 and he still have that 陶醉 look on his face.

For children who are already doing very well, there is no need to use this method.