PSLE 2012 - child has no interest to study

[phankao]

insider:

emmm...can consider giving him an ultimum and really discard the TV. It is possible to live without a TV.
<snip>

share with him that if his PSLE achieve a certain grade (don't give so high if he is currently at 150), then you may consider buying back the TV..

What if he doesn't care about doing better?

I would also say that it's for his future (then he say don't care). Then I say that we can't support him and he has to do it himself (he'll say \"ok - please don't worry about how I will cope in future\").

So those ultimatums might not work favourably for such a child. Instead, the child will develop great anger and hate for the parents.

[tamarind]

Ljas1370:

UncleLim:

Ban watching of TV ?


In my home, there is no TV in the living area.

There is a small one in the bedroom and it is out of bounds to the children unless it is family TV time together at night.

At my house, I can restrict. But everyday after school, he will go to my MIL house. I am working. I have no control over him. My MIL did told me to finish he homework and revise his school work first then watch TV. But he is bo-chap. My MIL ever use cane but now he is big liao not scared. I can't take away the TV remote control. My MIL needs to watch TV.

Every night, I'll go to my MIL house to have dinner and pick him up. By the time we reached home it's already 8 pm. I'll go through some homework with him then is bed time. At night he won't have time to watch TV as he needs to get to bed by 9.30 pm.

Why don't you put him in a student care center after school ? Many parents are doing this even when they have maids and elderly at home to take care of the kids. There are teachers in the student care center who supervise the kids doing homework and make sure that they study.

Ljas1370:

for e.g. chinese, I explain to him the meaning and prounication, but the next day when I ask him back, he forgot everything liao.

This is very normal because the knowledge cannot be retained in his long term memory after one explanation. Most children require 7 repetitions or more in order to remember something new. The trick is to repeat once a day, then repeat again the next day, then 2 days later, then slowly stretch to 5, 10 days later. I read this in an excellent book for teaching Chinese, written by a professor in China. This technique work very well for my boy.

Actually the same technique can be used for remembering science facts.

Also, note that in the case of boys, praising him is much more effective than scolding him. Whenever he can remember new words, cheer and clap and look amazed. I do this to my boy and he loves it so much, he tries his best to remember words.

[tamarind]

phankao:

What if he doesn't care about doing better?

I would also say that it's for his future (then he say don't care). Then I say that we can't support him and he has to do it himself (he'll say \"ok - please don't worry about how I will cope in future\").

So those ultimatums might not work favourably for such a child. Instead, the child will develop great anger and hate for the parents.

It is true that most boys just don't care about their future.

It is not only boys below 12 years old, I knew of boys age 18 to 25 who also don't care. When I asked them, what happens if your grades are so poor and cannot find a job ? Their answer is : \"Just sign on for the army lor\".

Personally I believe that we should let boys experience hardship.

There was once my boy behaved very badly, I punished him by making him sleep on the hard floor for the entire night. My mother was totally shocked and told me that he might fall sick. He was about 5 years old then. Well he did not fall sick and after that he did not make the same mistake again. (Note that I never cane him) I intend to do this again if he refused to study. This is to show him the consequence of not studying. But so far he loves to learn so I don't have to do it

[Lynn2010]

I think not all boys dont care. I come across some they do care about doing well.


I agree with Tamarind to put him in an afterschool care. No TV during the week days (wont die). He can watch TV during the weekends only if you are satisfied with him "performance" for the week. By changing the routine, it may help.

I think this TV, comp games, ipad, etc. is a habitual. For example, some adults come home from work, the first thing they do, turn on the TV. It doesnt matter if they are watching (habitual). When we take the train, got a seat, look right and left, nothing to do, what is next? Whip out the iphone loh - play games or chat.

[phankao]

tamarind:

Also, note that in the case of boys, praising him is much more effective than scolding him. Whenever he can remember new words, cheer and clap and look amazed. I do this to my boy and he loves it so much, he tries his best to remember words.

While I agree that praise is more effective with boys in such situation. However, I think for a p5/p6 boy, \"cheering & clapping & looking amazed\" will have you see a really really *cynical* look on your boy's face!!!!!! haha. Those would work maybe for a preschooler and my 3yo! LOL.

I have seen how affirmations work with my current p6 boy. Sadly I also see how he can get too cocky with being praised for his achievements. *sigh*. So I have to use it to great moderation - and of course I get too tired trying find all the \"positive things\" to affirm him about as well!

[tamarind]

phankao:

tamarind:

Also, note that in the case of boys, praising him is much more effective than scolding him. Whenever he can remember new words, cheer and clap and look amazed. I do this to my boy and he loves it so much, he tries his best to remember words.

While I agree that praise is more effective with boys in such situation. However, I think for a p5/p6 boy, \"cheering & clapping & looking amazed\" will have you see a really really *cynical* look on your boy's face!!!!!! haha. Those would work maybe for a preschooler and my 3yo! LOL.

I have seen how affirmations work with my current p6 boy. Sadly I also see how he can get too cocky with being praised for his achievements. *sigh*. So I have to use it to great moderation - and of course I get too tired trying find all the \"positive things\" to affirm him about as well!

There is no harm trying mah. I think even my hubby will feel very happy if I do that to him. I have been cheering since my boy was 4 years old, now he is P1 and he still have that 陶醉 look on his face.

For children who are already doing very well, there is no need to use this method.

[tamarind]

Lynn2010:

I think not all boys dont care. I come across some they do care about doing well.


I agree with Tamarind to put him in an afterschool care. No TV during the week days (wont die). He can watch TV during the weekends only if you are satisfied with him \"performance\" for the week. By changing the routine, it may help.

I think this TV, comp games, ipad, etc. is a habitual. For example, some adults come home from work, the first thing they do, turn on the TV. It doesnt matter if they are watching (habitual). When we take the train, got a seat, look right and left, nothing to do, what is next? Whip out the iphone loh - play games or chat.

Adults must set a good example. I don't watch TV when I return from work, and I try not use the computer. I read books or magazines, and I even read their children's books and often laugh out or rave to my hubby about how good the book is. I am not pretending, I really enjoy reading their books.

[jedamum]

does he has a role model he can turn to or can talk to him?

sometimes such role models has more positive effect than parental talk/nags.

[Ljas1370]

tamarind:

phankao:

What if he doesn't care about doing better?

I would also say that it's for his future (then he say don't care). Then I say that we can't support him and he has to do it himself (he'll say \"ok - please don't worry about how I will cope in future\").

So those ultimatums might not work favourably for such a child. Instead, the child will develop great anger and hate for the parents.

It is true that most boys just don't care about their future.

It is not only boys below 12 years old, I knew of boys age 18 to 25 who also don't care. When I asked them, what happens if your grades are so poor and cannot find a job ? Their answer is : \"Just sign on for the army lor\".

Personally I believe that we should let boys experience hardship.

There was once my boy behaved very badly, I punished him by making him sleep on the hard floor for the entire night. My mother was totally shocked and told me that he might fall sick. He was about 5 years old then. Well he did not fall sick and after that he did not make the same mistake again. (Note that I never cane him) I intend to do this again if he refused to study. This is to show him the consequence of not studying. But so far he loves to learn so I don't have to do it

I ever put him in student care centre before when he was in P1 & P2 and there was a student care centre in his school. After school, the teacher will bring them to the student care centre. Hmmmh, he doesn't like it maybe because he was young during that time and he got bullied in the centre. Now he has transferred to another school, which also has a student care centre near the school. I ever told him about putting him again in student care centre, he strongly against it and also because of tight budget - I cannot afford to put him in the centre. I think he is street smart but not study smart. He is very good in hand-on skill. Things that are of interest to him he will go all the way to find more information. For example, he like cars, he will always watch documentary film about how to make cars, repairs car. There was once he even tell me : Mummy do you know Audi has mode A1 to A8 but no A2, so I look at my husband and he nobbed his head.

[MMM]

There are good suggestions by fellow parents (eg. student care, tv/ computer bans, having a discipline schedule) but some of these are probably abit too late to enforce at this point of time with PSLE just round the corner.


We enforce daily revision from 7.30 - 10pm. That means no tv time. During exams, it will intensify to include weekends. But I suppose all these really start from young. Also we enforce no tv, no computers rule at home unless it is for homework. But again all these takes time to enforce, don't expect to see immediate results.

Reading the posting reminds me of my nephew who sat for his PSLE last year. His was a case of computer addiction and not TV. He was simply not motivated to study. We told his parents to stop his computer usage as looking at his FB activities, he is always online (both of them are in IT fields). But the response I got from his dad was.... yes we curb we only allow him to play after he finished his work..... Frankly, to me to stop means restriction and not using it as a carrot. This might entice the child to quickly get done with work with no quality so he can play the computer.

It came to a point where my sil applied for leave and then sit down with him to revise with him or rather make her presence felt. Personally, I thought if it is possible with your work arrangement, this is something you should seriously consider now. Maybe take turns with your spouse. Or ask if you can work from home at this point (depending on your profession). Discuss with your boss.

When his PSLE results came out, he got 196. He made it to express but to some really ulu sec school. I was told they are not starting some subjects first because there is insufficient teacher :shock: We were overseas when he took his results and my fil was so happy to hear his results..... not that it's good but fortunately he passed.

Now? He is in Sec 1. His computer addiction has not stopped. The last conversation I had with his dad was they are just waiting for him to kai qiao. I still see him in FB from afternoon till night (probably after he return from school). You can figure out the amount of time he spent there everyday. Also not sure if the influence of friends, etc.... he has lots of vulgar words in his dictionary and I always see very negative posting on his FB such as hating school, teachers, scolding parents when he is being asked to do work, etc.... BTW, his parents are very decent type and my nephew looks very decent too (definitely not the ah beng type). There was once that he sprew alot of vulgarities on FB about his father just because he refused to buy ipod for him! We made comments on his FB about his remarks. I also spoke to him about his colorful language jokingly.

The conclusion I drawn after seeing my nephew and frankly, I use him as a educational material for my kids. His addiction seems as though computer has invaded his brain.

Tv, computer usage and games addiction are a big NO NO. It is also a big hindrance towards studying due to the temptation. Though we have wii, psp, computers, etc... kids are banned from using it during school days (not even weekends). After awhile they get used to it that they don't crave for it. But hubby does let them play games on his ipad on weekends.

I recalled when I first stopped them from watching tv in the evening when we first set aside study time, they had \"withdrawal\" symptons. But now, they are used to it. But this takes time.

Use your gut feel based on your understanding of your child and do whatever you can now. All the best!