In-law problems?

[coolit]

ectanz:

janet_lee88:

Problems will arise when either of his parents go...if his father goes first, then she may go back to Malaysia...but if she goes first, there will be a BIG problem as his father is harder to handle. Hubby is favourite son because they have one common topic - soccer.

One of my gf was having such difficult plight when her FIL passed away. She has no choice but to stay together with her MIL as her hb was the only child. This was where her nightmare began....

Her MIL is the stereotype of a traditional woman. My gf had hard time after work where she has to do all housework including cooking all by herself. Her MIL even expected her to return home to cook dinner before 7pm so that her son could hv dinner when he is back fr work.

During her payday, my gf will normally pamper herself by buying clothes or shoes. Her MIL will accuse my gf of spending her son's money and made a big fuss about it. My gf tried to defend herself but her retort made her MIL more angry. In the end, this mere trifle bought a huge quarrel between my gf and her hb.

By hearing such scary stories and don't want to lead the same miserable life as my gf, I hv decided not to stay with my IL even this will make me landed in hell. Fortunately, my IL is staying with my BIL.

When there are more siblings to share the load of looking after ILs, it helps a lot.

Your story makes me shudder, thankfully my hubby does not quarrel with me
over his mum. That is one thing I can be grateful for.

[Chenonceau]

Coolit ... check this out for the meaning of my nick. In my opinion, it is the most beautiful castle in the world brimming with stories of great love, great intrigue and spy seductions... http://petunialee.blogspot.com/2010/01/chateau-de-chenonceau.html

[coolit]

Chenonceau:

Coolit ... check this out for the meaning of my nick. In my opinion, it is the most beautiful castle in the world brimming with stories of great love, great intrigue and spy seductions... http://petunialee.blogspot.com/2010/01/chateau-de-chenonceau.html

Oh beautiful castle and built by a woman too! Is that your blog?

[Chenonceau]

coolit:

Chenonceau:

Coolit ... check this out for the meaning of my nick. In my opinion, it is the most beautiful castle in the world brimming with stories of great love, great intrigue and spy seductions... http://petunialee.blogspot.com/2010/01/chateau-de-chenonceau.html

Oh beautiful castle and built by a woman too! Is that your blog?

Yup! Dat's ma blog!

[janet88]

Even though hubby has other siblings, the old ones have preferences who they want to stay with. The mother likes this son, while the father may prefer another kid.

[coolit]

Chenonceau:

Yup! Dat's ma blog!

Have not really read through but saw some of your posts on food. Yum:)
So you were stationed in France for a while? Sorry I think I am off topic liao.

[ectanz]

coolit:

ectanz:

[quote=\"janet_lee88\"]
Problems will arise when either of his parents go...if his father goes first, then she may go back to Malaysia...but if she goes first, there will be a BIG problem as his father is harder to handle. Hubby is favourite son because they have one common topic - soccer.

One of my gf was having such difficult plight when her FIL passed away. She has no choice but to stay together with her MIL as her hb was the only child. This was where her nightmare began....

Her MIL is the stereotype of a traditional woman. My gf had hard time after work where she has to do all housework including cooking all by herself. Her MIL even expected her to return home to cook dinner before 7pm so that her son could hv dinner when he is back fr work.

During her payday, my gf will normally pamper herself by buying clothes or shoes. Her MIL will accuse my gf of spending her son's money and made a big fuss about it. My gf tried to defend herself but her retort made her MIL more angry. In the end, this mere trifle bought a huge quarrel between my gf and her hb.

By hearing such scary stories and don't want to lead the same miserable life as my gf, I hv decided not to stay with my IL even this will make me landed in hell. Fortunately, my IL is staying with my BIL.

When there are more siblings to share the load of looking after ILs, it helps a lot.

Your story makes me shudder, thankfully my hubby does not quarrel with me
over his mum. That is one thing I can be grateful for.[/quote]ya agreed. You are fortunate to hv such a supportive n understanding hb. As for my gf, her hb is a 24hr son, typical mummy's boy. I don't understand why my gf is still willing to marry him even she knew this outcome. Maybe this is the power of love, or love is blind.

[ectanz]

janet_lee88:

Even though hubby has other siblings, the old ones have preferences who they want to stay with. The mother likes this son, while the father may prefer another kid.

Ya agreed. I am not sure whether my hb is the favorite son of my MIL but since she doesn't really like me so staying together might be out of question for her. My hb hates her nagging n won't talk to her unless necessary unlike his bro.

[janet88]

ectanz:

janet_lee88:

Even though hubby has other siblings, the old ones have preferences who they want to stay with. The mother likes this son, while the father may prefer another kid.

Ya agreed. I am not sure whether my hb is the favorite son of my MIL but since she doesn't really like me so staying together might be out of question for her. My hb hates her nagging n won't talk to her unless necessary unlike his bro.

You are lucky your hubby knows his mother's character.
His mother always says 'listen to eldest son'...phew, lucky mine isn't the eldest. His mother is the sort who can't stay with others.

[Chenonceau]

The problem with mine was that she kept asking to stay with us. She kept referring to this as a Chinese virtue and duty. Then one day, she said that it was good that we had invited her to stay with us because that will mean that my son in future will know that it is good to have me stay with him.


First off, I don’t wanna move in with my son because I dun know what kind of wife he will marry. Secondly, I dun even know if my son can buy a house big enough to welcome me. Thirdly, I pointed out that MIL’s own mother (my Grandmother-in-Law) refused to stay with any of HER DILs because all three were very assertive people (and hence, why does SHE insist to stay with us so much that she would rather leave her husband alone in her flat to come stay with me… when her own mother didn’t???).

The point is, the MIL will only choose to stay with the DIL she thinks she can overcome… or at the very least, she knows, will not abuse her. Part of the equation is the DIL’s character. The next part is how strong the relationship with her son, so that she can use her son to control the DIL. If you have a strong marriage AND you are NOT a pushover, few MIL will choose stay with you.

My mistake was that I was a pushover the first 10 years of my marriage. And since I have agreed for the THIRD time to move in with her again, I probably am still a pushover but a smarter and more frightened one. The challenge in the past 10 years was to find the sensitive equilibrium between having her understand that I will treat her kindly even if she cannot control me. This is easier said than done because whenever she acts up, the human reaction is to fight back and hurt… and that means to be unkind.