PSLE 2012 - child has no interest to study
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tamarind:
I ever put him in student care centre before when he was in P1 & P2 and there was a student care centre in his school. After school, the teacher will bring them to the student care centre. Hmmmh, he doesn't like it maybe because he was young during that time and he got bullied in the centre. Now he has transferred to another school, which also has a student care centre near the school. I ever told him about putting him again in student care centre, he strongly against it and also because of tight budget - I cannot afford to put him in the centre. I think he is street smart but not study smart. He is very good in hand-on skill. Things that are of interest to him he will go all the way to find more information. For example, he like cars, he will always watch documentary film about how to make cars, repairs car. There was once he even tell me : Mummy do you know Audi has mode A1 to A8 but no A2, so I look at my husband and he nobbed his head.
It is true that most boys just don't care about their future.phankao:
What if he doesn't care about doing better?
I would also say that it's for his future (then he say don't care). Then I say that we can't support him and he has to do it himself (he'll say \"ok - please don't worry about how I will cope in future\").
So those ultimatums might not work favourably for such a child. Instead, the child will develop great anger and hate for the parents.
It is not only boys below 12 years old, I knew of boys age 18 to 25 who also don't care. When I asked them, what happens if your grades are so poor and cannot find a job ? Their answer is : \"Just sign on for the army lor\".
Personally I believe that we should let boys experience hardship.
There was once my boy behaved very badly, I punished him by making him sleep on the hard floor for the entire night. My mother was totally shocked and told me that he might fall sick. He was about 5 years old then. Well he did not fall sick and after that he did not make the same mistake again. (Note that I never cane him) I intend to do this again if he refused to study. This is to show him the consequence of not studying. But so far he loves to learn so I don't have to do it
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There are good suggestions by fellow parents (eg. student care, tv/ computer bans, having a discipline schedule) but some of these are probably abit too late to enforce at this point of time with PSLE just round the corner.
We enforce daily revision from 7.30 - 10pm. That means no tv time. During exams, it will intensify to include weekends. But I suppose all these really start from young. Also we enforce no tv, no computers rule at home unless it is for homework. But again all these takes time to enforce, don't expect to see immediate results.
Reading the posting reminds me of my nephew who sat for his PSLE last year. His was a case of computer addiction and not TV. He was simply not motivated to study. We told his parents to stop his computer usage as looking at his FB activities, he is always online (both of them are in IT fields). But the response I got from his dad was.... yes we curb we only allow him to play after he finished his work..... Frankly, to me to stop means restriction and not using it as a carrot. This might entice the child to quickly get done with work with no quality so he can play the computer.
It came to a point where my sil applied for leave and then sit down with him to revise with him or rather make her presence felt. Personally, I thought if it is possible with your work arrangement, this is something you should seriously consider now. Maybe take turns with your spouse. Or ask if you can work from home at this point (depending on your profession). Discuss with your boss.
When his PSLE results came out, he got 196. He made it to express but to some really ulu sec school. I was told they are not starting some subjects first because there is insufficient teacher :shock: We were overseas when he took his results and my fil was so happy to hear his results..... not that it's good but fortunately he passed.
Now? He is in Sec 1. His computer addiction has not stopped. The last conversation I had with his dad was they are just waiting for him to kai qiao. I still see him in FB from afternoon till night (probably after he return from school). You can figure out the amount of time he spent there everyday. Also not sure if the influence of friends, etc.... he has lots of vulgar words in his dictionary and I always see very negative posting on his FB such as hating school, teachers, scolding parents when he is being asked to do work, etc.... BTW, his parents are very decent type and my nephew looks very decent too (definitely not the ah beng type). There was once that he sprew alot of vulgarities on FB about his father just because he refused to buy ipod for him! We made comments on his FB about his remarks. I also spoke to him about his colorful language jokingly.
The conclusion I drawn after seeing my nephew and frankly, I use him as a educational material for my kids. His addiction seems as though computer has invaded his brain.
Tv, computer usage and games addiction are a big NO NO. It is also a big hindrance towards studying due to the temptation. Though we have wii, psp, computers, etc... kids are banned from using it during school days (not even weekends). After awhile they get used to it that they don't crave for it. But hubby does let them play games on his ipad on weekends.
I recalled when I first stopped them from watching tv in the evening when we first set aside study time, they had \"withdrawal\" symptons. But now, they are used to it. But this takes time.
Use your gut feel based on your understanding of your child and do whatever you can now. All the best! -
tamarind:
Hi Tamarind,
Adults must set a good example. I don't watch TV when I return from work, and I try not use the computer. I read books or magazines, and I even read their children's books and often laugh out or rave to my hubby about how good the book is.Lynn2010:
I think not all boys dont care. I come across some they do care about doing well.
I agree with Tamarind to put him in an afterschool care. No TV during the week days (wont die). He can watch TV during the weekends only if you are satisfied with him \"performance\" for the week. By changing the routine, it may help.
I think this TV, comp games, ipad, etc. is a habitual. For example, some adults come home from work, the first thing they do, turn on the TV. It doesnt matter if they are watching (habitual). When we take the train, got a seat, look right and left, nothing to do, what is next? Whip out the iphone loh - play games or chat. I am not pretending, I really enjoy reading their books.
I agree adults must set good example. I dont watch much TV too. Maybe for Ljas1370 no choice. MIL turn on. My MIL also does that, watch tele whole day otherwise chat if not watch TV or watch and chat. But we dont live together.
I think once they get a little older, eg. my dd, use a lot of phone and sms, but i dont use leh, last month bill >4000 sms, i think mine at most 10% of that only. I dont understand why they have so much things to chat, they see each other in school for so many hours already. My dd say, discuss homework. Maybe it is true. Sometimes she admits she is chatting and stop when i ask her to (so still ok loh) -
Ljas1370:
I think he is street smart but not study smart. He is very good in hand-on skill. Things that are of interest to him he will go all the way to find more information. For example, he like cars, he will always watch documentary film about how to make cars, repairs car. There was once he even tell me : Mummy do you know Audi has mode A1 to A8 but no A2, so I look at my husband and he nobbed his head.
Hi Ljas1370,
If I might try to be an amateur psychologist here.
From what your description, I have no doubt he is intelligent. For him to note that there is no Audi A2 (which incidentally will be launched in 2015) in the brand's lineup means that he is analytical and looks for patterns. That is the foundation for many careers especially in engineering.
So what remains is to kindle his interest in other subjects. It will be more difficult with languages especially with boys. I still have that problem with my son.
But saying that, an interest in cars, smartphones, ipad and other gadgets is not enough and will not get our children very far. Well, at least not in our society. So you and your hubby has got to talk about other topics with him. Basic sciences like chemistry, how the economy works, why humans behave a certain way... anything.
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MMM:
Good suggestion MMM .......Ljas1370 try to put MMM point into practiceThere are good suggestions by fellow parents (eg. student care, tv/ computer bans, having a discipline schedule) but some of these are probably abit too late to enforce at this point of time with PSLE just round the corner.
We enforce daily revision from 7.30 - 10pm. That means no tv time. During exams, it will intensify to include weekends. But I suppose all these really start from young. Also we enforce no tv, no computers rule at home unless it is for homework. But again all these takes time to enforce, don't expect to see immediate results.
Reading the posting reminds me of my nephew who sat for his PSLE last year. His was a case of computer addiction and not TV. He was simply not motivated to study. We told his parents to stop his computer usage as looking at his FB activities, he is always online (both of them are in IT fields). But the response I got from his dad was.... yes we curb we only allow him to play after he finished his work..... Frankly, to me to stop means restriction and not using it as a carrot. This might entice the child to quickly get done with work with no quality so he can play the computer.
It came to a point where my sil applied for leave and then sit down with him to revise with him or rather make her presence felt. Personally, I thought if it is possible with your work arrangement, this is something you should seriously consider now. Maybe take turns with your spouse. Or ask if you can work from home at this point (depending on your profession). Discuss with your boss.
When his PSLE results came out, he got 196. He made it to express but to some really ulu sec school. I was told they are not starting some subjects first because there is insufficient teacher :shock: We were overseas when he took his results and my fil was so happy to hear his results..... not that it's good but fortunately he passed.
Now? He is in Sec 1. His computer addiction has not stopped. The last conversation I had with his dad was they are just waiting for him to kai qiao. I still see him in FB from afternoon till night (probably after he return from school). You can figure out the amount of time he spent there everyday. Also not sure if the influence of friends, etc.... he has lots of vulgar words in his dictionary and I always see very negative posting on his FB such as hating school, teachers, scolding parents when he is being asked to do work, etc.... BTW, his parents are very decent type and my nephew looks very decent too (definitely not the ah beng type). There was once that he sprew alot of vulgarities on FB about his father just because he refused to buy ipod for him! We made comments on his FB about his remarks. I also spoke to him about his colorful language jokingly.
The conclusion I drawn after seeing my nephew and frankly, I use him as a educational material for my kids. His addiction seems as though computer has invaded his brain.
Tv, computer usage and games addiction are a big NO NO. It is also a big hindrance towards studying due to the temptation. Though we have wii, psp, computers, etc... kids are banned from using it during school days (not even weekends). After awhile they get used to it that they don't crave for it. But hubby does let them play games on his ipad on weekends.
I recalled when I first stopped them from watching tv in the evening when we first set aside study time, they had \"withdrawal\" symptons. But now, they are used to it. But this takes time.
Use your gut feel based on your understanding of your child and do whatever you can now. All the best!
we need to guide our child along so we do less damage control as they get
older.
Hi Ljas1370,
no TV mean the whole family dont even on the TV just for this period at least if you can and want to help him. unfortunately for working mum we have to be \"VERY ON\"... to get him past the PSLE stage :hi5:
Sometime because we are so soft hearted we dont want to put the child into
student centre instead with MIL....... my friend is also in this situation.
Tough love is not easy to practice.
Computer , gadget etc addiction is a real thing for many children, it get harder
to kick as they get older because they are on it on a daily basis.
Divert his attention , bring him out into the open field etc, if finance
permit get him into some hand on cirrculum to zep his stamina.
If he like cars, maybe send him to sec school with club that have
hands-on CCA .
Woodland Ring sec school have a Robotic CCA and they are very good
at national level.
Take care and let us know how you get along :hugs: -
if u are working, may be u wish to consider to quit from yr job and stay home to spend sometime with yr child to guide and encourage him.
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Ljas1370:
This is a very positive trait. Should encourage it.
I think he is street smart but not study smart. He is very good in hand-on skill. Things that are of interest to him he will go all the way to find more information.
Habits aside, from what you've described, I can think of 2 possibilities - 1/) through bad habits and disinterest, he has accumulated a backlog of material to master and feels discouraged.
2) he doesn't see the point of endless drilling and repetitions for materials that do not seem immediately relevant.
If 2) I'm not surprised. I felt the same way in school at tertiary level. My son feels the same way. My interest in studying was rekindled only in university when studying was self-paced and research-based.
What I would do at this point is to draw the relevance of the materials he is learning. If he is passionate in cars, look into how maths and science are relevant to the invention and design of cars. Inform him of jobs like engineers, car designers etc, and help him understand the steps required towards these jobs.
He will also need to understand that no education system is perfect. I explain to my son that our education system emphasize skill (facts?) mastery at the elementary level, even if it is boring, it is still a bridge to more interesting work at tertiary level when the system will transit to a more independent and research-based mode of learning which will suit him. I tell him he needs to sustain himself so that he can go to a good school that will have the necessary teachers and equipment for him to explore his passions at a later age.
So I do agree that it is not true that boys don't care about their future. But they may need a concrete vision and an actual roadmap. They can't just accept the words - you have to think about your future - it is too vague to them. They won't care about starving, but they do care about their interests.
Once he understands this (or you see it sinking in), tell him you can help him. Sit down, go through the materials at hand, and draw up a revision plan with short-term and mid-term goals. Focus on areas of weakness, and strengthen exam taking skills and time management skills. All these will help him in the long run, beyond PSLE.
(oh ya, and parents gotta make up for any lack of self-discipline/willpower. I do nag a lot even if I hate it, LOL) -
Yes, agree. The future is faraway for a 12-year-old child...
I, too, think that students need to be constantly reminded that studying will benefit them in concrete ways. They may be unmotivated as they feel that they are studying only because their parents or teachers told them to do so. For these students, you may hear them complaining that they don't want to study, and it's their parents or teachers who are trying to \"make\" them study. You may also hear them saying that they dislike the school subjects and they're only taking the exams \"for my parents\".
Helping the students to connect the studying with their own interests (and not those of their parents or teachers) will help them to be more motivated. For example, for languages, you can tell them that it's important to learn them, so that they can communicate with their friends. If they don't want to study for their PSLE, tell them that if they don't do as well as their good friends, they will not be able to go to the same secondary school.
Hope this helps. -
Ljas1370:
Dear all parent,
I've a big headache. My elder son doesn't like to study. Everyday come back from school watch TV. Although, we have punished him for watching TV and even restricted him from watching, you just can't be bother. Still continue to watch. He did very badly for his SA 1 this year and I'm so worry for his PSLE next year. His average T-score was less than 150. I'm ready worry for him but he just can't be bother. Even though myself and hubby had tried to explain to him the importance of education and responsbility etc. But his attitude is like left in right out. Even when I sit together with him to help him to revise his work, for e.g. chinese, I explain to him the meaning and prounication, but the next day when I ask him back, he forgot everything liao. I'm very furious as time is lacking and he is not absorbing. Just like yesterday, I told him to revise his science as SA 2 is coming. In the end, he did revise 2 topics of the science BUT within 15 mins and is like watching the TV and studying at the same time. My maid told me that. When I tested on the topics that he revised in the afternoon, he couldn't answer me. I was so angry :stupid: Please advise me what I should do. I'm really at a loss. Thank so much.
He needs someone to compete with. -
i think some boys are just the bochap type so hv to sit down with them and get them to do work and ive them some form of ‘carrot’.
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