Sometimes Single Parent?

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

[quote]Definitely don't have make the heart fonder feeling at this point.


Rather, I am enjoying the change that's why I am feeling \"guilty\"? Anyway.... I only have 2 more days to go before we are back to routine.[/quote]I totally understand the feeling. So for my case, if my husband needs to travel or he needs to work night shift, me & kids will be hip hip hooraying at home. One less headcount for me to please what dinner to cook. I can watch movies that I like without he teasing me or commenting on the story line ya da ya da ya da. I have the bed all to my self without him taking up my space.

So I just don't understand why when it is my turn to travel for work, he becomes the reluctant single parent. :?

[Eagle-Ladybird]

foreverj:

i m not saying every working dad must do this becos some work shifts, or work in laborious jobs which by the time they reach home, just wants to rest. thats completely understandable. just that there must be mutual understanding and agreement between husband and wife.

Totally agreed with you. Most of us who works in the office are tired mentally, and not physically. By the end of the day, we just can't think and remember or do anything intellectual anyway. So might as well \"waste it\" on the kids :lol: Let me share a real incident with you (it's a real joke!).

On one of my trips to Vietnam, I decided to cut short and take an earlier flight so that I could go straight from airport to a good friend's wedding dinner. Hearing that, my Director who was booked on the same late flight, decided to change as well so that we could return together. All's well . . we touched down Changi, and I told him I need to rush. Head straight to the taxi queue and ask for home.

Reached home, as usual, got my \"dose of high\" from my angels. Drop my bags, showered, played with them, bathed them, and put them to sleep. Came out of my son's room about 9pm and joined my wife in the study room (we have this little \"chill out\" room, after kids gone to sleep). She was reading her novel or somehting, and pass a casual comment \"Why, you decided not to go for Alvin's wedding ?\" I was liked \"Oh sh*t\" I totally forgot about the dinner\". And it happened just between the airbridge and the taxi queue, maybe a 5 minutes brisk walk.

So, my memeory is dead after work, so might as well \"waste it\" on your kids

Anyway, I called my friend the next day. He gave me credit for trying to explain but thought i was the biggest bullsh*tter in town hahaha (we're still friends of course. He knows me well . . phew)

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

Anyway, if my travelling plan falls on school holidays and the country seems a good place for a family holiday, I bring the whole family along.


My avatar is taken by dh when we were in Melbourne. I was there working normal office hours and he was on holiday with the kids then age 1 and 3. DH sure was not confident and grumble being the single parent looking after 2 toddlers while I went to work. But look, how happy the kids were.

Situation can sometime reverse. He has to work while I look after kids and will be on holiday. I like that a lot. But again he grumbles how, he has to work & how fun my life is looking after the kids.

So simply said, he is not a very happy single parent no matter what the situation is.

[rainbows]

enjoy enjoy mmm :celebrate:

[foreverj]

Eagle-Ladybird:

Totally agreed with you. Most of us who works in the office are tired mentally, and not physically. By the end of the day, we just can't think and remember or do anything intellectual anyway. So might as well \"waste it\" on the kids :lol: Let me share a real incident with you (it's a real joke!).

On one of my trips to Vietnam, I decided to cut short and take an earlier flight so that I could go straight from airport to a good friend's wedding dinner. Hearing that, my Director who was booked on the same late flight, decided to change as well so that we could return together. All's well . . we touched down Changi, and I told him I need to rush. Head straight to the taxi queue and ask for home.

Reached home, as usual, got my \"dose of high\" from my angels. Drop my bags, showered, played with them, bathed them, and put them to sleep. Came out of my son's room about 9pm and joined my wife in the study room (we have this little \"chill out\" room, after kids gone to sleep). She was reading her novel or somehting, and pass a casual comment \"Why, you decided not to go for Alvin's wedding ?\" I was liked \"Oh sh*t\" I totally forgot about the dinner\". And it happened just between the airbridge and the taxi queue, maybe a 5 minutes brisk walk.

So, my memeory is dead after work, so might as well \"waste it\" on your kids

Anyway, I called my friend the next day. He gave me credit for trying to explain but thought i was the biggest bullsh*tter in town hahaha (we're still friends of course. He knows me well . . phew)

:lol: like that also can? but can understand cos everytime touch down at airport is headed to the taxi queue, then home, then kids. once a routine is established, very hard to kick the habit

[MMM]

[quote]Definitely don't have make the heart fonder feeling at this point.


So I just don't understand why when it is my turn to travel for work, he becomes the reluctant single parent. :?[/quote]Yes I observed the same in my hubby too. I actually travel more than him. Each time before I go, I would remind him to make sure the kids revised their work and ask him to spend time with them in the evening to mtr them, etc... But he seems to fail my expectations everytime so I try to travel only during school hols.

But when it comes to him, we are still doing the revision,etc... dunno why it's so difficult.

Haha I don't have the bed to myself. It's replaced with the 2 kids who insisted on sleeping with me as my maid happened to be on home leave too.

[reemansu]

Well…! Mine is a short story. I have been a proud father of my child and i’ve got a real supportive wife. Still some times, as i’m a building my career in an organization, i was coming late nights some times. Though my wife is supportive many times, she used to frustrate me some times. So, It would be great if anybody suggest me how i should behave in such times. Thanks in advance.

[MMM]

Hi reemansu,


Is your wife working? Or she is a SAHM?

I think there are different frustrations either being a FTWM or SAHM.

But I feel that if you can share with your wife about your work (eg. are you on some projects,etc…, why is it that you need to work late during those time (eg. rushing for bosses’ request, dateline, etc…, the implication of not meeting) she will be able to appreciate better. I always feel that husband and wife are on the same boat. If something happens to the hubby’s job, the wife is also affected. So as a wife, it is important to support the hubby and ensure that the hubby does his job well and vice versa.

In our case, we are both working. My hubby drives me and picks me up from work everyday. Sometimes I do get frustrated if he is late. I am not frustrated that he is working late for work but I am frustrated as I want to be back by 8pm every evening so that I can coach the kids in theiir studies. I told him before that if he expects himself to be late, then let me know by 5pm so that I can plan to go back by myself. Of course I will get frustrated if he calls me at 7.30pm in the office and tell me that he will be late,etc… by then the shuttle service has stopped. The issue I’ve is very simple but it will easily lead to frustration and probably led my hubby to think that I am not supportive of his work. So it is important to communicate.

Also, recently my hubby had to work harder because they had a open position that is not filled. So he has to help to stand in. We are in the same profession so I can probably understand his work better. I told him that if he had recruited the person earlier and be more proactive then probably this thing wouldn’t happen. It was a case of underperformer and they had to let go the person. But the person worked for him for a couple of months before leaving so to me, it was like, he could have got the right person to join earlier and get a handover with the person who is leaving. He is the very cool take it easy while I am the kanchiong type.

[Funz]

It does get frustrating sometimes. DH will call home and tell me he appreciates that I am there to take care of everything. But he does not really pitch in when he is back. Take for instance, there were times when his flight back will touch down at about 3 or 4pm. So it doesn't make sense for him to go back to his office and he will head home. Instead of helping me pick the kids up from their school, he goes to the driving range instead. So I requested that he pick the kids up from school on the days that his flight reaches Singapore at that kind of timing he said ok. But when I called at 6+pm, the kids are not home yet and he is just on the way to pick them up after his session at the driving range. :x


We kind of bickered about him not pitching in at the home front. He said what is there to do? We have a helper and she does all the housework and cooking oredi, there is nothing much you need to do also. That was when I told him our fridge and pantry do not miraculously replenish themselves, the children still need us to tend to them, they do not go to school on their own and come back on their own. They need help with their school work. We are lucky they are still in preschool cos when they start primary schooling they will definitely need more of our inputs. And I do not think I should be handling all these all by myself. And since he feels that all these are nothing much why doesn't he take over handling all these over the next 2 weeks and see how he feels. He opted to pitch in rather than take over.

I think sometimes, the other party just does not realise the extent of what needs to be done or what it takes to get certain things done. Many of the things that need to be done are mundane stuff but it is necessary and it eats up our time. After pitching in a few times, he realise that it is not all that easy.

[foreverj]

hi reemansu


i think its great that you have a supportive wife, but being human, she will definitely need to vent her frustrations once in a while. i believe up to now, there would have been a certain extent of being understanding to each other’s situation on both your sides. hence, telling her from time to time that u truly appreciate her for taking charge and handling the family and kids when u work late would go a long way.

as her husband, u r the best person to gauge how much your wife’s threshold is. if your wife really cannot take your long working hours, then u may need to work lesser and sacrifice the career building part. but make it clear to your wife so its a decision that both husband and wife are agreeable to. no point building a high-flying career when u have no time at all for the family and risk losing the marriage right? the wife also cannot then complain and compare her husband with that of her frens who may be more financially established and hence can provide more for the family.

i myself can identify with what funz and mmm shared. most times, we absolutely understand if dh cannot help with the kids/housework etc cos of work. but if they are home, they similarly dun lift a finger, it just makes us :x i try to see from his view that after a hard day’s work, and he comes home, he just wants to relax and chill. he’s human too. and men being men, they r not like mummies who can sacrifice their relaxing time to make sure the kids’ homework and academics are taken care of and feel they must make evry moment at home quality time with the kids. its just how men and women are created differently. so best is to try and come to a consensus as to hw to allocate the duties and responsibilities. how to stick to the allocation may be an issue. in our case, i take care of things at home and he just concentrates on the earning the money. so u just have to find your own common ground.

hope the above helps.